I've been watching Love is Blind. Your girl here loves the drama, and honestly, to see if anyone makes it. I started thinking about marriage and how, in this experiment, you get engaged sight unseen. These involved people have around 6ish weeks to get to the altar and finally say, “I do.” One of the show's challenges is to live together for about four weeks. It was during this time the contestants figured out compatibility. This brings me to what I wanted to discuss before marriage. The conversations that seem to be lacking for quite a few couples, before they get to the best days of their lives. I was lucky, I had a trial-and-error marriage where I learned how I wanted to handle the next one.
My second (and final!) husband and I went through a mini premarital counseling (an app called Lasting, I recommend) and it helps you think of things you wouldn't otherwise have until it was a fight. This app walked through money goals, housework expectations, and even sex expectations. We started doing “weekly” check-ins, where we discussed things ahead of time. We moved away from weekly check-ins, and now do monthly check-ins on our date nights: where we touch base on our emotional connection, and make sure we are living up to the promises I made to each other.
So I recommend before marriage you talk about the following things;
How is housework going to be divided? Personally, my husband is not as immaculate with cleaning as me. Therefore I told him I would be in charge of cleaning, laundry and dishes. As long as he took more of the financal burden. I cook our dinners, and plan our weeks for food. I do the laundry (turns out this last check-in he needs the laundry done more, oops).
How will bills be divided? My husband and I divided the bills 60/40. We share the rent and all our groceries and bills go on one card we both have access to. We still have separate bank accounts and have talked about a joint account tfor savings.
When we have arguments, who is allowed to add their commentary to our lives? This was a hard one for me, I love asking my friends for advice. However, as my therapist said, a relationship is a house, and people can look into the house but they can't come in. So we made a promise to each other to make sure we talk to each other and not look for outside sources. Now occasionally, after have finished a discussion I have talked to people after the fact and they offer new insights; which I have found helpful. But for the most part, we talk just to each other. I'm very lucky to have a man who listens to me and even when I'm acting crazy he tries to see my viewpoint. He makes me feel heard and seen. I'm more emotional than him in general, but he handles it so well.
What is the timeline for big life events? When we got married, I had my kid from my previous marriage so we talked about his role as step-dad and what we wanted to do in regards to having another kid. We decided to wait two years to give us time as a newly married couple and have time with my kiddo (now our kiddo!)
This is not a comprehensive list but is a good jumping off point. I love being married, he is my best friend and we remember that first. I plan on writing more about the subject of tough conversations so stay tuned!
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Jazzy
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Head of the Jazzy Writers Association (JWA) in partnership with the Vocal HWA chapter.
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Marriage 2.0: How Couples Are Rewriting Love in 2026
Marriage in 2026 no longer looks like it did a decade ago. The institution hasn’t disappeared, but it has evolved quietly, deeply, and intentionally. Today’s couples are not abandoning marriage; they are upgrading it. Welcome to Marriage 2.0, where love is no longer defined by roles, control, or silent sacrifice, but by awareness, partnership, and emotional maturity.
By Sathish Kumar 2 days ago in Marriage
Comments (16)
I am not married, but I'm in a 7 year long relationship with my best friend, someone I've known for over a decade. We both have a lot of issues cleaning and taking care of things because of our ADHD, so we have to come up with a plan weekly about who is going to do what. Depending on external factors and our mental states at any given time, sometimes it's 50/50 some times it's 80/20, sometimes it's 60/40. We communicate what we are able to do and we try to push each other with friendly competition on cleaning days to get the most we can get done. Our finances are completely separate. He pays the mortgage and his own bills, I pay the utilities and my own bills. He technically pays more towards household things with the mortgage as our utilities are a fraction of that, however, it's because I have the burden of student loans, so I am paying more monthly between those and utilities. We are both very similar people who value our alone time, so we have our own spaces in the house where we enjoy hanging out. We do however spend a lot of nights watching movies together and hanging out together when our social batteries allow for it. It's definitely not "typical" but it works for us. We know each other very well, we know when we need space, we know what pushes our buttons, and we work around these things when need be. I enjoyed reading your perspective on marriage as it's much different than mine. We actually don't intend on ever getting married, we feel content in the relationship we have now
These are brilliant thoughts Jazzy! Thank you for these. I really agree that check-ins are essential for emotional wellbeing.
Wow Jazzy, this is so damn good. As a divorced woman I can say how accurate this is, because I learned the hard way. It seems like you integrated all the lessons you learned from your first marriage to have the marriage you truly wanted on a second try. I love that for you, and I’m inspired by it. Deep conversations before and during marriage are the most important thing. Conversations build intimacy more than sex ever could. Conversations maintain intimacy too, so people don’t grow apart. The pre-marriage counseling, and the dating check-ins, are essential.
What a beautiful couple u guys are!!
Wow! Good plan. Much better than, "Hey, you're sort of kinky and so am I, let's get married." Now, 38 years later I'm thinking of using that app to see if we're compatible.
I didn't know such an app existed, but if it's useful, better this way! Certainly building a life together is not just a matter of romance! Daily life, organization and planning for the future are essential! Best wishes!
That app seems like a lifesaver! Coupled often don't discuss the most important things before marriage. Also, I agree that it's always the best to talk to each other when there is a fight or an argument rather than friends or family. We may never know who is secretly waiting for us to break up and who genuinely cares for us. I'm so happy that you're happily married. Your daugter is so adorable!
Jazzy, the app sounds to good to be true!!! A man that listens that's awesome!!! Your man squeeze is a keeper!!!💕❤️❤️
This made my day, I love everything about this article! 🙌🏾❤️
Hearted and subscribed. ♥️
I LOVE this story Jazzy! It’s so real… so human… and so relatable. It tells us as readers who you are. That’s vulnerable, and you wrote about it openly. That makes me like you more as a person and as a writer.
This made me think a bit harder about my current standing with my partner. Would I say we have a healthy relationship? Absolutely. But, can I also admit that there is some work to be done and some wrinkles to iron out? Yes.
Such an interesting read and an important prompt.. these are all important questions! ✨
Yes!!! Allllllll of these conversations are critically important ❤️❤️. Differences in even “little” things add up quickly over time!
I’ve not heard of that app and it sounds interesting. Reading about how people blend their lives, paying the bills, domestic chores has always been fascinating. I’ve watched that show and it’s sensationalized, there’s no way I could start a relationship like that. I need to feel some spark, feed off that chemistry. Then take it to a deeper level. You’ve got a darling family - loved the photo.
This makes a lot of sense. Quite insightful!