Struggling to be a good parent..

So I have come to realize that even when its 16 degrees outside and the wind is blowing so fiercely that you think your face will fall off, it is still a good time to stand on your back porch and scream like your being murdered. Just to get a minute away from your children.

I am now how every day of the week. They have shut our office down, we are no longer allowed the solitude of one person in the office per day. I have lost what little bit solace I had left. I envy my husband working in a school, because at least he doesn't have to take those kids home.

I love my children there is no doubt about that. I would do anything for them, but when they are playing superman and jumping from the recliner to the counter while I am on a very important call with a client .... I kind of wish I had just gotten dogs.

My youngest yanked my head phone of the other day, while I was on the phone with a client and the CEO of my company. The client was blessed enough to hear me say G*d D**mitt, before I could disentangle from the child and get back on the call. After the call they complained that I was unfocused and there fore they would like another representative working for their account.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE 100% FOCUSED? There are times when I am on it, things are getting done at a great speed and with efficiency . There are also times when I can't find my ass from my head because I have a toddler climbing my leg and my pre teen is screaming her head off because she cannot find the remote. There are so many things going on at one time in my house. Every now and then there is even a chicken loose in my house.

I am not sure how everyone else is coping but OMG can us stay at home and work parents get a break? We work as hard as we can while wiping butts and finding the tire to a monster truck that their kids hadn't played with in almost a month.

I have not missed any deadlines since all of this started and I do have to say that my work has improved, I think due to me trying to make up for my son yelling like banshee in heat while I talk to my boss. Its unnerving having to feel guilty or embarrassed because your child is uncontrollable, the anxiety in me makes me think that everyone on the call or in my circle of co-workers is judging me.

I used to be able to spend my 45 min drive home after work, preparing myself for the absolute chaos that is my home. Don't get me wrong I love all of it, right down to the ornery rooster who thinks he needs the live in my bedroom window. I could drive and relax letting go of the office buzz.

Now I have to step outside and scream for three minutes before I can feel almost normal again. I am a very standoffish person to start with, so my desk in my office is separated from everyone else's, it has nothing to do with other people, I am just not a people person. So being at home with my kids all the time ( who I love dearly) drive me up the wall. Its not even really the kids, its the incessant questions and loud noises.

If this feels like I am just bitching, its because I am. I have so much respect for all of the essential workers who have to go out into the world everyday and work at work. You guys are bad ass and you risk yourself everyday, but I also envy you, I miss being able to take walks and breath the fresh air in that is not my cows butt piles.

So I am going to wrap this crabby patty fest with a thank you to everyone who keeps the world turning while the rest of us are stuck indoors, whether is be in the hospital or at home. You guys are the real rick stars in all of this.

I will live to complain another day.