Sparks Start to Fly When My Head Hits The Pillow.

Why is it that when I sit in front of my laptop for hours during the day, with the sole purpose to write, my creative juices seem to go MIA? But, when I am trying to go to sleep at night, when the sole purpose is to sleep, especially after a long day of writing sweet nothings onto the page, I could literally write a novel or at least three articles on three different topics!

Case in point, last night, and the night before, and the night before that, I went to bed very late, after midnight, which is late for an early bird like me. And, as soon as I lay my head down on my perfectly soft pillow, which has been waiting patiently for me all day, my mind starts to race, not in an anxiety-inducing way (sometimes that does happen, but that's a whole other story), but in a way that I feel like I've entered a state of flow, and the words to the article I was trying to write all day, all week, just come pouring out.

Now, this is rather frustrating, since the words, ideas, and sentence structures are all coming through my brain so fast and free, that by the time I realise what I have just come up with sounds pretty damn good, as in, 'I think I've just struck gold with that line' (wishful thinking I know, but hey, I am half asleep after all), I roll over and try to find a pen and paper to write it all down…and just like that, it vanishes into thin air, as if I was pressing the backspace key in my brain, repeatedly, with no undo button.

This has happened to me numerous times this week, and maybe it comes down to being overworked, spreading myself too thin, expecting too much of myself, and not managing my anxiety properly?

When I look for a pattern, in order to figure out what is going on in my brain (I like to therapize myself...I should probably see a real counsellor about that), I've noticed that when my brain has an idle moment, a time of reprieve, when it is not expected to be doing anything too taxing, like walking my dog, going for a run, putting my make-up on, driving my car (probably should be concentrating a little more here) cooking and of course when I am trying to sleep, I seem to come up with my best work!

I must say since I have dedicated more time to writing, I have significantly reduced my social media use (and mindless scrolling) which is something I am very pleased about. Perhaps the reduction of my Instagram scrolling, and the increase in my writing, is the reason for my mind racing with new ideas since it is not being numbed anymore?

I think this is all a sign that I am pushing myself too much and that sometimes my brain wants some 'me' time, and if I just trust myself, give myself a break (maybe have a KitKat?), the words will start to flow, the fog will lift, and I'll be able to write when I want to write and sleep when I want to sleep.

Now this is great in theory and easier said than done, so I really need to invest in some extra pens and notepads, and hide them everywhere, ready for when the sparks start to fly! Since, knowing me (therapizing myself again), I'll be on this 'doing my best writing while trying to fall asleep' rollercoaster for a while yet!

I should go to sleep now (to write), so wish me luck!