5 Things You Can Do Now to Create a Better 2021

2020 is finally over. Though if you are like me, you felt like it would never end. If you are like me, you felt like last year took more from you than you had to give. Between the Covid-19 crisis, unemployment, civil unrest, evictions and so much more; there were many times where I did not even want to get out of bed.

Get dressed? For what. Go out? And risk contraction of Covid-19... I don't think so. Almost over night we had to adjust our social lives in order to stay alive. While some did not experience any disruptions to their day to day lives, others were not so lucky. Widespread loss. Depressed souls were not granted any reprieve from the aftermath of what may be regarded for many as the worst year of the century.

No time to grieve. No time to rest. People all over the world had to pick up the shambles of what was formally their lives. This brings us to 2021.

If you are reading this, congratulations! Yes... it is bittersweet. Life has not looked the same for many and 2021 is proving to be just as challenging. But, I would like to point out that you made it. You are here. You really did it. Not everyone can say that. Not just that, you are actually reading something in hopes of making this year even better for yourself! This sets you apart from the crowd that is just going through the motions. You are being proactive in bettering your life, and that is something to celebrate!

You may be wondering who I am. What gives me the confidence to help you help yourself? How could I possibly know better? Well, I am just a regular guy that is fed up with being sad. Fed up with feeling sorry for myself. Yes, my luck was not the best last year. I lost so much, and gained so little. There were many times that I wanted to quit. Quit my job, quit my friends, quit my life... but one day I realized something. If I give up, I lose everything. What does 2020 lose? What cost 2020 everything?

The answer is nothing. When we decide to give up on ourselves we are the ones who are compromised. We are the ones who lose everything we have worked so hard to gain. I don't know better than anyone reading this. I am not smarter than you. I am not better than you. I'm just tired of walking out of my door everyday and seeing nothing but defeated faces. And then looking in the mirror only to see a defeated face staring back at me... This year, we conquer.

We conquer 2021 for ourselves. It's time to reclaim: Our happiness, our smiles, our friends and family that we fell out of touch with, our goals that we pushed away because too much was going on. Our motivation. It's time to reclaim our Peace. You may not think so, but you are deserving of happiness. You are deserving of joy and love. Those things may feel out of reach. For me, sometimes they still do. But that is just a defeated mentality.

"Within Reach" is however close or far away you choose it to be. When it comes to creating your own happiness and bettering your own mental health, your mind is an extension of your limbs. Let it carry you to where you want to be, where you need to be. Creating peace around yourself and within yourself will be your greatest tool in fighting back this year. Fighting back sadness, fighting back fatigue (both mental and physical), fighting back the notion that you are stuck. You are not stuck.

You may feel lost. Contrary to common belief, that's okay. It is okay to feel lost. Recognize those negative feelings. Recognize how you feel at this very moment. If it's sadness, then accept that sadness. Pretending like you are not sad will not make you feel happy. Pretending like everything is okay does not make it okay. Instead, focus on the feeling itself. How do you feel about it? Some people are content in their current mental state and/or situations. If you are reading this however, chances are that you are not satisfied and are looking for ways to break out the cycle of pain, rage, sadness, and regret.

Well, I am happy to tell you that there are 5 simple things that you can start doing right now that will make this a much better year for you. Truly. It costs no money to try these tactics. The only sacrifices that you have to make is sacrificing the things that are pulling you down, and not lifting you up. 2020 was a tough year. Universally bad- not even an exaggeration. 2021 does not have to be this way though. These years to come are yours for the taking. Here are some things that you can try that will help you shape your future how you see fit.

1. Keep Better Company (this includes yourself)

We all know those people that complain about everything. Everything is always wrong. Nothing is ever right. You bring good news and they try to find a reason to be skeptical, suspicious, or flat out unsupportive. This may even be you. This negative mentality is so powerful that it can corrupt those nearby. Suddenly the news you were excited about has lost its luster. You are no longer happy, just upset that you shared with this person.

Separate. Yourself. Now. Not only will people like this pull you down with them, but their outlook is infectious. Misery loves company.

