25? Now What?

2018 was the worst year of my life. I started the year off with knee surgery. I then started my practicum student teaching working with a wonderful band director, but my advisor/professor had no faith in my abilities. She ultimately set me up for failure and watched me fail rather than help me. I had just been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and PTSD and put on new medications. My diabetic dog then had a seizure and died in my arms while I was home alone (the rest of my family had been out of town). On my last day of my practicum, I was rear ended at a stoplight and the driver left the scene. I was being taken advantage of at work, because I never say "no".The icing on the cake was my boyfriend of five years "breaking up" with me at my Christmas Party that happened on 12/29. I say "breaking up" with me because it seemed pretty clear to me, but he supposedly was not on the same page and asked to spend New Years Eve with me.

I decided to start 2019 off fresh. I was going to make it my year! My goal was to take care of myself, make some money, student teach, graduate, travel, and overall do things that made me happy. I did exactly that and it was incredible. I adopted a dog from a friend, I saw my favorite musicians in concert and followed them around the country, went to DragonCon like I always wanted to, student taught, graduated, and finally earned my name in my field. I was mentally in a good place, I finally got closer from my breakup (in the middle of the summer), I proved myself to my colleagues, and I finally felt confident. My goal was to take this to the next level in 2020.

As we all know 2020 did not go the way anyone had planned. I had tickets to concerts, I was going to find a teaching job, I was going to travel, and I was going to finally leave the nest. I can't say that 2020 was completely a flop, because it truly wasn't. I started off strong until the shutdown. Once the world shut down, I was back leaning on my toxic job since the schools weren't needing substitutes. I was being taken advantage of because our AGM walked out at the beginning of the pandemic, so I was acting AGM without the pay for the rest of 2020. When August came along, I received a phone call that changed everything. A high school band director in my home district resigned, school started in 4 days, and my name was brought up by many colleagues. That being said, I did get to spend 3 months being a high school band director (even though it was virtual). I told myself I was never going back to that toxic job and I even moved out and got an apartment with my best friend for 2021.

I hope to make 2021 worth it. I want to make 2021 something that I am proud of. I hope to try new things, visit new places, and search for my next big project. I want to get back in a mental and physical state that I happy with. I want to get back to the energy that I had before the pandemic hit. I want 2021 to be the year where I really find myself. I'm turning 26 for goodness sake. I can hope to hit the jackpot, or win the lottery, or find my dream job, but none of those things are definite. I need to wish for something that is achievable and that I can set goals toward for myself, so I believe this is the most obtainable goal that I can set for 2021.