Solitude at the Summit: Sabeer Nelli on the Approachable Authority Paradox

Imagine you're caught in a situation like the famous "Hobson's Choice"—a dilemma where you're given two unappealing options, and no matter what you choose, there's no ideal outcome. Sabeer Nelli, CEO of Zil Money, believes CEOs face this same challenge from an early stage in their careers. Do you assert your authority, make tough decisions, and risk isolating your team? Or do you prioritize relationships, creating a culture of complacency and dependency, where boundaries are blurred and accountability is lost? Either way, serious consequences await, and the stakes are high.

This tension, often referred to as the "approachable authority paradox," is a struggle for many CEOs. Balancing the need to maintain high standards and make critical decisions while also being approachable and supportive can seem like an impossible feat. Too much authority breeds disengagement, while too much focus on relationships can lead to a lack of discipline and respect. It’s a constant challenge where every decision impacts not just the company but the well-being of the leader and their team.

The Solitude of Success: What It Really Means to Lead at the Top

As the founder of Zil Money, Sabeer Nelli felt this dilemma firsthand. Research shows that 72% of CEOs experience loneliness in their roles, and 61% say it affects their performance. For Sabeer, every significant decision—from growing Tyler Petroleum to scaling Zil Money—has rested squarely on his shoulders. Despite achieving remarkable success, like processing nearly $100 billion at Zil Money, the responsibility often feels isolating. Each triumph adds to the weight of solitude, and every setback intensifies self-doubt.

However, Sabeer has found ways to turn this solitude into strength. He embraces "structured authenticity"—a leadership style that combines clear boundaries with empathy and transparency. For instance, he integrates customer feedback into decision-making and holds one-on-one conversations to better understand his team's challenges. This balance between authority and approachability is central to his leadership philosophy, ensuring that mental health is prioritized alongside growth.

6 Principles to Overcome CEO Loneliness

Here are six practical, actionable principles that Sabeer Nelli believes can help CEOs manage the inherent loneliness of leadership:

1. Embrace Structured Authenticity

Establish clear frameworks for decision-making and communication. Combine authority with empathy, ensuring employees know what’s expected while feeling supported and valued. At Zil Money, Sabeer’s transparent communication during tough decisions has allowed him to maintain trust even when making unpopular calls.

2. Be “Kind,” Not Just “Nice”

Focus on honest, direct conversations that prioritize performance and expectations without compromising empathy. This builds trust while maintaining high standards. For example, when managing evolving product features at Zil Money, Sabeer engaged the team in open discussions, identifying areas for enhancement and turning them into opportunities for innovation and continuous improvement.

3. Practice Vulnerable Authority

Acknowledge your limitations and invite feedback from your team. By being open about the challenges he faces, Sabeer builds credibility. When Zil Money was refining its product marketing strategies, Sabeer actively sought feedback from his team, encouraging innovative ideas and ensuring that everyone’s input was valued, which helped align the product with market needs and gain collective support.

4. Invest in Meaningful Connections

Go beyond surface-level interactions. Sabeer dedicates time to understanding his team’s personal challenges and motivations. Regularly connecting with employees helps him make better decisions while fostering loyalty. His practice of conducting informal check-ins with front-line employees ensures he stays connected to the pulse of the company.

5. Relentlessly Seek Feedback & Build Peer Networks

Use external networks and peer forums to gather insights and validate ideas. Sabeer participates in industry discussions, which helps him stay informed and combat the isolation of leadership. He shares the lessons learned from these forums with his team, fostering a collaborative learning environment.

6. Celebrate Wins, Share Struggles, & Redefine Success

Recognize individual and team accomplishments, but also openly share challenges and setbacks. Sabeer regularly shares both wins and losses in company meetings, emphasizing that setbacks are part of the journey. By linking success to mental well-being and community impact, he ensures that Zil Money’s growth is not just about profits but about creating lasting value for all stakeholders.

Mental Health as a Strategic Driver

For Sabeer, mental health is not just a personal concern—it's a strategic business advantage. When a major payment platform failed at Tyler Petroleum, Sabeer didn’t rush for quick fixes. Instead, he led his team to build Zil Money’s in-house payment system, turning a crisis into an opportunity. Throughout this process, maintaining clear, transparent communication was key to ensuring the team remained resilient under pressure.

At Zil Money, Sabeer integrates mental health into the company’s culture. Regular HR pulse surveys and one-on-one check-ins help identify burnout early. This proactive approach ensures that the company remains agile and productive, even during times of rapid growth.

Final Thoughts

Sabeer Nelli’s journey demonstrates that managing CEO loneliness is not about avoiding tough decisions or sacrificing authority. It’s about finding the right balance between authority and empathy, vulnerability and strength. By integrating mental health into leadership practices, CEOs can create a culture where both people and performance thrive. Sabeer’s approach to leadership offers valuable lessons for any entrepreneur looking to not only build a successful company but one that fosters long-term growth, resilience, and well-being.