If you happen to be the person described above; we have got some work to do. It will be impossible for you to create a better self and a better year if you allow negativity to control your thoughts, opinions, and actions. Instead of seeing the negative in everything, why not look for the positives? So your favorite sports team lost? Hey, there is always next week. So you failed that test, again? The fact that you took it again shows that you aren't willing to give up. So study up and keep on trying. You are training your mind to be resilient. You are creating a habit of dusting yourself off and trying again. That defeat only serves to strengthen your resolve.

The Law of Attraction states that positive thoughts create positive results. Once you can break out of that negative state you open up yourself to a world of possibilities. But, as mentioned above, negativity is contagious. You have got to free yourself from those in your life who suck the joy from you. It is not wrong to let go of things that do not push you to be a better you. This includes toxic friends, family members, and partners. Happiness is much more than a state of mind, it is a state of being. Personifying the positivity that you need in life will prove useful in conquering one of your biggest enemies, which is yourself.

2. Recognize Your Worth

This one may seem easy and simple, but the reality is that it's not. Many people have been walked on, mistreated, and abused from early points in their lives. All of this trauma, some of which are repeated traumas, come together in your mind and tell your brain that you must be experiencing this as some sort of retribution.

"Things like this don't happen to good people."

"I did something to deserve this."

"This is nothing new, I've dealt with things like this my whole life. I'll probably continue to do so."

The list goes on. We don't have all the answers to life. The answers to questions such as "Why is this happening to me?" For the brain, it is easier to generate answers that may not be ideal, but tangible. All of your trials and tribulations, all of your sadness... is it just an act of God? Our minds can't fully comprehend such ideals. But, you know what is easy? Creating reasons as to why your misfortune is being experienced. Sometimes there isn't a reason, life happens. Other times there is a reason, and someone is taking advantage of you for their own personal benefit.

Regardless of the reasons you make or those made for us, we deserve better. Just because A, B, and C has happened to us, that does not justify suffering through D, E, and F. Life can be extremely hard, but if we let our circumstances win we are literally telling ourselves that we aren't worth the fight. That we do not deserve better.

I do not care what has happened to you from the day you were born to the day you decided to read this guide, it is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are here, and you deserve to be here, comfortably. Happily. Safe and secure. So even if your family, friends, job, school, partner, etc. cannot see your worth, don't worry! Once you recognize your own worth you recognize the place that these people and things have in your life. And once you recognize the place they hold in your life, you'll be able to easily determine if this is acceptable, or you deserve better.

The biggest changes come when you refuse to put up with behaviors that harm you. How you are treated shows how others value you. How you treat yourself shows how much you value yourself. If anything, be your biggest supporter. Learn how to treat yourself right and you won't allow people to treat you wrong. It starts with you.

3. Tell Your Job NO!

Okay. This one just needs to be said. We put a ton of value in our work, and how could we not? Money drives our lives. Most of us are not rich. The majority of us work for a living. Many of us live paycheck to paycheck, especially now given the global pandemic. During this time we have probably worked harder than ever before whether it is at our jobs, or looking for work.

Although, all of this extra stress probably hasn't been easy on your mind, or your body. It's okay to tell your job you can't do something, if you really can't. This isn't to say neglect your responsibilities, no. Please folks, do your jobs. But, maybe don't overdo your jobs. They asked you to cover a shift and you don't want to? If it's optional, don't. We have to stop letting our jobs guilt us into taking on more responsibilities.

As much as our jobs tell you they appreciate you... if you were to die tomorrow, someone else would surely fulfill that position in quick time. We are very much replaceable at our workspaces. So what does this mean? Don't die for your job! If you die, chances are the company isn't going to go under with you. So don't let it put you under.

"Sorry, I really don't think I can pick up that shift."

"No, I apologize but I am actually busy that day."

Or even "No." For those that don't bother with all the niceties.

Whatever your reason for taking a breather, just take it. Work is important. Money is important. Paying bills is important. But you, you are so much more important and you deserve to feel that way this year. Open up room in your life to explore more of yourself. One easy way to do that is by not spending all of your time doing extra work tasks! Saying no does not make you an under-achiever. You are not being lazy. Maybe your body can keep up, but your mind will burn out first. So take care of it better this time around. You'll thank yourself for it.

