Sumer Mertens

The June Freeze

March 14th “The ash no longer feels like a dusting of sadness and loneliness; but like the weight of remorse and guilt. Nothing more than speckles reminding me of you. Reminding me of the rain that fell on your viel when we were still able to ignore the world around us, still able to decide for ourselves, still able to take control of how our lives played out. Now look at us; I don’t know what to do anymore, to be honest, I’m not sure I want to even figure it out. What if you aren’t even out there, what if you blame me, not only for not protecting you but for everything leading up to that. What if you see me as a bad guy? I did what I could to stop you from leaving but you weren’t hearing any of it. I even bought you that beautiful locket-not that you were even grateful for it. You told me you didn’t like it; never wanted it. What more was I supposed to do? God, what a waste of money, but I guess in this world, what isn’t a waste of money? 20/20 is crystal clear, I suppose. This whole thing has made so many things so clear. Of course you didn’t want the locket, you wanted me to care, to listen, communicate, to be a better man-the man that you married. If I get out of this alive, I assure you, I will be that for you again. I love you, Cheyenne.