A lovely Masterpiece and A Work In Progress

Guess who just finished their first chapter of Mel Robbins' book, 'Take Control of Your Life'? Well, it wasn't exactly a chapter—it was a full-on session with a guy named 'Dan'. Let me tell you, it was perfect! If you're battling a fear of making a move or need a shift in your life, I highly recommend it. I'm a big fan of Mel Robbins. She's smart, quirky, and doesn't beat around the bush when it comes to life. Her stories and struggles always catch me off guard, making me feel more 'normal' in the process.

Now, let me give you some context. This book had been sitting in my Audible library for ages. But after a recent trip, I had a sudden realization—I'm feeling stuck, and I'm pretty sure I'm the problem. You see, I just had the most incredible week in ages. It was a much-needed break because I was dealing with a series of never-ending BS moments that hit me one after the other.

I managed to break my foot while doing the most ordinary thing.

First, I walked away from a low-paying yet somewhat decent job that I actually enjoyed. The only problem? The workplace culture was toxic. I'm talking top-tier toxic, the kind that breaks you down slowly until you start questioning your existence. There were days when I'd leave work, spend the commute home crying like a toddler (snot and all), just to release all those pent-up emotions. Inevitably this led to a heart-to-heart discussion with my two- and six-year-old, and together, we decided it was time for Mommy to resign. So, I did it—I took that leap of faith.

Next, I jumped into my own business full-time, with two big clients lined up. I was ready to conquer the world! Until, well, Client 1 vanished into thin air. It felt like a disastrous first date with no explanation. And then Client 2 had a change of heart, leaving me wondering if I had messed everything up. *Facepalm* Shortly after that rollercoaster, just when things were looking up again, I broke my foot. Wanna know how? I simply left the house. Yup, that's right—I managed to break my foot while doing the most ordinary thing. It was painful for my body, my mind, and my wallet. Oh, the joys of life!

I genuinely believed I could figure things out, follow through, and do whatever I set my mind to.

As if all that wasn't enough, within that six-month period, I discovered that I had put my trust in the wrong person once again. You know those friendship breakups that cut deep? Yeah, don't mix business and friendship, folks. Trust me, it's a painfully terrible idea. But there I was, counting on that 'imaginary income' I thought I could bank on, only to have my whole world crash.

It got dangerously bad. So, when I say I needed a break, I mean I NEEDED a break. And let me tell you, it was truly amazing!

I had great conversations, explored ideas and concepts I had never voiced out loud, had some hearty laughs, sipped some fine wine, and just... existed. Now, you might think all of this happened over two weeks, but nope, it all went down in just three spicy days. And it was exactly what I needed. I felt rejuvenated, on cloud fifty (yes, I skipped 49), almost reborn. For the first time in a long while, I genuinely believed I could figure things out, follow through, and do whatever I set my mind to.

But then, the inevitable happened—I woke up on the morning I had to leave, and a wave of grief and dread hit me. Have you ever woken up on a mountain top or in the countryside, where you see that mist slowly folding in, feeling the spicy chill, and knowing it's going to be a scorching hot day? Well, that's exactly how I felt. It made no sense. I had a full-on conversation with myself, forcing a smile through the checkout, the driver, the train ride, and even while waiting to board. But the dread and grief were still there, stubbornly clinging to me. It hit me—I didn't want to go back.

Forget about being excited to see my two adorable schmoozes, forget about the reset button being pressed, forget about the validation I needed from the trip. Dread and grief overshadowed everything. And let me tell you, that triggered a series of thoughts down a slippery slope. I panicked, trying to amp myself up with self-motivation: 'You've got this!' 'Stop doing this!' 'Why are you doing this?' 'What is happening?!' Overthinking, my old friend, had paid me a visit again.

As the journey back home began that morning, I could feel myself physically imploding. It was a gradual process, starting from the moment I sat down in my seat and we started heading in the direction of 'Home.' A weird sadness washed over me. I thought maybe I was just tired, so I tried to sleep, hoping it would make me forget. But no, it only made me feel nauseated. Maybe I was hungry? But even chocolate and water couldn't fix it. Nothing worked, not even the joyous reunion with my kids, their tiny feet pattering, and their loud, resounding "MOMMY, YOU'RE HOME! We missed you!!" Nothing could chase away that cloud hanging over me.

…that's exactly what I was experiencing on my trip back home—overwhelm and panic.

Something was wrong, and I knew I had to snap out of it. That's when I searched for a solution. I decided to do the things I had planned, and one of them was starting to write publicly about everything I was going through. So, here I am, putting my thoughts into words, sharing my journey. It's one step I'm taking towards finding my way back to myself. Another step is finishing my library of books, and the third step is being fully present for my precious schmoozes amongst a plethora of doings.

Today seemed like the perfect day to start. The sun was shining, and all the laundry had dried, giving me the opportunity to iron and rearrange our closet spaces, which had looked like a bomb had exploded inside. I made the beds, all while listening to Mel Robbins' wise words in 'Take Control of Your Life.' I skimmed through the workbook, did the first exercise, and intentionally finished two chapters so I could do the exercises later. And you know what? I already started feeling better. So, I decided to keep the momentum going.

I took a walk with my kids, played and raced with them, and yes, I even shouted at them when my little N (My 4-year-old now) thought the road was a playground. But it was all in good fun. We pretended I was a shark in the grass, chasing them through the paths, and we laughed our hearts out. Then we went to the grocery store, bought some grub, and had a light lunch of sandwiches and lollipops. Afterward, I sat down to do some work.

I'll embrace the uncertainty, learn from my experiences, andkeep taking those small steps forward.

I still felt that dull ache in my chest, that lingering cloud over my head, but it was less intense than before. You see, in Mel's book, she talks about Dan and his fear of getting things done. He had this grand dream of owning a wine bar, even went as far as taking a course for it. But when he thought about the enormity of his goal, panic set in. And that's exactly what I was experiencing on my trip back home—overwhelm and panic.

But Dan didn't let that stop him. Mel gave him a simple task: to take the first step. Just one step, no matter how small. And he did it. He researched the wine bar industry, wrote down ideas, and made a phone call. That one step changed everything for him, and it gave me hope. So, I decided to take my own first step. Writing this blog post is my way of conquering that overwhelm, facing my fears, and pushing forward.

I don't have all the answers yet. I don't know how my journey will unfold or where it will lead me. But, what I do know is that I won't let fear and doubt hold me back anymore. I'll embrace the uncertainty, learn from my experiences, and keep taking those small steps forward. Because in the end, it's about taking control of our lives and finding the joy, fulfillment, and peace we deserve.

So, here's to being a lovely Masterpiece and an amazingly curious Work in Progress.

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