All Hope Is Not Lost

I am feeling a little bit lost. I have a heavy pain in my chest from my anxiety constantly crushing my ribs. I have a feeling of sadness that comes and goes, but usually stays to remind me that I am sad and feeling hopeless. I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 13. This past year has felt like I have hit my rock bottom. Feeling so empty and unsure of myself. I moved to Australia when I was 18. Having nothing but two suitcases. I had such big ideas of what my life here, in Australia would become. When I was 14 years old, I was admitted into a Mental Health facility for 1 week. I actually was the one that asked for help. I knew that I needed help and wanted to get better. When I was 14 years old, my depression was unbearable. I felt so fucking lonely. I was self harming and truly contemplating suicide. I never, in my life had felt that way before. After I spent a week there, I came out and felt better. Still sad, but better. But now I am feeling that way again. Feeling helpless and hopeless. Living in constant anxiety and sadness. So anxious to the point that I can't leave my apartment. Fearful that my life will be nothing but sadness and anxiety.

The weird thing is, I know that is not true. I have felt lost before, but found my direction. I believe in this journey we call "life", we must feel pain and emptiness, so we can become our true self. I feel hope. I have watched myself fall apart once before, but I survived that and felt happiness. I must carry on, even when life feels so heavy. I know that I am capable and deserving of experiencing life in the most magnificent ways. I do know that peace will come. I do know that one day, I will be able to look back and be so thankful for my struggles, pain and sadness. Life is never going to be easy and I am okay with that. I am so thankful and proud of myself for holding onto hope. For a flower to grow, it must be rained on. For a flower to grow, it must feel the warmth from the sun. I am just like a flower. I will bloom and become something I never thought was possible. I will take my sadness and I will turn it into beauty. I have felt too much in my life, to believe that I will not reach become my healthy, beautiful, confident self.

My reasoning for sharing this is because if you are struggling, you will come out better and healthier. I understand how hard and painful life can be. How lonely and hopeless things may seem.. but it is possible to heal from those things. To achieve greatness and all goals. Depression is one evil mother f@*ker, but you can do this. You must have hope. Hope is the only thing that has kept me going. I believe this all to be true for anyone struggling.

You are brave. You are magic. You are greatness.

You. Can. Do. It.