Do 50+ Men Have A Future?

A year ago, I sat with one manager at a cafe. He was in his early 50s, tired with dark shadows under his eyes, clutching the redundancy letter.

We met because he had seen me at the Buddhist discussion meeting a few days before. He came from an employment lawyer to evaluate his situation, and we met accidentally on the street.

There were long pauses.

But I used to be silent. It is in my blood. I like it because it gives me time to think, observe and take in.

He started to tell his story — familiar to many others who have been pushed away like disposable commodities.

A full stop after 30 years of busy service

Alan (I changed the name) had been at the company for almost 30 years in the city. He started as an apprentice and then, little by little, worked his way to middle management.

The beautiful family, grown-up kids and lovely home with no mortgages left gave Alan a feeling of safety and security.

Alan had experienced so many ups and downs, restructures, and management changes that he thought he could play the game and retire in 15–20 years.

Out of touch — ouch!

When the new boss arrived, everything started to go downhill — young, driven and ambitious new broom with a cleaning gleam in her eyes.

“A witch,” said Alan and continued, “She used to have one-on-one meetings with my team without me knowing. She wanted to find out what they thought about everything”.

Alan described how people started to be wary about what to say. They walked on eggshells, avoiding conversations at the office. The atmosphere changed over a few months, and what was earlier bubbly, a bit crazy, and a tolerant environment became a gloomy place.

Then the final straw that broke the camel’s back was a meeting where the new boss bluntly said that according to the feedback about Alan’s attitude and work, he is “a bit out of touch”.

Alan got no explanation, no discussion but a statement that could be interpreted in any way. Out of touch — well, the boss didn’t touch any of the details either.

“I started to be afraid of my team and think about what they might have said to the boss, but I didn’t dare to ask”, said Alan, “I was paralysed by fear, anger and grudges”.

It was a well-planned way to push Alan to accept the redundancy a couple of months later. The boss did all by the book; on paper, all was squeaky clean, and the restructure happened without hiccups.

Fast-forward a year

Again, I sat with Alan a few days ago at the same cafe. This time by his invitation.

Alan had disappeared from my radar for almost a year. I knew he had continued his Buddhist practice, but that’s all I knew. When Alan’s invitation came, it was a pleasant surprise.

“What has happened to you,” I asked, “you look younger than I remember”.

Alan was a shining example of vigour, energy and determination. He smiled and told me how his life had changed.

A journey towards purpose in life

Alan’s fall from the corporate ladders was a painful one. He lost his self-confidence and trust in his abilities.

A few weeks after the redundancy, Alan was ready to give up. — “Nobody needs blokes over 50 who are out of touch and a bit overweight and basically a dead weight,” said Alan wryly, “or so I thought until, during one of our discussion meetings, somebody pointed out that Buddhism is about the future, not dwelling in the past”.

Alan realised that he could not change the past but create positive causes today to improve the future. He focused on the future and actively shaped it for his family’s happiness and everybody else’s. He started to apply the concept of changing poison into medicine.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how’.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

“Those discussion meetings helped me see that my problems are not unique. Everybody has something, and the way out was not to become isolated and victimised but stand up, join the meetings and encourage each other to transform our attitudes and life,” said Alan and having a slip of latte.

New opportunities started to come to Alan. Recruiters told him how valuable his expertise and experience were. After a few months, he got interviews and finally landed a job that was better paid than the previous one and with a fantastic team.

“To my great surprise, one of my old team members had joined another team in the new company a bit before I started there,” told Alan. “I was hesitant at first. Finally, I gathered my courage and met her in the staff kitchen. She told me how terrible everybody had felt when I was thrown under the bus. She didn’t believe anybody had told the boss I was out of touch”.

Alan felt the old feelings of anger and bitterness arousing, but then he remembered that greed, anger and ignorance are the poisons that kill joy and happiness. Instead of letting these poisons take over again, he smiled and realised that the witch magically forced him to leave the company and had done him a huge favour.

Instead of being bitter, Alan said he felt genuine gratitude because he would not have had the courage to build his life again for a better future without that painful redundancy process.

“I changed that poison into medicine,” said Alan, “and without the horrible boss, I would have stayed and become truly a bloke-out-of-touch over time. But boy, it took a lot of Buddhist practice, self-reflection, and support from my wife and the SGI Buddhist group”.

Happy end — or actually beginning

Alan’s story is a common one. We have seen these bosses destroying the lives and livelihoods of many. Should we blame them and have revenge?

Alan’s way of dealing with the situation is a testimony of better ways than vendettas. His Buddhist practice gave him methods and tools to transform his life.

It all boils down to an inner change. Stephen R Covey speaks of the circles of influence and how we should start from the inside out. That’s his first Habit of Highly Successful People.

In Buddhism, it is called the Human Revolution, an inner change that helps us to overcome adversities and challenges life throws at us. It is an active process of changing our mindset toward growth and happiness that our changing circumstances cannot destroy.

“A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of all humankind.” — Daisaku Ikeda, President of the SGI.

Find your true north

Alan managed to find a new purpose in life, not through work but through Buddhist practice.

Whatever transformation you want to see in life always starts from within.

We need to build our resilience somehow, or we become targets and victims of abusers and individuals with agendas and not our best interests in their hearts.

There are many ways to skin a cat, but the best way to do it is not to kill the animal, i.e. your true self. Whatever the circumstances, you must find your true north to avoid getting lost.

Seeking external influences that magically change your situation is a delusion. Enlightenment is to find your power and path to happiness in your unique way from within and actively change your life poisons into medicine.

Buddhism offers a practical method and mental tools to do that.

The sky is the limit — and now is the best time to see it

However, if you are not into Buddhism, I am sure you can find something that makes you tick.

Your north star might be something else.

It may be meditation, running a marathon or hugging trees. The point is to have a consistent, continuous and focused practice to reflect, re-evaluate and re-organise your attitudes towards the future and not cling to the past.

The outcomes of those practices are improving resilience, emerging growth mindset and inner happiness.

Without conscious spiritual practice and effort, 50+ blokes have very little to expect from their life, and then they are out of touch and out of reach.

We should not be attached to the pains and wrongs of the past. Instead, we must be open to the moment we are living now and direct our attention, thoughts, words and actions to make positive causes; when our attitude changes, the environment and our future will also change.

The vast sky of opportunities will become visible when your chosen practice blows the dark clouds of self-doubt and grudges away.

This philosophical concept of transforming life starting now is called the simultaneity of cause and effect, but I will write more about it another time.

This concept gives hope — not only for blokes over 50 — but for all. We can change anything within, and good things will eventually emerge.

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl.