Feeling that “the more your partner looks at you, the less you see,” may not be a lack of love, but you ignore the crisis!【4】

04

Breaking the Silence and Being a “Chatterbox” Couple

Many couples in this state, can not help but confused: “This day can still live?” Of course. Most families do not have principle problems, as long as couples are willing to make some changes, the dead air of the marriage still have a chance to live:

1. Clean up old scores. Review the past conflict card points, one by one dredge each other care or dissatisfaction points, after reaching an agreement, no longer entangled in the past, just work together to solve the problem.

2, understand each other's motives. Have a good chat with each other, exchange their own growth trauma and fear, you will find TA “lost words” behind the motivation, but also be able to better tolerate and accept each other. Because TA may just reproduce the pattern of the family of origin, and do not necessarily know what problems they do.

3. Seek the most suitable communication style for each other.

Let go of judgment, be honest and describe your own feelings and needs, and pay attention to the other person's feelings and needs. Practice “what you really want to say” and then crystallize your expectations.

For example, replace the expression, “I'm home late again.” with “I wish we could spend more time together, and I'm worried about your health.” Or: “I wish you cared more about the family, the child prefers his father to play with him.”

In addition, it is also important to find the right time to chat, you can go home and do your own thing, and then take a little time to talk about what's on your mind before you go to bed.

4, and each other role swap, think differently.

The meaning is that couples swap roles, such as the husband assumed that he is the wife, put forward the wife's most concerned about the problem: “Why every time and you talk to no reaction?” The wife answered with the husband's thinking, “Since how to respond are you scolded, it is better not to say, play the game and brush the video by yourself, slowly you will subside, so as not to quarrel.”

The purpose of role swapping is to understand each other's true thoughts better.

5, co-create new experiences to break the boredom. For partners without obvious conflicts, you can consciously go together to create new experiences, such as climbing a mountain together that you have not climbed, traveling together to a place you have not been to, and researching a new dish together ...... Nourish each other better by tapping into the feelings and interests behind each other through new topics and experiences.

05 Write at the end

Going from having nothing to say to having nothing to say may be the way to go in an intimate relationship.

But please believe that you are just now encountered a stuck point, as long as you try to dredge it, integrate it, will eventually arrive at a deeper level of intimacy stage.

Of course, the most comfortable relationships are the ones where you can talk “crap” together.

Roland Miller, a professor of psychology, said in his book “Intimacy”: “The most important thing in intimacy is not appearance, not bread, not giving, but sharing.”

Maybe none of us can fully understand someone, but the most important thing is to have a heart that understands the other person.

After all, having a lover who is willing to understand you is much more effective than any medicine in the world.

In closing, I wish you the best of luck in finding such a lover, and may you become such a lover. The world and I love you.