Vacillating No More… Or Will I?
A life of choices
Dear Brain (or whatever may be in my head),
We both know what this is about. Ever since I was an ugly little thing which passed off as a human child or possibly Cthulhu’s long-lost cousin, I've always had difficulty in making choices. I can't make the quick decisions like everyone else; you know, like normal people can. It’s a battle to decide on one thing or the other, be it something inconsequential or something serious with disastrous outcomes.
So, here it is. My time to say "No more" to the nonsense which keeps obstructing simple life. No more to the ridiculous and annoying part of me. Imagine the level of annoyance a T. rex must feel when it tries to pick up a glass of water and drink it using its tiny arms (or when they tried to… I don’t remember seeing any T. rexes around lately). That’s the level annoyance I get every time I’m put in a situation where I have to make a choice.
I know what the biggest cause is: it comes from avoiding regret. At least, that’s one of the major factors. You really can’t handle regrets, can you, Brain? The few times where I have made a quick decision, I’ve regretted it. Every time. Regrets are lot like a fire in the mind: they just keep burning and burning. It’s a shame even minor things can add to the conflagration. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to try and stem the number of regrets, but I also don’t think it’s great to dawdle in fear of making them. And so comes the question: is it better to be a creature of fear, or a creature of regret? Another choice; another struggle. This is just one of the things I need to consider upon my resignation.
Thankfully, I'm just a puny little mortal (for now), so if this resignation fails to stick, I'll at least have some form of renunciation at the end. Unless upon my demise – as gruesome and as painful as I predict it will be atop that sacrificial alter – I am given a choice: turn into a ghost or become a zombie... What would I do then? How is my chicken nugget of a brain (sorry Brain) supposed to choose when the choice will be eternal?! As a ghost, I'd have freedom to roam. No more wall-trouble for me and my floaty form ("ooOOOooo" goes the Euan ghost). And I'd haunt people... just for a bit for fun.
But as a zombie, I could start an apocalypse by biting people, which sounds too cool to pass up. I could also have an easy diet of brains without anyone thinking I'm weird. I know I am weird, which is why it’s so hard to decide! Gah, why is it so hard? By the time I made my choice, the Earth would have ended. And what if there's a third option. A vampire? Being a bat and saying "bleh bleh-bleh" sounds like a great night out.
Herein lies the second cause of my vacillation: overthinking. I think about everything before choosing – what about this? What about that? Would this dialogue be good? What would happen if I did this? – and that's why I struggle so much. Some people who know of my peculiar bipedal existence have dubbed me "Captain Indecisive" on several occasions. My family know full well not to give me a choice, but my brothers do it anyway (I guess for the hilarity of watching their poor, younger, favourite sibling struggle… yeah, very funny, dickbags).
Now, here's another philosophical question to go with the third and final conundrum of this resignation: should I really resign from a part of me that has lasted my whole life, probably the biggest part of what makes up my character? Or leave it and keep being me? Decisions, decisions, decisions. I don’t really have any other defining features, at least none I can pick off a shelf and say “Hey, this is me!” Removing my indecisiveness would certainly leave a huge space… What the heck would I fill it with?
The joy of choice once again. Mm-hm. No sarcasm here. Definitely. If only I could be more flippant on the often-frivolous ramifications from my own actions. I detest myself sometimes, particularly you, Brain (and partly my Lovecraftian looks). I would have to hope that ditching this large part of my personality will make way for something different, something new, something better. Perhaps the trait of ‘competence’ will fill the void. Oh, what joy that would be!
So, here I am. Back to the start of my resignation, scared of what will happen… But it will be okay. I have, of course, chosen to go ahead with it because the burden is too cumbersome for me to hold up with my non-existent and stereotypically nerd-like muscles. I resign from my constant vacillating. I resign from the nonsense. I resign from the part of me that has always been a huge problem. This is something I must do to improve myself. If I hesitate upon a choice from here on, I'll pick option ‘B’ and let the future roll forth with whatever tortuous plans it has for me. If one option puts me in a frying pan, the other one may well have put me in a blender. And I don’t want to be smooshed into a blender.
Anyway, Brain, I hope I can have faith in you to stick with this choice.
With decisive regards
Euan (formerly “Captain Indecisive”)
About the Creator
Euan Brennan
UK-based. Reader, writer, gamer, idiot. I love creating stories. Working on some long fiction.
Taking a little break from Vocal~
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Comments (28)
Great Top Story! I had to look up “Cthulhu’s”.😊If you bear a strong physical resemblance, you are assured of being unforgettable!🤣Trust you’re winning the battle against Vacillation. I could learn a trick or two in that department.🤣
My phone was lagging said I wasn't subscribed when I thought I was I go to subscribe it says unsubscribed lol so I just subscribed again this is my life, lol anyway I made a new poem hope you like it 💖💖
I think you were onto something with the whole "are we the same person". That or our quirks/weirdness is just trying to outmatch each other.
haha so strange i love it, youre so quirky and weird in the best way possible!! the only way to be, more people like this plz and fascinating read love it check out my new one plz!!