4. Get To Know Yourself Again

Identity Crisis. Identity Crisis. Identity Crisis. Between quarantines, social distancing, break-ups, divorces, and losing friends and loved ones; People suddenly started to realize that they didn't know who they were anymore. Without all of the buffers like outings and social gatherings and that person you were with since 8th grade, we found ourselves lost.

Who am I?

What do I like?

What do I want?

What should I do?

Where should I go?

All these questions, and nobody to answer them for us. There was a time I couldn't even remember what I liked to do. I just did things out of habit. Put on that show out of habit, not because I liked it. Went to this place out of habit, not because I enjoy it there. Just habits and muscle memory. That stops this year. You are not what you do, who you associate with, or where you go. From the first memory you can recall, every day since then you lived for you. You played, made friends, enjoyed family. You discovered new things, unlocked new understandings. Through all of these different experiences you were handcrafted. A unique, one of a kind work of art that you cannot find anywhere else!

Who are you? Go find out! This year it's time to reclaim our identities. If you don't know who you are anymore, that's okay. Just like when you were a kid, it's time to go out there and live life. Just live life. Try something new, even if it's just once a month. Find a new hobby, find a new show, do things outside of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself. Spread your wings and fly!

Be positive about it. Just like a first date or a fresh new love when you are discovering that special person and you feel butterflies... Find yourself. Experience you, again. If you do not know yourself, how can somebody else get that chance to? If you cannot love yourself, how can you appreciate the love someone else has to offer? Don't be afraid, be excited. Excited to get to know yourself all over again.

5. Cry...

I mean exactly what I said. Cry. Scream. Stomp. Hit a punching bag. Go find a place where you can pay to break stuff (they really do exist, I'm not kidding). Whatever you do, however you can cope, cope. But what you cannot do, is bottle it all up. Letting it fester within you. That anger, that sadness, that misery... It is going to burst from inside of you one day and it might cost you more than you were expecting. It really is okay to cry. It's okay to reach out for help too. Therapy is out there, and it does not make you weak. It does not make you less of a man, or a woman. It makes you brave. It's brave to take a big step in changing your life for the better.

Look. I am a 25 year old African American man and growing up life taught me time and time again that I should not be crying. That's for girls. That's not manly. That's not tough. Be a man. You're really black? You aren't like the black guys I've seen on T.V. (I love you Elk Grove, CA. You just stressed me out sometimes). Fast forward to today. I'll cry for just about anything. Oh something is sad? Would you look at that, a tear dropped. Oh a happy ending on this tv show. Well, here I go! Haha, why am I so free with my emotions? Well, that's because I have anger issues.

My life has been hard. There are things I could never tell my parents, for it would break their hearts to know that some of these things happened under their watchful eye. But hey, that's life right? Well, to my brain, it wasn't so simple. I grew up mad. Ready to snap over the smallest things. Full of rage, ready to fight, wanting to fight. Self-destructive behaviors that affected friendships, and relationships. I hardly ever fought though. I'm not a violent person. But my mood was almost always negative. Confrontational. Angry.

Word of advice. Nobody wants to be around someone who is always negative. Who always brings the mood down. Who will let one bad thing ruin their whole day. It will ruin your friendships, and your partners will not want to deal with that forever. If you want to attract a better life you have to have a better attitude. Talk to people. Vent. Break something (safe and controlled environment guys). Above all else, feel. Don't let your heart harden anymore than it may already have. Don't forget to feel. Feel through the pain.

You don't workout and expect not to feel sore, even just a little. The soreness is healing. Let those wounds heal. It's not opening up old wounds if they never closed. Feel. Heal. Free yourself, even if it's one tear at a time.

While these may seem like simple steps, they will go a long way in bettering your life this year. You must always remember to never give up. Some days are going to be harder than others. Sometimes, you may just want throw in the towel. You owe it to yourself to keep on pushing. Keep on going. Show yourself that you are worth the fight!

We Can do this! I want nothing more but to see you succeed this year. Today, let's begin anew.