The June Freeze

March 14th

“The ash no longer feels like a dusting of sadness and loneliness; but like the weight of remorse and guilt. Nothing more than speckles reminding me of you. Reminding me of the rain that fell on your viel when we were still able to ignore the world around us, still able to decide for ourselves, still able to take control of how our lives played out. Now look at us; I don’t know what to do anymore, to be honest, I’m not sure I want to even figure it out. What if you aren’t even out there, what if you blame me, not only for not protecting you but for everything leading up to that. What if you see me as a bad guy? I did what I could to stop you from leaving but you weren’t hearing any of it. I even bought you that beautiful locket-not that you were even grateful for it. You told me you didn’t like it; never wanted it. What more was I supposed to do? God, what a waste of money, but I guess in this world, what isn’t a waste of money? 20/20 is crystal clear, I suppose. This whole thing has made so many things so clear. Of course you didn’t want the locket, you wanted me to care, to listen, communicate, to be a better man-the man that you married. If I get out of this alive, I assure you, I will be that for you again. I love you, Cheyenne.

Sincerely,

Dustin

Chaos ensued inside of the home each and every night; the sound of crashing and glass shattering was nothing new to the family. So when the sky finally lit up like a million meteors crashing into earth, it seemed like more of a lightning bug swarming around a bonfire on a family camping trip. It felt like the gentle glow of lights on a Christmas tree when the family finally finishes decorating. The type in movies where the family just stands back and stares in awe at what they’ve done; not because of the beauty of the tree but the beauty of new memories. For Cheyenne, this glow was the same. A step in the right direction, no matter what this glow was, it was new; and for Cheyenne and the kids-that was enough.

As she gathered the kids in secret that night, Cheyenne packed light bags to make sure they at least had enough clothes and supplies to get them to their next location. While Dustin raged in the home they snuck out the back door just in time to see the light and take cover away from the home. Shoving the children in the covered sewage drain, Cheyenne laid in front of the children, using her body as a human shield, just as she had done many times before. She cowered watching the home she had grown to hate crumble on top of the man she no longer knew and as that house crumbled, she knew it would be the last time she had to endure this.

When the smoke had finally cleared and they had regained control of their senses, they stood, ready to assess damage and make headway on their journey. But the heat, the god damn heat. The type of heat that was so damn unbearable it wraps itself around your throat and holds you hostage, the kind that will singe hair off of your body, the kind that kills your gardens and wildlife. And the smell, it was just enough to make Cheyenne and the kids lose the very last meal that they would have for a while. But despite the burns and injuries, they were alive. Alive and safe, finally.

“I just know I should be scared; I should be, but I am not. The explosion? This is nothing new. The heart drop? My body going into fight or flight mode? Ready to hide my children from the aftermath of disaster? But this disaster? It came with no guilt. This danger? Was not because I chose not to protect my children, this danger…is freedom. He is in our home, or should I say under our home. Prison is a better word for it. Buried under piles of wood and debris, buried with his own conscience, in his own hell-where he belongs. The world as we know it no longer exists, and while I am here collecting materials to keep Paisley and Jacob safe from this ash snow, I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe..I’m not alone. Maybe this is the reset we all needed. Maybe we were never meant to live that way. Unhappy, worked to the bone, trapped; surrounded by a false sense of security that was given to us but all of the stupid shit we wasted money on. Where is it now, Dustin? Huh? Where is that tacky, clearance locket that you thought would solve all of our problems? Is it fixing things the way you thought it would? Either way, I should put this away and hide the kids before nightfall.

-Cheyenne

June 17th

Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part but maybe she would come back for him? Maybe she would have a change of heart, maybe she would give him one last chance. But deep down, Dustin knew that he would die in that home. In the personal hell that he created for all of them. Dustin knew that eventually the air would be suffocated by all of the dust, his injuries would become too much to handle, that he would run out of canned food that was in the basement, or whatever had been pacing above his head would eventually make its way in. Deep down, he knew it was only a matter of time before karma would catch up to him and this would be nothing more than Cheyenne’s revenge.

‘I can’t believe you took them, Cheyenne. You took my kids? I’m alone here, those are my kids, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to die alone. They don’t deserve this. They love ME. I can feel the cold getting into the basement, the concrete floors are getting cold. Why? How are they so cold under my feet? Is it not June? I thought it was June, Cheyenne? Why is it so cold; what is happening out there? You took them away from our home, from their safe place, how are you gonna protect them out there? How will you protect yourself? God, a dumb bitch, nothing new here. Just like this locket. A waste of resources and cheap. God, this is just like you-selfish. Im starving, the food in here is gross, I can’t believe this is what you wasted my hard earned money on. If I’m like this in here I can only imagine how miserable you are out there… good.’

Dustin

June…?

Life had turned for Cheyenne on the outside of that house, despite the absolute destruction of the current system, a small community was forming. Survivors of the blast were conjuring to rebuild what had been destroyed. After months of wondering, hoping for resources, those left began to come together rather than work against each other. Was it perfect? No. We’re they safe and taken care of? Yes. The usually scorching June weather was just warm enough to create a bountiful crop to help support the small community that had formed and for the first time, Cheyenne felt renewed. No pressure, stress, debt, pain, fear. It was over. And no matter where Dustin was now…she was free.

‘I know what I said Cheyenne, I know, and if you ever find these letters just know I love you more than I was ever able to show you and I hope my children are safe. There’s no food left and whatever is pacing above me has busted it’s way through so I just want to say goodbye..I guess I deserve this, I’ll fight as long as I can’

-Dustin

Lost track a long time ago.

The following spring was met with a revitalized sense of community and hope. Met with new goals for the community Cheyenne had found home in. After packing up food and clothing for her and the kids, Cheyenne set out to gather materials for housing and possibly make her way to the house to salvage all she could. As she and the children searched the rubble, they collected wood, old clothing, and items for entertainment. Some books and arts and crafts supplies. A few family photos were collected but more than anything, they found Dustin or what was left of Dustin, holding a cheap and tacky gold locket that Cheyenne burned along with some letters she never read.