FIND YOUR PURPOSE

People often say you can’t change your career at 30; that's when you're supposed to be settling down. At 35, you should have it all figured out. If you're not married by 38, what on earth are you doing with your life? Who makes up these rules? I have no idea, but this kind of thinking plagues so many people I speak to. They open up to me and say, “Jay, I just don’t know how to change. Is it even possible?”

Let’s look at some real-life examples. This guy? He used to be a physical education teacher in high school. How about her? She worked as a telemarketer for two weeks. Another woman even applied to be a funeral director. The truth is, society bombards us with noise: family expectations, cultural norms, and preconceived notions about success. Growing up, I was told I could only be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. Anything else was simply not acceptable. By those standards, I failed spectacularly.

I became a monk for three years. I committed what many would call "career suicide." I turned down two promising corporate job offers after graduating from business school. I shaved my head, wore robes, and lived out of a gym locker. Why? Because I wanted to do something meaningful, something that would make a difference in the world. And you know what? It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

But more than the experience of being a monk, I learned to drop out of the rules that society imposes on us. People warned me, "If you become a monk, you’ll never get a job again," or "People will think you're weird forever." But here's the thing: stepping away from those expectations has led me to one of the most fulfilling periods of my life.

We’re so often told that life and careers are like boxes or containers—limited, finite options. But there is no one-size-fits-all formula. If you know what you’re passionate about and are willing to invest in it, the sky’s the limit. People always say, "Follow your passions," but I say, "Forget that. Invest in your passion." Learn from the best, find mentors, and grow beyond your wildest dreams.

Defining Your Own Path: The Power of Choice and Change

I remember being a 19-year-old kid, hopelessly in love with my high school sweetheart. We did everything together, from going to school to walking to classes. We were that annoyingly inseparable couple until, halfway through our first year of college, she discovered beer and other boys on the same night. She cheated on me, and I fell apart. I stopped going to classes, barely ate, and stayed in bed for days.

Then one day, I picked up a school newspaper. On one of the pages, there was an ad with a white sandy beach, turquoise water, and a palm tree. It read: “Escape. Students needed for summertime jobs in the Dominican Republic.” So, I escaped.

A few nights later, my friend Kevin and I were driving down a road at 85 miles per hour when we hit a sharp corner. The car began sliding sideways, and everything went into slow motion. The next thing I remember, Kevin was screaming, "Get out of the car, it's burning!" I managed to pull myself out of the windshield, covered in blood, and in that moment, as I stood there, I wondered, "Did I even matter?"

Discovering Purpose: The Turning Point

Images of my life flashed before me—moments with my loved ones, celebrations, and friendships. I asked myself, "Did I love openly and honestly? Did I make a difference?" As I was about to lose consciousness, I noticed the bright, beautiful moon above. I felt a deep connection, as if I knew I was going to be okay. It was like the universe was telling me, "Here you go, kid. You're still alive. You can still love, and you can still matter."

From that moment, I was driven by what I now call "mortality motivation." I was blessed to realize early on that life is finite, that time is precious, and that I needed to live with intention and purpose. My mentor Wayne Dyer once taught me about the power of intention: that every breath we take is a gift and every moment is an opportunity to give, love, and contribute to something greater than ourselves.

The Courage to Be Yourself

We often trade who we are for who we think the world wants us to be. But the world needs you to be authentically you. Don’t let others' expectations limit your potential. You are the only person who can define what success looks like for you. The day you stop caring about external validation and focus on what truly matters to you is the day you begin to find true purpose.

Consider the story of a school teacher who, in her first year, loved teaching, but by her second year, it became unbearable. She was overwhelmed by disruptive students, particularly one who drove her to the brink. She wanted to quit but instead chose to find a higher purpose. She decided to become the "key to every door," learning everything she could about helping troubled kids. Today, she’s known for her ability to turn around the most challenging students.

Purpose gives us the energy and courage to step outside our comfort zones, to take on challenges that seem insurmountable. When you align with your purpose, it transcends every area of your life.

Purpose Transforms Every Area of Your Life

Take the story of a woman who, after a breakup, realized she had been living according to other people’s expectations. She decided to clarify her purpose, stop caring about what others thought, and began to focus on who she wanted to be. This internal shift had a profound impact on her professional life as well. She started receiving promotions, not because she changed her outward appearance, but because she was now living with intention and authenticity.

When you find purpose in one area of your life, it spreads to others. The research shows that when you give up self-interested goals and take on contributive goals, your entire biology changes. Your thought processes become more profound, and you grow more rapidly. We are designed to be purpose-driven beings.

The Power of Team and Purpose in Achieving Greatness

But purpose doesn’t just drive individual growth—it also drives collective achievement. In the Navy SEALs, we learn that no one succeeds alone. We thrive when we commit ourselves to something greater than ourselves, when we push the limits of what we believe is possible, and when we operate as part of a team. This is the essence of the "team life"—giving everything you have, not just for yourself, but for the person next to you.

Whether in your personal life or professional journey, find what you’re willing to sacrifice for. Find that bigger purpose that gets you out of bed every morning, that makes every breath a gift. Remember, you are still here for a reason. The question is, are you willing to find it and live it?