Don't Block Your Blessings

Don’t Block Your Blessings!

By: Sean Kenneally

Negativity is like a drug. At your weakest moments it pulls you in, and it will hold you down as long as you allow it to. I speak from personal experience when I say no one can truly pull you out of it and you’ll never understand why. If you turn to drugs and alcohol you’ll slowly start to spiral. Sex is never enough, and the thought that “if I just get a partner all this pain will go away” will only lead to a messy break up that brings you right back to negativity. These are all temporary. Friends and family can help but even they will one day have to leave. The only thing in life that you will always have, no matter what, is yourself. I have struggled mightily throughout my life with anxiety and depression, and I always said the world was against me until a few days ago something spectacular happened. Now, for you to truly understand what I mean, I will give you a little back story about my struggles. Hopefully this will help you get through whatever struggles you are facing.

As a child I had a temper. This got in the way of not only my life but everyone around me. My brothers couldn’t bring friends over because I would almost certainly have a meltdown. I always struggled to make friends, and all the way through high school I never fit in and was even bullied at times. Now through all of this I blamed everyone else. In my head it was me against the world. I am now 21, I have been to three different colleges (first I played football, then I left to go to community college at home, and now I’m at Loyola New Orleans and I’ve never been more blessed. Wouldn’t trade my path for anything), and everywhere I’ve gone I’ve struggled. My biggest struggle with people outside my family was always that everyone left me. I was always the first one dropped from the group and I was never anyone's number one. Even here in New Orleans, my first semester I had friends, a band, a girlfriend, and everything was going so well. And then they left...again. So what did I do? I hid away in my room and avoided the hard truth. Which is exactly why I was stuck in this cycle. I had to realize that I can’t be someone else’s number one because I’m not my own number one. When I like someone, whether it’s a friend or a love interest, I give them all my power. If they show up then I’m happy. When they don’t, I spiral out of control. I think they hate me, or they are talking shit about me, or they are only friends with me as part of some scheme to hurt me later on. I did this for 21 years, all the way up to last Monday night. I was doing it again, giving my power away to my new favorite person at the moment. Because of COVID-19 I didn’t get to see any friends for almost 6 months, and with this friend in particular we just lost touch. This messed with me because in my head it was happening again. But when I finally got the chance to see him again, he proved me more wrong than I had ever been.

I’m not a sharer. I used to tell everyone everything then they would usually one day use that information against me. So when I moved here I decided I was only gonna open up to a few true friends. This friend was one of them, and I was the most nervous about this because he was also the friend that I thought would turn on me. (Me of little faith) And then last Monday. He came over to watch a show and somehow we got down the rabbit hole of everything wrong in my life. What he did next shocked me, and at the same time saved me from myself. I was born into a catholic family but have gone away from being religious since going to college. Among other things this friend told me to get back to the Bible. He’s not religious at all, we’ve never talked about God or anything related. So for him to say that, I took it as a sign. I downloaded the Bible app and got back to praying just a little everyday. I know this is a cliche. But it works. And it wasn’t about the religion, it was about the faith. I had no faith in even my friend who I adore sitting right in front of me. In my head I was waiting for him to hurt me, counting down the days to tell my mom, “see I told you no one loves me” but I’m wrong. And not because I have friends right now, because again they can and will one day have to leave. I’m wrong because only one person in this world has to love me. Me. When I tell you my blessings have been through the roof since my conversation with him I can’t stress it enough. I have a band who shows up everyday and works just as hard if not harder than me (today we added sax player so stay tuned it's getting exciting), and in that band are two insanely talented brothers who just happen to have access to a Church we can practice in and record professionally and use equipment I would only dream of (THE DAY AFTER I START PRAYING AGAIN THE CHURCH CAME TO ME). I have a beautiful puppy who keeps me in shape with all these walks so I look and feel really good. Today, I’m going to see all the people I love most, my mom (literally the love of my life I’d be nothing without her) is coming to stay with me for the weekend, I’m going to work on a song for the band with a friend of mine, the friend I told you about is coming over to meet my mom, and my other friends(you know who you are <3) are coming over to cook dinner for all of us. And the craziest part about all of this is, yesterday was a bad day.

Yesterday I didn’t see anyone until the very end of the day. I started swirling again. In my head my friend was scheming against me, and for no reason at all I thought everything was falling apart. But this time I fought the negativity. I was tempted to drink alone in my house, then I thought I’d smoke to make the time go by, then I got dark and thought everyone had moved on and left me behind and it was only a matter of time before everything fell apart. But I didn’t let negativity win. I didn’t open the fridge or even look at the wine. I threw away everything I would’ve needed to smoke. I waited patiently for the new day to come and hoped and prayed again for blessings. And today, no matter what happens, I have so many blessings coming my way.

