The Power of Fear and the Journey to Self-Rediscovery

It was 2:45 PM on a rainy Friday in Los Angeles. My dad was brewing coffee in the kitchen when he answered a call from an unknown number. He froze as he heard a woman violently crying and screaming on the other end. Then, a strong masculine voice said, "We have your daughter, and if you don't listen to every word we say, we're going to kill her." My dad paused, lost his breath for a moment, and asked, "Can I talk to her?" The kidnappers taunted him, "Do you want us to break her arm?"

I am one of two daughters, and just six months before this call, we took my big sister off life support. My dad, still grieving, had told me, "Now I only have one daughter left." In fear, he gave his power away and desperately said, "This is my only daughter; I'll do whatever you want." The kidnappers asked if he was alone. He locked eyes with my mom across the kitchen, signaled her to stay quiet, and said, "Yes, I'm alone," while writing a note for her to call 911 quietly.

My mom hurried outside, trembling, and managed to call 911. Meanwhile, my dad was commanded to get in his car, go to the bank, and pay a ransom, keeping the kidnappers on the phone. They threatened to send her body parts in the mail if he didn't cooperate. My mom informed the police to meet her at the bank and tiptoed to the car.

As all this unfolded, I was in my Beverly Hills office, conducting a podcast interview. I saw my phone light up with missed calls and a message that said, "This is the police. I'm with your family. Please call." I worked in counter-terrorism at the Pentagon in my early 20s, so my imagination ran wild with fear. I mustered the courage to call back. Officer Johnson asked, "Is this Ashley?" When I confirmed, he yelled to my dad in the bank, "Mr. Stahl, hang up the phone! She's on the line; it's a scam!"

I heard commotion and then my dad's fragile voice asked, "Is it you?" I reassured him, "Yeah, it's me." For the first time, I heard my dad break down and sob, more than he ever had during any crisis in our lives. He kept asking if it was really me, and I had to prove it by reminding him of shared memories. He finally asked, "Can you please just come home?"

I rushed home, and when I walked in, my dad hugged me tightly. I realized then that parents aren't superhumans; they're just people doing their best. My dad walked me through the call, and I couldn't believe that for two hours he lived a terrifying reality while I was unaware. I wondered how my smart dad was so easily duped. He admitted he didn't think there was another option, consumed by fear.

That night, I was sad and angry, seeing my dad so traumatized and wondering how someone could do this. Then, unexpectedly, I felt compassion for the kidnappers. Why would someone choose such a path? Maybe they didn't think they had a better option, or maybe they were taught this was the way to survive and meet their needs.

Reflecting, I realized we often kidnap ourselves from the lives we want, choosing paths out of fear to survive. I wrote in my journal, "I'm my own kidnapper," listing ways I'd silenced my truth and taken soul-crushing journeys. Many of us choose careers or majors we don't want because we think it's necessary to survive. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Ask yourself, "Where am I kidnapping myself from the life I really want?" When we go into fear, we give away our power and disconnect from who we are. As a career coach, I've learned three steps to make a "you-turn" back to yourself:

1. Self Audit: Be honest about where you are, what's working, and what isn't. Our natural state is love and creativity, but over time, fear teaches us to stop taking risks. Identify where you're holding yourself captive.

2. Follow Your Freedom: Pay attention to what feels good. Connect to your body and trust its messages. Keep a "joy journal" for 30 days to track moments that light you up and look for patterns.

3. Engage: Take action. Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. Pick something that feels good, show up, and course-correct along the way.

Reflecting on the fake kidnapping, I see how my dad's fear made him give away his power. Yet, it also reminded me of the importance of compassion and learning from experiences. We all have the opportunity to free ourselves by connecting to our truth, joy, and taking action. Make your you-turn and come home to yourself. Thank you.