My Inner Garden...

My entire life I have always viewed “A Fresh Start” as a grandiose and whimsical moment where all of my problems would melt away and I would magically be gifted with the courage to begin fulfilling all of my hearts desires.

It had always been a projection into my future starting – tomorrow, next week, next year. Even at times where I was able to muster up the strength and ability to identify and begin taking action towards a resolution, more often than not it would fall by the way side shortly after I had begun.

Somewhere amidst the chaos and beauty that unfolded both individually and collectively throughout 2020, I found myself in a heap on my bedroom floor sobbing uncontrollably. After 10 years of suffering from waves of depression and anxiety I was finally fed up. I found myself praying… for a fresh start.

Around the same time, I had an urge to start a vegetable garden in my backyard. I had no idea why this desire was so strong nor did I have the awareness or experience on how I would actually go about it yet I decided to just start.

Funnily enough, through the process of creating this vegetable garden I began to see and experience the synchronicities between starting fresh and this new project of mine.

In the past I would simply daydream of the kind of person I wanted to be, what I wanted to achieve, how I wanted to feel and then identifying goals that were associated with this vision. I would then proceed to write them down and try to figure out the most logical way to take action. While many of these steps are still somewhat relevant, the way in which I approached it this time looked a little different.

STEP 1: RESEARCH & EXPLORE

I had no idea how to create this garden, the necessary tools, resources or the steps involved. So, I purchased a book “Organic Vegetable Garden by Annette McFarlane” and dug into Google to help me find some clarity.

I realised that while I had achieved many things in my life and often practiced goal setting clearly, I was missing something. So, this step was relevant here too and I began seeking stories, people, tools, information and resources that would give me more insight into how to start fresh, how to actually achieve the things we set out to do, break old habits, you name it!

STEP 2: WEEDING

Where I wanted to create the vegetable garden, one had previously been yet it was totally overgrown. There was no space to even begin thinking about planting any new seeds let alone actually doing it. I used this as an opportunity to take inventory - what weeds were growing and how would I go about not only getting rid of these at the root level but furthermore having a process in place to mitigate them from coming back.

Weeds were showing up in my life left, right & centre too. They came in the form of poor habits, limiting beliefs & behaviours, a job that didn’t light me up and even relationships which no longer served me. While it was certainly overwhelming to take a look at all of these things let alone identify how I would tackle them at the root level.

I had now understood how vital this step was, one which I had always skipped. I want to note that this step truly took months to carry out and is one that I tend to weekly yet I can now say that through practices such as meditation, shadow & inner-child work and a range of sub-conscious re-programming tools I have been able to consistently clear space to allow room for new seeds to be planted and old seeds to sprout.

STEP 3: FERTILE SOIL

Apparently after weeding you can’t just go ahead and throw in a seed and trust that it will grow… While this may work it is imperative that you test the fertility of the soil and ensure that the right minerals and nutrients are available so that what you plant will be nourished. In other words, the foundation must be strong in order for anything to grow.

I caught myself one week testing the PH levels in the soil and leaning upon the wisdom of the wisdom of the horticulturalist to give me what the soil was needing.

The next week I found myself at the Naturopath testing my body’s PH levels amongst other things. Turns out I had severe adrenal fatigue and three stomach viruses which were undoubtedly playing into not only my physical health but also my mental & emotional. Similarly, through professional guidance and support I was slowly able to get healthy and into a position where my mind and body was able to nourish itself and whatever I chose to plant!

STEP 4: PLANNING

As my book suggested I begun sketching out what I was going to plant in my garden - taking into consideration what I loved, what I wanted more of as well as what was able to grow all year round versus what was seasonal.

So, too I started to map out what I wanted in my life.

My list included things such as:

YEAR ROUND - Meditation , moving my body, journaling, yoga , gratitude, doing things that light me up: picnics, adventure, studying, listening to podcasts, reading more books, going Zero Waste, eating Organic , shopping sustainable and vintage clothes and other items.

SEASONAL - surfing, painting, running, writing poetry.

The realisation that some things are seasonal was a game changer for me.

For years I had beaten myself up for beginning something that would eventually die off but building trust that things have the ability to circle back into your life in seasons was such a relief.

STEP 5: PLANTING SEEDS

This phase bought me so much joy. Being able to consciously choose what I would plant both in my garden and in my life, knowing that someday soon I would be able to harvest them.

I started small, planting out only a small area that I knew I was capable of tending to a couple of herbs and some tomatoes then I built on it as time went on.

I adopted the same approach to my life. I identified two things that I wanted to incorporate into my regular routine – meditation and journaling. As each of these became more regular and consistent practices in my life I slowly and consciously adopted something new while still tending to what was there.

STEP 6: TENDING TO THE GARDEN & HARVESTING

In the beginning tending to the garden almost daily is a must in order to give the seeds and sprouts the nourishment and care that they need in order to thrive. Overtime, once they are established they require less of your attention and before you know it you will be able to harvest them.

There are many studies which suggest that speaking kindly and words of affirmation to plants helps them to grow – be sure to take this on board too.

I chose to approach each of my new habits, goals and resolutions in the same way.

I realise now that “A Fresh Start” is simply a moment in time when you not only consciously choose to "clear the slate". But more importantly when you commit wholeheartedly to do everything in your power to create the necessary changes (inclusive of doing the dirty work of weeding) to ensure you are not constantly seeking to start over.

It requires a heck of a lot of time, energy, effort and work. It is not something that miraculously comes about and it is certainly not something you need to wait for or project into your future.

For 2021, I will not be beginning with a fresh start however I will be setting the resolution to continue tending to my inner garden. Through this process I know now that when I set a goal, intention, resolution – when I plant a seed, that in time, it will grow.