No one can save you from yourself. The battle never ends, and the struggle will always be there. But you always have a warrior in your corner no matter how low or alone you are. You were born with this warrior, and they have no choice but to fight this fight with you. And it doesn’t matter what religion you follow or if you don’t follow a religion at all. You are the warrior. You have to have faith in yourself. Religions can seem like a chore and if you don't feel like being a religious person you don’t have to be. But don't let not being religious lead to you losing faith in yourself. We all have the power to do great things in this life, the only person getting in our way is ourselves. Go be great, don’t block your blessings, believe in yourself, Love yourself, and watch the blessings flow in.

When you get down and start to think negative things about yourself you’re

giving into that drug, and it’s addicting. Telling yourself that no one loves you, that you’re not good enough, that the world is against you no matter what you do, is exactly why you can’t stop falling off the positivity wagon. Our thoughts have a strange power over us. Instead of going dark on bad days, lift yourself up. Lie if you have to. I live in one bedroom apartment with a puppy, and yesterday when no one came over I told myself my friends are such great people that sometimes they can’t fit me in. Everyone wants their time with my friends which is why they can’t be with me everyday. It doesn’t have to be true but instead of telling myself that everyone I know hates me; I made myself feel a lot better because I am friends with the best of the best. Don’t allow negativity to take over because if in your head they hate you it will one day be true. Because if you think that someone hates you for no reason at all you’re actually telling yourself that you hate you, and you don’t even know why. It sounds crazy I know but it truly does help. Validation no longer comes from anyone but me. I am enough. If everyone left me tomorrow I’d still have me. And unless you write a blog, no one needs to know how you think to yourself. Tell yourself whatever you need to hear to remind yourself that you love you and you don’t need love from the outside because you got it all right here in you. If you chase love and validation it will run away, but if you allow love to meet you where you are the possibilities are endless.

Take a Moment

I would like to take a moment to give shout outs to all the people who have been by my side fighting this fight with me:

First is my family.

Mom: I would be nothing without you, we have fought, we have cried, we have laughed and you have never left my side. You support me in every way you possibly can and you have kept me going countless times. Your passion inspires me and you light up every single room you walk into. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. I am who I because you never gave up on me.

Dad: You are my idol. I get compared to you a lot and it is my greatest honor, your life hasn’t been easy and you always put our needs first and you never gave up on me. . Every time I watch or listen to U2 I’m reminded of all the amazing memories we have together and excited for the ones we will create. You have sacrificed so much to be who you are and we all miss you when you have to leave but count the days till we can see you again. You work harder than anyone I know and I strive to be half the man you are today

Liam: we have been through a lot together, we can piss each other off better than anyone; I apologize for the years of pain I must have caused you being my older brother; I idolize you, I’m so happy for you, you never left me when I pushed and pushed and pushed and I’d be lost without you.

Ryan: you’ve seen it all, when I dropped out you didn’t judge me. You supported everything I did and were always my best friend, I will always worry about you and I am so proud of the man you are and the man you will become.

Mimi: the most impressive human I have ever known, your existence alone pushes me to become the best version of myself, and I live to make you proud. I know you’re busy but you always make time for me which is insane to me, I adore you.

Pop: there aren’t enough words to describe you, I hope to one day start a family as beautiful as the one you and Mimi have given me, everytime I write or perform I think of you and what you would say if you were in the room. Not getting to see you and Mimi this year was the hardest part of all of this quarantine, and I can’t wait to see you again soon.

Grace: 6 years, we have been through it all. No one knows me better. The first person outside of my family who showed me love, you never left even when I pushed you away, you always make me smile, and even when you are dealing with the weight of the world you took the time to help me. I love you, I adore you, I could not live without you.

Nelson: you’ve always been by my side and I know I can reach out in my darkest times and you will pull me back. You inspire me to be the best I can be musically and in life, and without you I wouldn’t even have a band right now.

Braden: the first friend I’ve ever had who gets me from day one. Getting to spend so much time with you has made me happier than I can even comprehend. You don’t judge me on my failings and you have made me feel loved and appreciated more than I even thought possible.

Caitlyn: not only have you allowed me to take up all of your time with Braden, you also have been an exceptional friend to me. The love and support you give is immeasurable and I love you for it. Even though I met you as Braden’s girlfriend you truly do stand alone and I’m so happy to have you in my life.

Zach: You surprise me everyday. I never had the faith in you that you deserve and you always exceed expectations. I will never be able to repay for what you have done for me in such a short period of time. Your support means everything to me and I love and appreciate you more than you will ever know. You pushed me to get out of my own head and brought me back into the light. You inspire me everyday and am so excited for your next chapter not only musically but in life as well.

Final Remarks:

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope this helps you through whatever struggles you may face. Always remember to have faith in yourself and love yourself and the blessings will come. If you need someone to talk to, do not be afraid to reach out (very serious I will answer) and I’d be happy to talk (832)-525-8004. Now let’s go live our best lives!