Everything Happens for a Reason

Let me set the scene for you. I was sitting in my room, eating an edible and remembered there was a documentary on Mushrooms I had been wanting to watch but never got around to it, and I thought, hmm what better time than now? I lit some candles, turned on my star projector, cozied up in my bed and got completely lost in this film.

By the time the edible really started to hit me, I was listening to testimonials from psilocybin research participants. Many of them said it was the most spiritually significant experience of their life, the most personally meaningful experience of their life. And that spoke to me. I’ve spent some time with psychedelics, which completely shifted the way I view myself, the world, and those around me. Which lead me to dive so deep into my spirituality, which was, for me, the most personally meaningful experience of my life. It was the most magical experience of my life. It’s so hard to explain it, sometimes I just can’t put it into words. But that’s what I’m trying to do here, so bare with me.

Once you open your mind up to a new experience or a new way of thinking, it cannot go back to how it was. What psychedelics did for some, my spiritual awakening did for me.

As my mind was experiencing this shift, I was still living in this stagnant state. I was still doing the same meaningless things, I was partying almost every night, drinking way too much, abusing substances, and just really out of tune with my inner self. It wasn’t until I had an ego death of sorts, that I had that “ah ha” moment of like… Are the things I’m doing aligning with my highest self? Am I living a meaningful life? At that point in my life, I was merely just surviving. I was so deep in my depression that I literally didn’t care what the future held, I was living so carelessly. It’s sort of scary to think about now, how little of a fuck I gave. About myself, the people around me, and life in general. Hitting rock bottom was absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me. There was quite literally nowhere to go but up from there.

In hitting rock bottom, I also met the most important person in my life - my twin flame. And let me just tell you, that experience is not all sunshine and rainbows either. The purpose of a twin flame relationship, is to awaken you to your untapped potential and ignite a fire deep inside you. It gives you no option but to do better. A world of possibilities is opened up, that you would’ve never even dreamed of. This journey absolutely demands spiritual growth. And boy, did we both flourish. But it came with it’s own gut wrenching barriers. That connection, unearths all the shit that you’ve carried consciously and unconsciously. It rips back the covers on all the facades you’ve built, the lies you’ve bought into, the ways in you’ve kept yourself small, the hidden addictions, the secrets and lies, the deepest fears, the ways in which you’ve compromised and it tears down the defenses you have created to keep yourself safe. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. In this process, we metaphorically help up mirrors to each other and reflected in some way, the energy that we held towards ourselves.

My ego dissolved, essentially stripping away my own ideas of myself. No one can objectively define what the “self” is because everyone has their own idea of their own “self”. No one else can tell you who you are at your core, only you as an individual can define yourself. Our sense of “self” comes from the ideas we hold about ourselves - memories and experiences give you an idea of who you are, as do your desires and goals for the future. Once that was all stripped away from me, I had a new, crystal clear vision of who I was destined to be.

Which was something I struggled with in this process. The thought of change, of redefining myself. I didn’t think it was possible. But we literally hold all the power in ourselves to redefine our “self” whenever and however we want. We are the writers of our own stories and it’s okay to hit ‘em with a plot twist at any given moment. I realized in that exact moment, that I am the creator of my own reality - as are you :)

As a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason” - As I sat there and thought about how magical this entire spiritual journey up to this point has been for me, I couldn’t help but think about all the seemingly small things that I started doing, and learning about, and the people I was meeting and how if I hadn’t done just one of those things, or hadn’t met just one of those people… I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have become this version of myself I am today.

Everything happens for a fucking reason.

After my “ah ha” moment, I started the process of healing myself. I set aside 10-15 minutes per day to just… be. In my meditations I started to vision my highest self, all my desires, and all my souls intentions. In order to fully show up as her, I had to start making some changes in my daily life. I slowly started cutting out anything that didn’t spark something magical inside me and only giving my energy to things that made me feel good. I meditated more, started practicing yoga, doing tarot readings for myself, journaling my thoughts and feelings, reading books, eating more plant based foods.

This quickly turned into seeing signs and synchronicities everywhere. Which lead me to more research where I dove deeper into how astrology and astronomy go hand in hand. I started understanding numerology, and the meaning behind numerological synchronicities, and the immense power that numbers hold.

I was then faced with my shadow self. The inner side of my personality that contains all the parts that I didn’t want to admit to having. But through my own efforts I was able to become self-aware enough to recognize my shadow. And she wasn’t pretty. I knew I needed to heal her, and with that came its own difficulties. I decided it was time to seek out a therapist. I started healing my inner child, and working through my trauma in a healthy and productive way. I fell back in love with a part of myself that I lost through the unhealthy ways I used to cope before.

It was then, that I decided to somewhat let go, and let my intuition guide me. Which has lead me to places I would’ve never imagined I’d be. I moved away from home, the place that I was comfortable in, but also the place that was at the root of my trauma. I ended up landing in the job of my dreams, that was basically handed to me on a silver platter - which I’ll get into in a later post. All because I listened to that little voice inside of me. I let her flourish, I let her believe.

Everything that happens to you, has a reason. There’s a way of thinking about this that empowers you in life. When you think of “reason” to mean cause and effect, it puts your mind in this mechanistic universe where events are random. But to me, “reason” is the meaning we give to the events that happen in our lives. You are not a random element in the universe, reacting mechanically to everything happening to you. You are a human being. You have been gifted with the capability to create meaning from these tragedies and setbacks happening. This give you the power to start making life work for you, rather than against you.

Call it a coping mechanism if you must, but believing that the events in my life have a purpose, has allowed me to take steps forward to a better me. I’m a classic over thinker, and I pride myself in that. I have this way of looking at situations from all angles and seeing each and every possible outcome. And though, when my vision was clouded by addiction, and pain, and I wasn’t always making the best decisions, I can’t help but believe that I needed those experiences to really see the bigger picture.

There is a divine intelligence at work here. And through lots and lots of healing I’ve come to a place of peace. A state where I can, in a healthy way, accept the good with the bad. And for me, that makes life worth living.

And side note, to fit the theme, I wonder if I never ate that edible and got lost in my thoughts that night, would I have even been called to picked up my laptop and start typing out this journey of a story to share with you? I literally feel so called to share these things with you, and I believe everything has lead me to this point.

Hm.. makes you think.