Matilda Kushner

All Hope Is Not Lost

I am feeling a little bit lost. I have a heavy pain in my chest from my anxiety constantly crushing my ribs. I have a feeling of sadness that comes and goes, but usually stays to remind me that I am sad and feeling hopeless. I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 13. This past year has felt like I have hit my rock bottom. Feeling so empty and unsure of myself. I moved to Australia when I was 18. Having nothing but two suitcases. I had such big ideas of what my life here, in Australia would become. When I was 14 years old, I was admitted into a Mental Health facility for 1 week. I actually was the one that asked for help. I knew that I needed help and wanted to get better. When I was 14 years old, my depression was unbearable. I felt so fucking lonely. I was self harming and truly contemplating suicide. I never, in my life had felt that way before. After I spent a week there, I came out and felt better. Still sad, but better. But now I am feeling that way again. Feeling helpless and hopeless. Living in constant anxiety and sadness. So anxious to the point that I can't leave my apartment. Fearful that my life will be nothing but sadness and anxiety.