The Journey to Self-Love

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that self-love is not a switch you can flip. It’s a journey—a long, winding road full of bumps, detours, and the occasional moment of clarity.

I used to think self-love was just a buzzword thrown around by influencers and motivational speakers. Something people talked about but never really practiced. I didn’t believe it could actually change anything, let alone change me. But then, life has a way of proving you wrong.

Let me be honest—there was a time when I couldn’t stand myself. I’m talking about that deep, gut-wrenching kind of loathing. The kind where you avoid mirrors and drown out your inner voice with distractions because you can’t bear to hear your own thoughts. And it wasn’t just one thing that led me there—it was a series of small failures, regrets, and mistakes that stacked up over the years.

Social media didn’t help, either. Every day, I’d scroll through Instagram and see perfect people living perfect lives. Their vacations, their bodies, their homes—they all seemed light years ahead of where I was. It was impossible not to compare. Every post was a reminder that I wasn’t enough. And the more I compared myself to others, the more I fell into the trap of thinking I’d never measure up.

Then one day, something shifted. It wasn’t a grand epiphany or some life-altering event—it was a quiet moment of reflection. I was scrolling through my phone, lost in that familiar spiral of envy and self-doubt, when I came across a quote from the philosopher Marcus Aurelius. He said:

“It never ceases to amaze me, we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”

It hit me like a punch to the gut.

How many times had I shaped my actions, thoughts, and feelings around what others might think of me? How often had I given away my power, letting other people’s opinions dictate my worth? And for what? Validation from people who didn’t even know the real me?

It was a wake-up call, and I knew something had to change.

I started small. I began with my mornings, swapping the mindless scroll for a few minutes of mindfulness. I would sit with my coffee, in silence, and just breathe. I would remind myself that my worth wasn’t determined by the number of likes on a post or the opinions of strangers. I learned to forgive myself for past mistakes, to look at myself through kinder eyes.

The hardest part? Rewiring that internal dialogue. Years of negative self-talk had left deep scars, and it wasn’t easy to reverse them. But slowly, I started to ask myself: Would I say these things to my best friend?

Of course not.

If my best friend came to me, struggling with the same doubts and insecurities, I would lift her up. I would remind her of her strength, her kindness, and her unique qualities. I would never tear her down the way I did to myself. So, why wasn’t I showing myself the same love?

It wasn’t just about talking the talk, though. I had to walk it, too. That meant setting boundaries, saying no to things that drained me, and investing time in things that brought me joy—whether that was taking long walks in the park, reading a good book, or volunteering at a local shelter. These small acts of self-care were like deposits in the bank of self-love, and slowly but surely, I started to see my balance grow.

I’ll be the first to admit, the journey wasn’t linear. There were setbacks. There were days when I slipped back into old habits, where the self-doubt crept in like an unwanted guest. But each time, I reminded myself that healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

One of the most powerful lessons I learned along the way was that self-love isn’t something you earn through accomplishments or the approval of others. It’s something that grows from within. The more I worked on aligning my actions with my values, the more my opinion of myself improved. I didn’t need the world’s validation—I just needed my own.

It wasn’t just about feeling better—it was about being better. I started showing up for myself in ways I hadn’t before. I stopped apologizing for taking up space, for having needs and wants. I forgave myself for the things I couldn’t change and focused on what I could.

And you know what? The world didn’t crumble. In fact, the more I embraced who I was, flaws and all, the more my world opened up. I stopped seeking love from external sources and started cultivating it within.

One day, a friend from my past reached out. He’d been struggling, going through his own battles with self-worth, and asked how I managed to turn things around. I told him the truth—it wasn’t about finding love or approval from others. It was about realizing that everything we need is already inside us.

“You can’t depend on others for love or forgiveness,” I told him, echoing the lesson a mentor once shared with me. “You have to forgive yourself. You have to love yourself, even when it feels impossible.”

And that’s the truth. In the end, the love you give yourself is the love that will sustain you. It’s the love that will see you through the hardest times, when everyone else’s opinions fade away and you’re left alone with your thoughts. And in those moments, you’ll realize that self-love isn’t a destination—it’s a lifelong practice.