A growth mindset

I never have believed in New Years resolutions. I believe in new me resolutions which occur after a profound realisation in me has been reached through the painful grip of real life experiences and challenges. Being an introvert holds its own challenges and Covid added more weight to the burden. Though instead of complaining about it I’ve decided to embrace it.

This for me is about embracing discomfort over comfort, discipline over instant gratification and most importantly, self accountability over self conjured excuses and the blame game of false faults. I journal everyday now for two main benefits.

1. To have that accountability stare and glare me right in the face when I fall short of what I ‘know’ I must do to move forward. It also keeps Plowing the snow off my path when I’m moving in the right direction.

2. It allows me to vent when things bother me, to get them off my heart and on the chart. Pain left unchecked in the mind is as an ignored infection. It will only spread until it consumes you like crows to a carcass.

3. Moulds my mindset. I can clearly see on paper when I lack gratitude for what I have. It also allows me to gauge my thinking patterns to see where I can improve on my positive/negative self talk.

I joined the local gym and now sweat it out a minimum of 5 days a week, not to become a mountain of physical stature, but to gain the discipline and mastery to overcome the mountains in my mind. The mountains of doubt, disbelief and discouragement. The steep hills of regret and self punishment that come from times gone by and ‘what if’s’ that constantly suck away silently at my soul.

It’s the process more than the destination and like many if not all, I am constantly finding my inner voice that is my uniqueness that I may sing my yet unsung songs and create something that makes this world smile or dance through the falling ash and smog of corruptions volcano. Negativity, negativity, negativity all around, like a blunt piercing sound.

My resolution is only one sound, a cheerful resound of positivity, growth and being better than I was yesterday. How do I measure this? Not with ruler nor scale, but with pen, paper and progress. It manifests as a confident voice whispering “maybe this is possible” and quickly grows into the booming shout of “I am unstoppable” it is the voice of personal growth that first you feel through pain and then becomes real through gain.

I have failed many times before and will many more, but I, and only I decide when I finally close my door. For my resolution is the joy in only finding satisfation when I push through despite pain, rejection and all that finds itself an obstacle trying to squeeze me back into mediocrity. I believe that success is a scar tattooed firmly on an intimate part of your body that only you can feel, but others can clearly see. It is that tattoo that is now being constantly and painfully etched deep into my skin.

I’ve grown and matured over the last 10 weeks physical and mentally and will continue to grow but goal is not quick growth that shrivels with trials, but rather, growth like a tree. Strong roots that burrow deep with a firm foundation to withstand the strongest tempests. That foundation is purpose, it’s the why behind it all. I found my why through many years of suffering and stupidity, often coupled together like a marriage between two blind people running toward a ravine. I could no longer look at myself in the mirror and force a smile at what looked back at me. No, only an unforced frown from me and a sorrow man pointing and laughing back. Not anymore!

sometimes change is optional, sometimes it’s forced, it almost always hits hard and hurts like hell. But like the growing pains of growing up and adult teeth gouging through your gums, change leads to a better you, a stronger you and a more resilient you. Well, that’s how I try to look at it anyway. So, is my resolution going to change the world? Likely not. But it will and has continued to change me to push myself further than yesterday and closer to a better tomorrow. It has become my ethos to challenge myself everyday to;

1. Do one thing I don’t want to do, or think of something that’s not comfortable for me and at least try it

2. Talk to at least 1 new person (even just smiling and saying hello)

3. Journal my whole day and review my self talk. Even just list one good thing about the day to start with

4. Meditate upon waking up to give myself focus and peace of mind to start the day.

5. Get outdoors for at least an hour and get some of that sweet fresh prana

6. Stop comparing myself to anyone but myself

7. sweat it out and get those muscles working for at least thirty minutes a day, even if it’s just a mild walk

8. Be happy just being myself.

My resolution has not changed for a long time and will not change, it is constantly a work in progress, it is a mindset and a way of life. It is a resolve that will keep me from becoming hat I once was and will transform me into something I never imagined I could become.