Dopamine Ruined My Life. Will Writing Save It?

I get up sometime after 11 am (why set an alarm when you can sleep in to compensate for the 2 hours you spent brainlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts last night) and pick some random clothes from my messy closet while staring at my phone.

The breakfast has to be paired with a quick YouTube video, even if the meal is finished by the time I found one that looks interesting.

Obviously, I’m watching self-improvement videos. I mean, I want to make something out of my life, don’t I?

Throughout the day I lay on the couch and watch a few videos, send my friend some memes, and play a few rounds of a video game that entertains me just enough to keep playing.

As I consistently deliver my drained brain the dopamine it has adapted to, there is this feeling creeping up on me, a feeling deep within that occasionally comes out to make me feel horrible when I watch a video with the motivating message that time is precious, limited and valuable. Thanks a lot.

How I lost control…

This sensation isn’t new to me, as it lingered around in my subconscious since I first started my self-improvement journey last year. I got into a proper routine, consumed as many books and courses on marketing and copywriting as I could find, created my first website and sales funnels, and….

And then I got out of quarantine…

All of a sudden, I met friends, traveled, and went to school and the gym again, slowly losing track of my little business venture. Whatever, It hadn’t earned a cent anyway.

A complete mystery to this day. Every guy on YouTube told me it only takes 30 minutes to make money online.

Consequently, I fell into old patterns like social media and video games, trying sporadically to get a hold of my former productive and structured day-to-day routines.

As I traveled through Europe in the summer and focused on graduating in the German Abitur afterward, I decided to let it go, which was easier said than done.

As I started partying more and wasting more and more time on social media, to the point where I was desperately uninstalling social media apps on my phone and reinstalling them twice a week because I couldn’t control myself.

Social Media Is Poison.

It sucks to be constantly confronted with the idea that there is more, that I have more potential, should be independent of my parents, and most important of all, that I was wasting time, WHILE one is lying on the couch. We all know the studies about the negative impact social media has on us, yet their algorithms are optimized so perfectly, that I didn’t care.

I knew that it was hurting myself, I knew it made me lazy and drained my energy, and I knew very well that I could be doing more. Nonetheless, I was unable to escape it, and it made me miserable.

Getting back up.

As I started the year, the gap between the expectations for myself and the reality I lived in turned into the Grand Canyon. Reaching a height of laziness/screen time and simultaneously a low in confidence and energy levels paired with a little identity crisis was the final drop, I have never felt that unfulfilled and unhappy, I needed to get back up.

I knew what to do. I’ve read and listened to many books and watched probably 100 hours of YouTube videos on self-improvement, and I developed an interest in stoicism. I knew that it was enough of just taking in, consuming, constant input. I knew that it was time to act. It was time to CREATE something, no matter what. That’s how I’ve decided to take on writing on this platform.

Just doing it.

This article won’t go viral, the next 20 won’t either, but the reason I do this isn’t to go viral and make money, the reason I do this is to put out something, no matter what.

This blog post isn’t meant to blow you away, it is simply the first blog post I will upload. The first thing I created. The first thing I wrote online.

I do this for the sake of doing it and along the way, it will help me improve my consistency, my writing skills, my English skills, and help me find like-minded people and a community to belong to. And maybe, just maybe, someday I will manage to write a post, that will sincerely be a great piece of writing.

Follow my journey!

If my story could spark your interest, and you would like a fresh perspective on productivity, personal development and finance, philosophy, online business, and my journey as a blogger and content creator, feel invited to follow me.

I know my writing isn’t even close to professional, so please give me feedback, I could use it.