I enjoyed this work so much! Refining our characters is a lifelong process. Be gentle with yourself while you look over the pieces. There is no rule that says you can’t pivot or adjust as needed. I suspect we have similar traits from the style of both of our writing - if you were speaking to me while I went through the process you’re going through, use that kind and encouraging voice to speak to yourself. You deserve the same kindness you show so readily to others
Great job 👏 And congratulations
Euan, you had me laughing throughout your piece. Really great stuff! And congrats on the top story. Well deserved. :) "Lovecraftian looks" was hilarious - I might have to create a character in the future based on that phrase. Although I must say I missed seeing any tentacles in your profile pic, LOL.
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
It’s so great to see you make Top Story, Euan!! I absolutely loved this, it was so funny and witty and so very you while also being really meaningful and honest to its core. Awesome work!
Nice
I'm an overthinker but not particularly indecisive. I can understand how it feels though, the struggle to make a decision. Well, I hope your resignation is accepted and competence steps up. Congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊 Also, if you become a ghost/zombie/vampire, can I haunt/bite/say bleh bleh bleh with you? Hehehehehehe
Lol, your letter had me giggling, Euan <3 Congrats on the TS, and good luck on the challenge <3
Congrats on the Top Story Euan! Interesting and quirky post. Well, if you became a vampire than can you find Hotel Transylvania I would love to meet Count Dracula.
I laughed out loud at the T-Rex part! I couldn't help but to imagine poor creature trying to pick up that glass. Oh, regret. I always end up with either regretting of doing something or not, or wondering what could happen if I make another choice? Which, for me, is just regret in disguise. Could you be a zombie ghost? So then you could go through the wall to bite people... or a zombie ghost vampire! Go through the wall, eat their brain and suck their blood after. And here I am overthinking it too. I love your honest self-reflection here, Captain Indecisive. Ahoy!
I love this so much, Euan! Hey, I am a weirdo too, so think of it as a blessing. Being a vampire might be fun. Perhaps I've watched too many vampire flicks, you know the kind romanticizing the dark of the night? Being indecisive can be tiresome, I'm sure, but I think time and experience will remedy that one for you. Many congratulations on your top story and best wishes in the challenge!
I laughed at the part where you said by the time you make a decision, the earth would've ended. Lol. I feel that so much. Me being weird myself, I am thoroughly enjoying this. Not your struggle, but the way you write. And how honest this challenge is making you, honesty and anything human is something I like to dip my nose into every now and again. I like that you conclude with the fact that being indecisive is a part of you, if not, the whole of you. Sometimes settling into that thing, is all we can do — getting rid of it; might cause it's own issues... Ooo I like the ending though. 'with decisive regards' go you! This could work out for you, given that you keep on trying. You might end up in a frying pan, but at least it won't be a blender. This is good, this is okay. Congratulations on your Top Story 🎉🎉🎉
Congratulations on top story-- you gave your brain a good taling to!
Very creative and well done story! Good luck in the challenge and Congrats on TS!!
You've managed to write something so hilarious and light, without ever losing the deeper, philosophical layer. This was an absolute pleasure to read! Also...annoyingly relatable! Since you've now resigned and become Mr. Decisive, you won't need this, but I love to flip a coin when facing a dilemma. Mainly because, in that split second when the coin is in the air, I kind of know which outcome I'm hoping for. Decision made! (Not my own invention obvoiusly, but a trick someone shared years ago) Or, if I don’t, then I’ll just go with whatever the coin says. Decision avoided! Or! (Yes, there’s a third option) Sometimes I might not know which side I'm hoping for, so I let fate decide... and then I’m disappointed. So, I do the opposite of what the coin says. Once again, decision made! (Extremely complicatedly, but still.) 😅 Congratulations on your well deserved Top Story too! So happy for you! 🥳
This was really well done...congrats on top story and good luck
Ha! I love the image of the T-Rex! It’s funny you say you’re indecisive because your writing is always so bold and strong. I think that’s what you’re actually like. The fact you think / are indecisive just means you care about the impact of your actions. Thought this was brill. Great top story and wishing you all the best in the challenge too.
That was bloody quick, sir. Well done on a quick-ass Top Story. thoroughly well deserved and one of the most delightfully hilarious and honest things I've read this week!
Gee - A ghost-a vampire or a zombie - Interesting article, but I guess I would prefer just Evan, the young man that lives in England and comments on my articles. It's a simple world you live in when you get to be my age. Nicely Done Evan - Congratulations on Top Story- Well Deserved. Keep Writing and creating, you have talent.
Ooohhh boy! That was an epic resignation letter!! "Euan the Formerly Vacillating, Now Semi-Decisive" 😎. I’m not sure whether to applaud your bravery, your hilarity, or the T. rex imagery most of all. So I’ll do all three, and throw in a compliment sandwich lol 😂. I genuinely hope “option B” is always just weird enough to keep life interesting without putting you in an actual smoothie. This is kinda vulnerability with teeth and claws. And possibly a craving for brains. Brilliant as always! ✨
I feel you on the decision-making struggle. Regret is a real pain. I've had my share of hasty choices I later regretted. It's tough to balance avoiding regret and not letting fear paralyze you. As for your resignation, think it through. And that ghost/zombie choice? That's a wild one! What would you pick?