An Open Letter to the Universe.

Dear Whoever is listening,

I have been holding a lot of words hostage. Some that may strike a painful chord within you, others that may warm your heart. Whichever way this letter pushes you, I hope you take the time to consider why. There is a lot on my heart... some heaviness, many experiences, and an abundance of joyful and warm moments. All of which have melded together to create that which I am. I think it is important for you to understand something before we get started, you and I are a collected combination of all the people we have met, all those we have loved, and undoubtedly all we have heard and experienced.

This year I hit what I consider to be a milestone year, my last in my twenties. This pandemic has encouraged a lot of solitude and in those moments of being alone with myself (after I got my toddler down to sleep) I was forced to sit with my racing my mind, and to dive deeper into all the intricate pieces of myself. Not all of it was laughter and connection and accomplishment, actually for me, most of it was contrast, opposition, even confusion. I have sat with it all, nearly two years strong now, over analyzed, heavily dissected and reflected. What part in the chaos did I play? Who in my story did I hurt or let down? How did the world around me actively contribute to my own discord? Perspective is surely subjective, but still viciously relevant.

In all the years of reading self help books and playing podcasts and teachings around healing, there is a common theme, " do not play victim ". In my experience, the victim role is an honest and necessary one. It is important that we allow ourselves to feel that end of the spectrum. It is necessary to feel pain, sadness and anger. These emotions are part of our internal compass. They are meant to guide us to our true north and bring us to stepping into the highest version of ourselves. When we allow ourselves to feel sadness, resentment, anger ... we are acknowledging our larger desires. As Abraham Hicks speaks on, we are constantly, unknowingly, creating " rockets of desire". Feeling the heaviness, acknowledging the contrast, helps us to paint a clearer picture of the life we want for ourselves.

No one wants to feel bad. Or do they? What if the life you were born into, was a life deliberately full of heaviness. What if you were consciously born into a world where you were meant to be let down and suppressed in order to project you into your highest being. Perhaps, all the contrast you experienced was meant to help you shed your skin and expand. No one deserves to experience abuse, poverty, heartache, addiction, but what if it is necessary. All of these things could have been a generational pattern, a soul contract, or in your eyes... bad luck. How ever you interpret it, just understand it is necessary. We all came forth with a very valuable and unique purpose. Experiencing detriment, lack, sadness, not only allows us to desire more for ourselves but also allows for the people in our circle to subconciously connect and do the same for themselves.

Humans do not come forth as vicious, judgmental, sad, depressed, or addicted. We all enter the world as whole, content and kind. The people put on our path and our life experiences shake us up. We become disconnected from source energy, we become hardened to love and connection, we step into aggression as a defense mechanism for our hearts. No one wants to willingly admit that who they are or what they have done may have thrown someone else off course. No family wants to acknowledge that that addict or that family member battling depression, was cultivated by the experiences around them. In my experience ugly begins at home. Pain manifests from a young age, in many ways, for many different people. How it is shown or projected vastly differs. Whether it is transmuted into self harm or that of others, we all become parts of the soil we grew from.

It is easiest to tell those suffering around us that it is self inflicted, instead of acknowledging our part in it or the role society has played. So many of us has become robotic and emotionally disconnected from each other and the world around us because that is what we are taught to do. From a very young age we are taught to disconnect from our own personal thoughts and needs and desires. We are taught to calibrate to what the world wants of us. Listen to your parents, listen to your teacher, please your partner. Even if all of these these things deter us from who we are. We are taught it is easier to blend in than to stand out. It is easier to not speak unless spoken to, then to take up space and be seen and heard. The generations before us were imprinted with this. When they see their children and grandchildren crawling out of their mold, it confuses and angers them. Not because it is wrong but because they have given up so much of their life appeasing other people.

Now more than ever it is important to speak on what you feel. It is imperative to show up authentically no matter who you may make uncomfortable. You did not come forth only to please others, but to create contrast that allows others to expand. Those that hurt you, tell them. Those that support you, tell them too. Allow the world around you to understand the impact it has on you because your perspective matters. The pain you feel is valid and when you express it, even if it is not well received, it leaves an imprint for the next generation so that they may tread more lightly.

Feel what you feel. You are not a victim for those emotions. You are in tune with who you are when you feel them, and you are helping to recreate your own reality going forward. Telling someone you love how they hurt you does not make you weak, it doesn't make you confrontational. It makes you self aware and confident in what you deserve. You are laying the ground work for your children and their children, you are giving someone else around you the confidence to speak up, as we all deserve to. The way that someone interprets your thoughts and feelings is no fault of your own, it is merely a reflection of the internal work they are neglecting.

My favorite cliche is " hurt people hurt people" and it does not get more true than that. The next time someone passes a hurtful judgement, or tries to squash one of your dreams, realize it's because their subconscious is doing that to them. If someone mentally or physically hurts you, remind yourself that someone, somewhere has done that to them. The best "revenge", the most sensational way to balance the scale, is to show up with love. Though not always easy, it is necessary. When we allow ourselves to show up as our highest self, we guide others to doing the same. Boundaries are necessary, as is acknowledgment and forgiveness. Go forth with empathy and show up with love, despite all you have been through , this is how we all heal.