The Millennial Dilemma: Craving Connection, Fearing Commitment

In a knowledge-overloaded world where technology and social networking are also altering the way we communicate, it is becoming increasingly difficult for millennials like us to seek a genuine connection with another person.

The connection has become a myth
Millennials are occasionally the generation looking for their "soul mate" but unable to meet them. Some of the problem lies in how we date. With social media and dating apps, the way one meets someone is completely changed nowadays. Previously, a glance or a chat at a party was sufficient to attain an equation. Nowadays, it is easy to get overwhelmed with an ocean of ​​endless possibilities. Tinder, Bumble, etc. Every fresh application promises to allow us to find our perfect match but in reality, they actually lead to a form of superficiality where we are more apt to judge ourselves upon appearance or profile than the degree of compatibility.

We also receive this impression that love must happen fast, uncomplicated, just the way you imagined it in an instant. We text, but somehow there remains this apprehension of not responding on time, misunderstanding an emoji, or being overly direct. The act of communication turns into a weaker dance where every word, every step, has an out-of-proportion meaning. And so, the fear of failure or rejection paralyzes us more than we realize.

Unrealistic expectations
Growing up in a world where everything is perfect – on Instagram, in the movies, or on TV – it is just normal to develop unrealistic expectations. We desire the other person to be beautiful, intelligent, funny, hardworking… And if such a person actually exists, there is extra pressure to live up to the same expectations. We are constantly presented with the idea that the person we are going to live with for the rest of our lives must be "perfect." In reality, though, this is more often a cause of disappointment than not. The idea of ​​"perfect" love makes dating a disappointment. The slightest flaw in another human becomes an excuse to get out.

We also shouldn't forget the part that social media has to do with all of this. Everyone seems to have the perfect love life, and if not, it is just seen as an exception. But what we are ignoring is the fact that what we are seeing on Instagram is a highly filtered and edited reality. While these pictures might motivate us, they could also increase our insecurities.

The stress of modern life
It is also harder to fall in love these days because of the weight of everyday life. Everyone has school, work and a social life going on at once, with all the while trying to achieve personal goals. There are also economic concerns: the home, poor wages, uncertainty for the future… It all contributes to the stress that keeps people from forming meaningful connections. When time has become such a valuable commodity in today's world, it is hard to put all your energy into that one individual, given that you do not feel prepared to commit to a stable relationship.

We are all afraid of commitment too. Perhaps we have seen examples of toxic relationships around us, or perhaps we have been shown the illusion of eternal love on TV and movies that led us to believe that everything is supposed to be easy. But the reality is, relationships require effort at all times. We are sometimes unable to accept this reality and we are sometimes running away as soon as things get serious.

A society of consumption of emotions?
Or perhaps that our modern society with its frenzied and instant consumption of everything has taken this same logic to love. If an activity no longer brings us joy or no longer satisfies our wants, it is simple to discard it. The same sentiment goes for dating. It is now possible to go out with hundreds of people in a matter of hours but does that really lead to a real connection? Or are we in a state of perpetual distraction, constantly on the lookout for the next good thing? The ease of dating, perhaps, makes us more discerning but maybe less sensitive to the luxury of commitment and the gradual discovery of another.

Make a genuine connection
It seems like, as millennials, love has been facilitated and made more complex through technology. In order to escape this spiral, we will have to relearn again how to be present, how to invest time and energy in genuine encounters, and to learn to accept that love, far from being an instant goal, is a process to be slowly coaxed. Deep in our hearts, perhaps what we all desire is that intimate contact, that alchemy that goes beyond messages and likes.

Discovering once more this rapport, this simplicity in the encounter, perhaps is the means to cut through the superficiality that has invaded our encounter. Perhaps the time has come to reinsert the human aspect into this process and anew learn how to see ourselves, not as one option among others but as a human being worth genuine consideration.