A Perfectionist's Guide To Self-Care

As Originally Posted on Medium

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“This is self-care,” I whispered to myself, short of breath. I was in a hot yoga class for the first time, arms and legs twisted. I felt like I was resting at satan’s doorstep.

The temperature kept rising, and movement between poses was pure agony.

Who the hell thinks this is fun? Who the hell likes this?

But I need to like it because it’s self-care. Doing hot yoga is self-care because I am pushing myself to do something that I totally want to do.

The second that class concluded, I not rolled up my mat hastily and hurried out of that place. I never went back.

I sat angry for days about my experience. It was so hot and painful, all I could remember was my dramatic reenactments of class that played in my head.

But obviously, hot yoga wasn’t the problem, it was my attitude toward self-care.

I was mad at myself that I was struggling in class. But most of all, I am so angry that I was angry at hot yoga. I was supposed to be relaxing, not bursting a blood vessel over a 1-hour hot yoga session.

I wanted so desperately for this to be my self-care. I wanted to schedule a class once a week to get my self-care out of the way. So I was pissed at myself for ruining this. I had the perfect plan!

But then I realized I need to chill the fuck out and go find something better!

I am a perfectionist so I obviously want things perfect.

I want a perfect daily routine.

I want a perfect self-care ritual.

I want a perfectly balanced life.

Thankfully, I’ve discovered that self-care can be anything that I want it to be.

Self-care does not need to be hot yoga; it can be anything.

See, I prefer slow flow yoga, where there is nothing planned; I move my body. I like taking a stroll outside at night because the darkness is peaceful to me. I love taking showers and trying new body wash.

All of that is self-care. Every example I gave is my self-care.

After years of trying to make my self-care look a certain way, I have learned to let that go.

Self-care is not preset, nor is anyone’s self-care the same.

A few years ago, I threw out what I thought self-care was and decided to do what makes me happy.

Read, read, and read some more.

Reading is a great tool that can help you learn about self-care. Within reading — no matter what the subject is, we are learning something. We may find a new interest or discover some things we may not like.

But if you’re a perfectionist like I am, you may be so focused on just finishing the book — then you fail at actually reading the book.

Now reading can really be difficult when it comes to getting out of your own head and wanting to read the book. Reading books takes a long time, so maybe I need to strengthen my patience skill set.

When I am too focused on making progress, I use Audible. I’m a long-time user of Audible, with my own personal collection of my favorite books. It is such a great help to get me out of a slump.

The part that I love best about using Audible is that I can speed up the reader to take in more of the book much quicker! It’s perfect for me and my unhinged perfectionism!

If you’d like to try audible, follow my affiliate link to receive 1 free month of audible plus and up to 2 free books.

Get an Amazon Audible Premium 30-day free trial, with 1 free audiobook (2 free audiobooks for Prime Members). Don’t have Amazon? You can try Amazon for 30-days free.

Go out there and try something new!

Don’t know what you like? That’s great! Now you can try everything to find your self-care.

I started this by doing a trial membership at a rock climbing facility in town. The rock climbing was auto-belay, which meant a little pulley system would allow me to climb on my own.

As a struggling perfectionist, I know that I am afraid to try anything new. I hate not being the best at everything right off the bat. Being able to try something, anything at all, with minimal oversight is so helpful.

If I had let my fear of failing to stop me from trying, I wouldn’t have known that I would love it!

Now you don’t need to try rock climbing. But next time you are driving to work or the store, take note of the businesses you pass. Keep an eye out for any gyms, studios, specialty shops that look interesting to you.

Maybe you’ll find a weekly special for a bowling alley or a half-price price at a roller rink. These are all things you can do on your own — or even with friends — to get out and try something.

Whether you hate it or love it, you’re going to learn something about yourself.

Take a 5-minute walk

Aside from trying a fun new activity, simple movement is a great way to find self-care.

With my perfectionism, I’m an all-or-nothing person. I need to do something perfectly, and fully or not at all.

5 minute walk? That’s a waste of my time; I can’t walk unless I have an hour or more available. It’ll be boring to walk for 5 minutes, or it will not do anything for me.

Just walking can bring many great benefits, like a positive lift to your mood and even strengthening bones and muscles, says NIH News In Health.

Those 5 minute walks throughout your days and weeks begin to add up. In that 5 minutes you walk, you are focused on completing these 5 minutes (no matter how much of a waste of time you may think it is).

Enjoy the process — and your progress!

Please don’t take this as a homework assignment, even though I know you want to.

As a perfectionist, we know that we want things perfect, and they always need to be perfect. There is a wealth of self-care ideas out there that can benefit you besides hot yoga. But if you want to try hot yoga, go ahead! Maybe it’ll be perfect for you!

Self-care is a wondrous journey that fuels your soul. Don’t try to rush to find something because others are doing it. Of course, try it to see if it works for you. If it does, then that’s awesome! If it doesn’t, then try something new.

The ways in which we use self-care will change and evolve throughout life.