Are You Living Your Values or Someone Else’s

Imagine waking up every day, checking off tasks, hitting milestones, and yet feeling a strange emptiness. You’re busy. You’re productive. You might even be successful by most definitions. But deep down, you’re not sure why you're doing any of it.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. Many people live in quiet misalignment not with reality, but with themselves. The deeper question beneath the fatigue, the burnout, and the restlessness is this: Are you living your values, or someone else’s?

The Quiet Hijacking of Your Values

From childhood, we are flooded with expectations parents, teachers, peers, culture, social media. Over time, without realizing it, we absorb those external voices. We confuse them for our own. A career in medicine may not be a calling, but a legacy. A desire for financial security might actually be a fear of disappointing your father. Even seemingly noble goals like “helping others” or “making an impact” can be subtly shaped by the need for approval.

We don’t consciously choose these values; they settle into our lives like background apps on a phone always running, draining our energy, even if we rarely open them.

Why Values Matter (More Than You Think)

Values aren’t just lofty ideals. They’re the internal compass that guides every choice, every relationship, every priority. When your actions align with your true values, you experience clarity, motivation, and fulfillment even in hardship. When they don’t, you feel friction, exhaustion, and confusion—even when you're "winning."

Living out of alignment is like steering a ship with someone else’s map. You may cover distance, but you’ll never arrive where your soul wants to go.

The Telltale Signs You’re Living Someone Else’s Life

How do you know you’ve drifted from your own values? Watch for these subtle but powerful signs:

Chronic dissatisfaction, even when things are going “right.”

Overwhelm, despite being organized and efficient.

People-pleasing patterns and fear of disappointing others.

Avoiding difficult decisions because they threaten the status quo.

Envy when you see others making bold, authentic choices.

These are not failures they’re signals. Your inner life is trying to get your attention.

Reclaiming Your True Values

The good news? You can take your life back quietly, powerfully, and without burning it all down. Here’s how:

1. Get Honest About Your Current Values

Ask yourself: What values are guiding me right now? Look at where your time, money, and energy go not where you say your values are, but where they show up in action. You might discover you’ve been valuing security over growth, approval over truth, or comfort over purpose.

2. Define What Actually Matters to You

What do you value when no one’s watching? When you feel most alive, most peaceful, or most proud what are you doing? Who are you with? Why does it matter? These moments are breadcrumbs leading back to your real self.

Some examples of core values:

Freedom

Integrity

Connection

Creativity

Contribution

Simplicity

Courage

Wonder

Choose 3 to 5 values that feel non-negotiable the kind you’d be willing to stand up for even if no one applauded.

3. Start Small, Live Loud

You don’t need a dramatic life overhaul. Start by realigning small daily decisions. If you value creativity, make time to write or paint, even if just for 20 minutes. If you value honesty, practice saying “no” when you mean it. With every choice, ask: Does this honor my values or someone else’s?

The Real Measure of Success

True success isn’t how far you go it’s how true you are to yourself along the way. A smaller life rooted in your values will always feel more expansive than a big life built on someone else’s dreams.

So pause and reflect: Are you living your life by design or by default? The answer could change everything.