An Ode to Love

It had been a while since the separation. My mom had offered to take my daughter for the night to catch up on, well, anything and everything I had fallen behind on for the last four years of motherhood, or as she insisted, to take time to relax. I hadn't been on a date in ages, and to be honest I hadn't had much desire to as I had not been lucky in love. The men I chose to love never loved me... At least not in the way that I needed to be.

I had always felt a deep lacking within myself. My inner feminine perhaps crushed by trainwreck after trainwreck of missed timing, poor judgments and emotional unavailability. I needed to be seen the way no one had ever seen me, heard in the way no one had ever heard me. Maybe that love didn't exist for me in a man, but in a woman. I pulled a bottle of my favorite merlot off the shelf.

It had been so long and very rarely did I have the opportunity to date. After all I had been through, why shouldn't I indulge in her? In her sweetness, her heart, her spirit... She needed me and I needed her. Whilst I filled the tub, I gathered the courage to call upon her, her beauty, and her strength. I hoped it would ease my shaking nerves, as I had never felt this way before in my entire life.

I poured a glass of wine as the water ran. The scent of my almond vanilla candle warmed the air and my spirit. My body melted as I eased into the warmth of the bath. The scarlet kiss of my merlot hit my lips as I tilted back my glass. Is your kiss as sweet as this? Were any? Is your body as rich and as warm as the wine I sip? I queried. I yearned to see you and embrace you as I had always wanted to be.

Sweet love, how I ached to know you, every thought, every flaw. How I wished to hold space for you like no one ever could for me. To show you that the world isn't the bitter purgatory you thought you'd always be stuck in. Woman, amazing in your form just as you are, I wish to love you for more than your body. I want you to know that when things are tough, you my queen, are an unstoppable force and I will always be here for you.

Just as the heat of my small oasis turned luke, she called to me. I knew it was time. I had to face her. I needed to tell her all the things I had always wanted to hear and to mean them. I pulled a towel over myself. Trembling with the nerves of new beginnings I stepped out of the tub and to my surprise I saw you. Standing before me, the most magnificent, radiant woman I had ever laid my eyes upon. Dripping in all her power.

Why did it take me so long to know you? To love you? I never knew I could need love so much, everlasting and unconditional. A love I could have never envisioned until I acknowledged that you existed. A light that always existed. A light who now engulfed my overwhelming abyss with the flames of your authenticity.

Channeling the warrior in my spirit and embracing the place where I once felt vulnerable,

"I love you." I said.

And as I gazed into the mirror, for the first time in my life, I knew I was truly and completely loved.