Creating my own life

"You are the creator of your own reality."

My mother said to me one day, "Your life will be anything you want it to be." My mother was insistent. She wanted me to hear and understand what she was trying to tell me. It was important to her that I truly understood her message.

I love and truly honor my mother, and always feel a wonderful calmness and happiness descend upon me when I am with her. Yet there was a part of me that didn’t know how to deal with the message she was telling me.

My mother recognized my disorientation, she held my hand and whispered, in a voice as soft as silk, “My darling girl, you’ve got to make a deliberate choice to always choose yourself and to embody and be the greatness that you could truly be."

I found myself thinking about this image. What would happen if I always chose myself? Being an exuberant expression of life, playing, laughing, feeling joyful. The thought of this not only energized me but also made me feel ecstatic. I like that image. I find it comforting. It helps me to envisage new and different possibilities.

Somewhere deep within me, I always sense that something wonderful and incredible was available for me, but it was never about attaining fame and fortune.

Meanwhile, stroking my back gently, my mother sat comfortably and relaxed, watching my every move from behind her glasses with pleasure, she didn’t feel the need to hide.

Happy to have my full attention, my mother continued enthusiastically, "Being the creator of everything in your life is a way of being, a mindset, an attitude, and an outlook that must be ever-present in your energy and awareness."

The key to my mother's message is this - We are the creator of everything in our life. Our choice creates our reality. It is creating what’s showing up in our life. It isn’t something we do once and then sit back and relax. We have to continually choose to be, to live, to act, and to function from the space that would create the greatest future possibilities.

This message changed everything, changed me. It caught me completely unguarded. Up to that moment, first and foremost I never chose to see who I actually was. I always tried to put myself in context with everything else. That was how I lived. I was not willing to be everything, to be all that I was and be all of me.

My "aha" moment came when I realized that I had been living my life from other people's points of view of right or wrong or good or bad. I gave up my awareness in order to buy the rightness of this reality. I always felt the need to seek approval.

Of course, it is one thing to recognize the wisdom in an idea such as this. It is entirely another thing to actualize it as my reality.

One thing is for sure, I don't want to live a lethargic and listless life, desensitized to awareness and seeing. I want every day to be full of joy, adventures, and unlimited possibilities.

After that conversation with my mother, I began to see the world through different eyes. I made a deliberate choice to become a creator source of my own reality.

Later in the day, I was alone in the garden sitting in my favorite chair, looking at the beautiful sunset. The sky felt so bright with orange-gold stretching far and wide. The sky looked like it was spray-painted by an artist. I was staggered by the beauty.

I sat still for a moment, unsettled with the thought that my life could be anything I wanted it to be and not because of some mysterious force. My mother's comment stuck with me. I started mulling over what she meant.

I was intrigued with the idea of 'being the creator source of my own life'. Not as a measure of how much a person values themselves, as it is frequently thought of. but as a conscious and generative way of being and living.

A sudden wind blew in my direction, warm and gentle. It smelled interesting and reminded me of cinnamon and sweet basil, which made me think back to the time when I was a young girl living in Thailand. In those days, I'd spend a lot of energy trying to fulfill other people's expectations of who I should be and what I should do.

Little by little, I came to learn how my attitudes, beliefs and viewpoints were constructed, propagated, internalized. I could not help but suspect that this point of view was still an invisible force in my life.

I started contemplating what I would have to be and do differently in order to become the creator source of my own life. I recognized the truth that it's totally up to me to either create the life I would like to have or to be stifled by the one I was living.

Making the choice to be the creator source of my own life is the place where I realize that the way people function and live according to this reality is not enough for me. I would like to create something different.

I knew that there was much more to life than what those around me chose. I became aware of the catalyst I could be for a different possibility in the world. It was the “Wow” moment of my life—a spontaneous awareness of what can be generated. Realizing this, my question became, “What can I be, do, have, create, or generate to actualize this? What do I demand of life?"

Being the creator source of my own life isn’t a concept. It’s not some kind of far-fetched, supernatural imagining. It’s not spiritual or religious. This is an open-ended space where anything becomes possible, everything is available, and the choices I make determine how I am willing to be with myself and everybody around me.

In order to become a creator of my own reality, I must make a demand of myself to be everything I can possibly be regardless of anyone or anything. And I've learned that sometimes I have to step out of my comfort zone to recognize that I have the power and capacity to create a different reality.

What was required was that I made a deliberate choice to acknowledge how I kept myself small - how I use my fixed points of view, identities, and mental pictures to keep myself trapped in my comfort zone.

I was willing to clearly see my choices. First, I learned to recognize that any difficulty was my own creation, instead of trying to escape from it. Then when life situations that didn’t work for me arose, I was willing to challenge my points of view, my identities, and my sense of comfort.

I made a conscious choice to be the creator of my life. No one else. If my heart’s desires are not actualized, only I have the power to take action to change that.

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