Have Human Relationships Gone Downhill in the Last Decade?

The tech revolution of the past decade has transformed the landscape of communication. The spread of smartphones, the ubiquity of social media and the rise of instant messaging applications have taken over our lives. Have these technologies, claiming to bring us closer, actually made us resilient? Nothing can be further from the truth.

In 2013, Facebook was still dominant, Instagram was in its infancy and TikTok didn't exist. Interactions, although already virtual, were more tempered. Now we live in a constant stream of content, likes and instant messages. Deeper conversations have at times given way to transient, often superficial, interactions. The number of the connections has exploded but the quality of the relationships seems to have declined.

Studies conducted in several countries show growing sentiments of solitude among young adults. Despite their hyper-connectedness, a significant portion feel isolated, misunderstood, even rejected. The constant comparison with others, amplified by social media, strengthens this unease. Everyone is encouraged to stage their lives, to make them appealing, sometimes at the expense of their authenticity.

This setting also encourages behaviors of avoidance. Ghosting, for example, is a commonplace phenomenon. It involves suddenly cutting off all contact, without warning or explanation, after a period of seduction or even a more stable relationship. This silent and violent way of breaking up is indicative of a lack of emotional accountability. It is typical of an era where avoidance is favored over confrontation, where relationships are swiped through like on an app.

Dating apps have also transformed our relationship with other people. Swipe left, swipe right: potential partners roll endlessly. This gives the impression of infinite choice but also generates fatigue, a decline in motivation to devote time to one relationship. When everything is within easy reach, commitment becomes less common. The other becomes interchangeable.

In the meantime, a new model of success has been brewing, brought on by social media: that of easy money, overnight success and instant fame. Visibility is sometimes prioritized over authenticity. This model even influences the way we do relationships: some desire exposure and personal attention before authenticity. Friendship and love are sometimes used, made into means rather than ends.

But it would be an error to look only at the negative in this trend. Social media has also allowed millions of people to stay in touch, to meet and to sustain each other at a distance. Communities have been built, causes have been advanced and invisible voices have found expression. It is undoubtedly true that the tools we have today offer unprecedented possibilities to make connections. But we still need to learn to wield them with mindfulness.

So technology is not the issue, per se but how we are using it. When connection is compulsive, algorithm-driven, it is difficult to have a patient, trust-based relationship. A real human connection requires time, presence and attention. But these very qualities are often at odds with the rhythm of our age.

Some years ago, we were possibly less linked technologically but more there humanly. There were fewer diversions, less pressure to perform. Silences were not perceived as rejection and conversations were allowed to unfold. Now we must labor to recapture that degree of communication. We must consciously try to slow down, to listen, to not disappear without a word.

At a time when hyperconnectivity threatens to drain relationships of all meaning, we must relearn the art of truly talking to each other. Revalue the word spoken, true presence, compassion, the courage to say "I'm leaving" rather than to disappear. What we must hope for is not a step backward but a more human step forward in our way of being together.