Welcome to Healthline Fitness: A Letter from the Editor

Fitness isn’t about what you can lose. It’s about what you can gain.

Six weeks after the birth of my second child, I had a moment of reckoning that forever changed what I appreciate about exercise.

I sat in my OB-GYN’s waiting room, staring at the fluorescent green intake form on the clipboard in my lap. I tried to read the page through teary eyes as my baby slept quietly in her car seat next to me.

Do you often feel anxious, angry, or sad for no good reason?

Are you able to look forward to tomorrow?

Have you ever had thoughts of harm coming to yourself or your baby?

My first instinct was to lie. But behind the constant clamoring of anxious thoughts, I heard a small, quiet voice in my head: Be honest, it said.

Until that moment, I was unable to admit what I knew in my heart to be true: I was struggling with postpartum depression.

They called my name, and I walked into the clinic. When my doctor walked into the room, she asked, “So how are you doing?”

Before I could respond, the floodgates burst. The sea of anxiety that had swallowed me for weeks flooded the room, and I sobbed uncontrollably.

My doctor looked me in the eye and calmly leveled with me. She said, “I think you may have postpartum depression. How do you feel about beginning some medication?”

I knew I needed to seek treatment, but I wanted to start with my tried-and-true saving grace: movement.

Movement is medicine

Now, don’t get me wrong. Postpartum depression is a very serious diagnosis, and in some cases, medication is the best course of treatment, hands down. I knew that. But I also knew physical activity could only help jump-start my recovery.

I hadn’t yet been given medical approval to resume exercise, and as a Pilates instructor, dancer, and outdoor adventurer, movement had always been my preferred form of stress relief. Getting cleared to exercise was key to my mental health. For the first time, I realized it wasn’t just my body that was craving movement; it was my brain, too.

I answered her, “What about exercise? Can I move yet? Can I hike, run, anything?”

My doctor took out her prescription pad and started writing. “Exercise, 30 minutes every day,” she wrote. She ripped the script off the pad and handed it to me.

“Let’s try it,” she said. “But I’m going to call you to check in. If it’s not enough, we’ll try the medication.”

The next day, I laced up my hiking boots, put the dog on a leash, strapped my baby into a carrier, and headed out into the freshly fallen snow for a hike. Every step felt therapeutic. Finally, I was moving my body again, breathing fresh air. The rogue thoughts that rattled in my brain started falling in line with the rhythm of my steps.

With each and every step, my mind quieted, focusing more on the way my body felt in that present moment than on the fear that kept me awake at night. My body was still healing, and I moved slowly, intentionally. I felt my muscles wake up. I wasn’t anywhere near my peak physical condition, but it didn’t matter.

I was moving, and that was enough.

I wasn’t thinking about “losing baby weight” or pushing myself to achieve. I was only thinking about clearing my head, one step at a time.

Slowly, steadily I walked up that hill, and I knew it was the beginning of my recovery.

Move toward joy

At the time, I had no idea that this experience would be so impactful. Looking back, I know that for the first time, I was embarking on a fitness journey motivated by what I knew I would gain — a better outlook, a better mood, and better sleep — instead of what I thought I had to lose.

All too often, we start working out because we don’t like something about ourselves. Too often, we begin exercising with the voice of an inner critic in our head, telling us we aren’t enough in some way — not strong enough, not thin enough, not motivated enough. We feel like we’ll be more if we lose.

Yet, starting a fitness journey to appease that inner critic, rather than quiet it, usually results in frustration, disappointment, and failed commitments. We beat ourselves up mentally and physically, working against our bodies, trying to get them to conform to a standard of someone else’s design. Inevitably, it makes the journey that much harder.

Instead, what I found was that I was better able to see all that exercise could offer me when I started in a place of acceptance.

A successful fitness journey requires meeting yourself exactly where you are now, leaning into how you feel instead of how you look. From that perspective, you’ll be able to reap the benefits of working with your body instead of against it.

Soon, and sometimes without realizing it, you’ll come to appreciate all that you’re capable of, even when you’re just getting started.