Who am I?

For someone born in an age in which everyone is focused on “Finding themselves” I haven't really come across one single version of myself but several variations and it leaves me with questions. Like does the fact that I behave differently among a certain group of friends indicate I’m fake? Or that I find the concept of finding oneself is complete lunacy. I’m a firm believer that we learn something new about ourselves every day if not every day then every other day and this process does not happen in a year or two but it takes a lifetime.

Similarly, I also believe that my life's purpose changes through time. For instance, when I was younger, I aspired to be "the bestest daughter my father ever had" in those exact words. I certainly didn't care about grammar at the time. While this goal is still relevant, it has changed; now, in addition to being a good daughter, I also want to be a decent Muslim and human, someone who not only is active in the community but also has a positive impact on it. But if someone were to ask me what I work for every day, what I use as motivation, what would I say? I’d say financial and social independence. As Shakespeare famously stated, "Hell is empty and all the devils are here," it is well known that neither the world nor its inhabitants are fair. I, for one, completely agree and would not put my survival in the hands of another person. I would depend on myself and hold myself responsible instead. I would rather take part in a discussion than sit pretty and wait for Prince Charming to save her and if Prince Charming flew off to who knows where I would rather not be the one who has to wait for her father to tidy up after her mess. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being dependent on your father it’s not knowing what to do without him that bugs me.

Regarding what matters to me, I've discovered that relationships—whether they be friendships or connections with my parents, siblings, or other loved ones—are vital to me. I cherish the emotional bond that unites two individuals and the sensation of affinity with another person. I place a lot of value on the ability, to be honest and try, among other things. I acknowledge that occasionally things don't go as planned, but I admire the willingness to try. The notion that all mankind can do is strive and that the rest is in God's (metaphorical) hands has been drilled into me since I was a little child. I hear these words from my father quite often: "Insaan koshish hi kar sakhta hai baki ti sab Allah kay hath mein hai or Rab kabhi mehnat zaya nahi janay dayta." You've certainly observed by this point that religion plays a significant role in my life. Unlike other parents, who try to instill a fear of God in their children, I was introduced to God as a loving force. As a result, I began to view Him as a confidant and friend rather than as someone who would damn me to hell if I didn't listen.

Another question I've been asked since I was little is, "Baray ho kar kya bana hai?" Every year when someone asks, I give a different response. I initially responded, “Astronaut," but later, I tried a more grounded response, “Good human being," to make it more plausible. I even went through a phase where I dreamt of being a writer and I swore to myself that I’d publish my first bestseller by the age of 16. Unfortunately, it did not work out, to which my family introduced me to the gem that is business and I discovered several professions that revolved around this industry. Do I know what I want to be in my life? Absolutely not but for now all I want to be is a good human. :) As for what I want to do in my life, I want to be at a stable point emotionally, and financially and eventually get married and start a family.

I strive to instill in myself qualities that I appreciate in other people, such as the desire to keep learning despite any significant fear of failing because the will of the individual is stronger than the fear or how people simply let things go in order to move on “let bygones be bygones”. However, there are other traits I notice in some individuals that I try to avoid. For example, when I watch news channels or even converse with some people, they openly disdain other people's viewpoints simply because they think theirs are superior to others. I understand that some people blindly adhere to certain views and refuse to see reason, which is aggravating (at least for me), but I've found it's better to avoid talking to them about it.

After reading this article, I can see you going over each paragraph and looking for the underlined trauma or the sob story, if you will. You might be surprised to learn that this is really my favorite part—seeing how similar the lessons I learned are to someone else’s and realizing that my story—or rather, a set of events, good and bad —made me the person I am today. These events shaped my personality and molded it into the best form of me I can be today, don’t get me wrong I wish I could have learned the lessons I learned in a less painful way but God has his way and they are effective. One of the lessons I learned was regarding friendships, you see in my innocent, naive adolescent brain, I thought I had to pay a friendship tax that was similar to the American dream tax. I had to do something for person A in order to keep them as a friend, whether it was changing my personality to meet their needs, bribing them with money, etc, etc.- anything to keep them around. I remember this set of events left me heartbroken 13-17 year old me was devastated so my father said to me "Friends are one of the few relationships you chose so you have to be careful." Nothing very profound but it did have the desired effect.

So I guess that is it and you get the gist of who I am.