Dear New Year: We are Free At Last

To the year that began it all:

I would like to start off personally by saying we would be nothing without the magnificently-glimmering , maleficent chaos that was 2020 . There was a certain beauty to her madness that was far overlooked by most caught in their own melancholia . We came into the year excited for a fresh start . A new year long playground to build and create whatever worlds we wanted . We charged in , brazenly and boldly so , ready to take on whatever 2020 threw our way . I won't say that that was a lie , but truth be told , we really didn't know what the hell we were getting ourselves into this year . Emphasis on hell . We came in raising our emotional glasses high , believing that nothing could tear us down . Enter in 2020 , still fresh off the assembly line , ready to drop the pendulum back down and cause a cultural reset to shock the washed masses . I was so caught up in my carefree nature that I raised my glass a little too high , and in came the wrecking ball to smash it to the floor again .

As a collective , 2020 demolished a lot of emotional foundations for people . The beloved cup that they had taken their entire life to procure the soul quenching juice for was now shattered into a million inconsolable pieces on the universe's floor . Forlorn figures trapped in the sight of our sorrows as a broken whole , we neglected to see the way mother's universal light refracted and caught the pieces of glass just so , shimmering in all of her woeful beauty . Even though 2020 was a train wreck from start to finish , the wreckage was a shattered glass that glittered like no other . When we stopped to examine the beauty of what was left behind , only then do we truly see how to pick up the pieces and move on . It's easy to forget that there is just as much gratitude to be had for your lowest of lows , and not only the highs that follow them . It's even harder to remember that when we feel as though we have sunken into the deepest of darkness , there is always the light refracting off the glass showing you the way up , and the way out . This last year brought the collective many valuable lessons through tower moment after tower moment . 2020 taught us how to destroy everything we once were , sift through the rubble of who we thought we were , pick up the pieces and move on with what was necessary , nothing more and nothing less . Whether or not I stepped out of the ego to examine the state of existence for myself was up to the strength of my consciousness .

This battle is one like no other I must tell you . Metamorphosis is a tricky process . The problem is once you begin , you don't have long to escape the cocoon before you risk suffocation . Once we begin awakening , we notice our patterns and begin to have to take action to actively stop them from happening . These patterns surround us , engulfing everything we do , surrounding every muscle we move . Moving forward , we must choose to break the patterns so that we do not become consumed by them . This year I will exercise my strength to recognize the patterns and the synchronicities . I will know with clarity what energy is for me . My focus will be on energies to help me grow and advance in my journey to ascension . This message was hard for me to accept multiple times throughout the past year , as the energy I had to let go was the very thing that had once been feeding me such light and such life . It took me a while to learn that it was not the energy sources themselves , but the styles of attachment I had grown to have with them . The pain in learning this lesson was immense , but it is my most valuable lesson to apply to 2021 and beyond . I have to let go of all of my previous earthly attachments , and everything I thought I knew about them , so that I can realign the way I create healthy attachments . To be candid , I was so busy listening to that hole in my heart that told me I needed love from everyone else that I refused to listen to my intuition that told me I needed to heal before pouring from a draining cup . To thrive in 2021 , we must form patterns of healthy attachment before diving head first into a sea of heartache .

To say the least , I let my patterns consume me last year . From here on out , we're ushering in a new era of freedom and balance in all things . We have to believe it is safe to love , but only when we truly value , love and appreciate the light that we have been given inside .

I let a perceived obligation control my love life and how I navigated my admirers . My inner child believed that I had to love everyone who loved me in the exact same way they loved me or I was mean or selfish . I wasn't really shown any other way in my immediate environment . I was insecure in the way I loved , and it grew to be my pattern of attachment . Coming out of my first love connection that truly hurt me , I was searching for an answer outside of myself . Something that I could focus my energy on in a good and productive way . A way to give light back into the world . I had learned of my purpose to heal this year , after all . At the start , everything seemed fine . I was reciprocating love to someone who I had always felt very strongly towards . I had doubted the foundations of the relationship , because I had not wanted to be confined at all . I didn't fight it , because I thought this was what love was supposed to be . A free flowing current of emotions . You can love , but boundaries are a thing my friend . You have to remember that boundaries do exist . I knew that I was not ready for a relationship , yet I still fell into my patterns , because what could be so wrong with love ? In those blissful moments , I could have never known the turmoil the subsequent relationship would have brought me . (Unless I counted those warning bells in my head as something to be listened to in the first place . Intuition for the win .)

In the beginning , it seemed so sweet . But as time dragged its swollen feet forward , I began to feel the effects of the pain and resentment my ego held deep within . I was so hurt and so afraid of everything I had created with everyone in my life that I convinced myself I didn't know who I was anymore and that I wasn't satisfied with anything . I ran completely from everything I was . My spirituality , my family , the way I expressed my love and affection . I became the antithesis of this mask I had created for the world . I fell into my darkness . 2020 consumed me , and I had to learn how to illuminate my shadows to find my way into the light of the new year . I ran so hard that I tore apart everything I had created . I had surrounded myself in my sorrows with everything I had ever hated because it was everything that I was , or so I thought . My old mentality blinded me to the beauty of my chaos . This was the fresh start I had always wanted masked in a cloak of self-destruction . The purge of hurt that my ego so desperately wanted to release . I wanted to set my soul free and the hurt told me this was the answer . I experienced everything that pained me for myself , so that I could know how I would work to never feel that way again . With that , I'd help others do the same . It sounds contrived , I know , but growth and rebirth takes a little death and destruction every once in a while . It is the cycle of life after all .

The cycle will now begin in 2021 , and we will be given a blank canvas to build anew . Reconstruct the life we truly want for ourselves . I will align my peace and security with my deepest desires . Through the rubble of 2020 , I found that the most important tool in this life is love through understanding in all things . True unconditional love . You must choose to love above all else . When you are surrounded by what you feel are the darkest of shadows , you must radiate nothing but love for them , because you understand that they only come from a place of hurt . Showing your light through the stormiest of seas can help bring a ship back to harbor on a tumultuous journey . The patterns of negativity and toxicity will be left in 2020 . I won't run anymore . We have to exercise strong will behind our boundaries . No more sitting back and watching things happen . It's time to take action . Go after the things you want and desire and align them with what you love always . Don't give way to confusion or temptation , they only slow you down and dim your shine . You must stay true to yourself always . You know that you are here to experience life through love and understanding in its various ways . We should not feel ashamed or guilty when we feel stifled or tired of fighting to tame an uncomfortable situation .

Sometimes you have to know that it's okay to let go .

Let the wild out .

What is for you will come back to you .

What is necessary will stay .

Stop fighting the current and start moving forward .

Go with the flow , not against it .

Evolve. Change . Learn . Grow . Solve .

That is the name of the game after all .