Three Coping Mechanisms That Helped Me Transform from Depressed to Being Empowered

In my 22 years of existence specifically during my adolescent years, it took me countless shifts from living at the present or preferring my future self.

Let me discuss with you what I mean. Plenty of times during junior high, the feelings I felt were kind of vague — it was difficult to pinpoint. For all I knew, there was a piling concern concerning self-esteem. Talking with other people and figuring out myself was always a tough task. I think most teenagers would relate to this. Inclining to surrender to my self-conscious mind at the time, I chose to burden myself with nonstop thoughts and negative self-talk causing me to fall more into depression and anxiety. I tend to be quiet and don’t think of responding frequently when not warranted. I took speaking only when necessary — a feat that still annoys me. Not because I should have been more talkative but because when boys do it — they somehow get away with it.

Sometimes, things start overwhelming me, and that’s when I opt to write down my thoughts using a notes app where you even put a passcode in or let those concerns out with trusted friends. When I came out of depression in 2016 realizing that mental health concerns or issues can become a recurrent thing, I vowed to give myself simple reminders so I could continue with life. Every time I wasn’t feeling well, I would jot down on my notes app thoughts that have been bothering me, and similar to having a journal, I was able to pour my heart into it. When I’m having a hard time, I can peek at my entries and receive renewed faith. I’m sure the past me has done plenty of similar stuff already with it not having remembered right now but, the past me’s objective was mainly to save future me.

It takes tremendous effort to battle with their mind. You get to appreciate the brain more if you learn that neurons are strongly linked when they are lit up or used consistently. As much as it takes enough practice and effort to remember a specific language, it also takes determination to forget a habit. I have learned from being frenemies with myself that getting out of the gutter that is — low self-esteem and impaired self-confidence would have to resort to resisting the mind’s interpretations of everything.

When one simple matter of fact ends with being paralyzed by fear and a tendency for isolation, it takes a good friend and a bit of wise advice to create a learning and listening experience. The coping mechanism I made for myself consisted of the ingredients readily available for my consumption. In short, I had to help myself overcome whatever was bothering me at the moment. I took a great deal of damage when I couldn’t get out of the situation mainly because I haven’t had a similar case happen before. This is why it became important to me to house galleries, bookmarks, or notes full of life reminders that resonated with the situations I belonged to.

I was the type to prepare myself when the hard times were around because inevitably they would arise. Knowing how I coped before and my tendencies, as well as the vulnerability I possess, it was a great help that I kept myself moving through some accidental habits; having written down my deep and painful thoughts and insecurities.

I’ve become consistent with this coping mechanism for several years until I was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2021 and so far, the therapy’s been good. I created fresh strategies and insights while coursing my life in the grief of my Mom who passed away in October of 2023.

Instead of letting myself submerge in the pain of losing my Mom, I became even more resilient and reversed my situation into a place of beauty that only I saw. While slowly establishing a purpose and meaning in life, my future as I crafted it became illuminated. I saw that I could pay back to life what it had done to me. There was no means of reversing what happened, but having lost the person who meant the world to me and made living so easy despite my conditional vulnerabilities from stress, I was determined to show people that my Mom has a great kid capable of many things.

With this eureka moment, I became driven with purpose and passion to reach the dreams I formulated. I questioned myself which astonishingly revealed an answer that centered around my Mom. I expounded more about this experience here. As a result, it became difficult for me to let go of chasing after a shiny future laid to me in mind. I couldn’t resist the temptation to look forward and get there faster; Meanwhile, I was disregarding experiences of what I could have achieved if only I had chosen to live at the moment. I acknowledged the problem but, wasn’t able to stop gazing towards the future.

I took a psychological test and realized I didn’t feel contented at the moment. I was pretty much confident of having an impressive record of personal growth in half a year. It was somehow sad to think that after all that improvement, I was not contented.

After having an on-and-off experience with living in the present or envisioning my future, it became clear that the latter was more prominent to me. All the while, it’s not valid to choose the future however high the intensity was — of preferring to think about it. I’m missing out a lot from life being this way.

One day, I entered a balanced state after a depressed episode. Luckily, I had my facial and massage done the day before so the chance of shifting into a perfect balance between polars was possible. I suddenly found a way out of obsessing over the future — after experiencing a slight glimpse of my life without thinking much about the glitz and glamour I envisioned many times.

It’s true that being contented now would never make you expect too much of what the future holds. Whether my life becomes consistent or not with my plans, I’ll always be contented as a result. This happened as another eureka moment for me — finding out that I could merge my present and future wishes. I find that simple chores or minimal mishaps like an object falling from its place begin to be imagined as if I was already living the dream I wanted. I thought of this as a smooth transition — I’ll completely fit in when I obtain my goals and dreams because I’ve been consistent with being contented wherever I was; Whether it was today, yesterday, or tomorrow.

But, oh how great it feels to be in the present, living what you are already, knowing that the future is just the same as it is now; Finding out that I can choose to not watch those inspirational reels on Instagram that show me a future I want but, rather giving myself the power to choose what to consume that benefits me at present. It’s like practicing for the big dream but, instead of “becoming”, you are “being”.