Memories: 14 February 2025

14 February 2025

Happy Valentines Day to Lovers, Dreamers, Believers. Magick makers, Sweethearts and those old bitten down ones who know better but still have an incredible lightness of Being deep down in their embattled hardbitten brittle carapaced caramelised chewy core.

Shhh…don’t tell them…we still harbour romance and delight buried down deep. Lmao! (They will all want some and it gets a little terrifying and addictive if we expose our vulnerable sweet side!) Why all The Tanya gotta do is throw on an old coral coloured dress, her pearls or alternatively, her corset and skirt and fishnet stockings, and the men go wild.

It’s that easy Mofoes….and that difficult to wrangle at times hah! Mama T wearing pastels…looking oblique and fae and disinterested in their bullshit sends them even nuttier with lust.

They want me softened and malleable like play doh. But like all naughty (or nasty) boyzzzz they never stick around for the long haul…awww. So many Georgie Porgies…Mama T got so little time for idiots.

The cat ran away with the spoon while the fattened cow jumped over the moon and stayed up there…better prospects and atmosphere…or summat lak’ that.

I’m in the mood for love. Deserving of real authentic love. Gonna have to manifest it for my own self. Real love that is a constant: courageous, devoted, soul nourishing, fun, honouring and always there for/with you…starts from within!

Pity I chomped down in my lip when I fell yesterday and have a massive lump on my lip now. Smooches…anyone?! Giggles!

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This pendant gave me a lot of trouble. I couldn’t solder a jumpring onto it after 4 attempts so I ended up drilling a hole then adding a jumpring which I soldered closed instead.

I don’t think I want to work with silver clay as a medium again. It was very difficult for me. But I have completed it and will gift it to Luke Williams (Mr Likka) the drummer of Ramjet this evening when I go dancing. It’s a bit rustic so I hope he likes it.

14 February 2024

I was out in the garden, topping up my fishpond after cleaning the filter. A ute pulls up across the road and a small blonde woman climbs out and yells at me “get out of your garden!” Dressed in working gear! I had to look a few times.

Omgoddess! What a surprise! It was my friend Jo Leeson! So good to see her! We had a chat outside my property as apparently it’s not allowed for staff to enter people’s properties.

But good to see you Jojo! Hugs!

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1:11 pm greetings from the angels…hopefully that arse biting cherub brings me The One!

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I got the mad idea to make my own organic frangipane fragrance. Hopefully it works out.

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https://youtu.be/jZRjhR6xd98?si=3gW-mN6Q1oIKv8uH

https://youtu.be/BakTOfevWAs?si=tVtUf7WmUpFRobOK

14 February 2023

https://youtu.be/LZuWAc2a3LQ

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https://youtu.be/b7kR1Rh9KEY

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I just went out in the refreshing cool air after that amazing storm, with my 2lb mallet and smashed up the hutch dresser that no one wanted.

A large piece of timber hit my shinbone which hurt a lottt but I kept going. It’s now firewood piled up in my backyard ready for another fire.

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A delicious much needed storm is here. Hopefully we get enough rain to cool the air down!

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So pissed off. Some young Chinese woman came to buy the fur coat I had on marketplace. She arrived early (while I was in the shower!) Then fumbled with the money.

I had reduced my price by $20 for her. Then she had to go to her car to get the $20 (because she dropped it!) then I returned to my shower and she’s back at my door again, complaining it is patchy.

I sold it as a vintage coat that could be used for craft and the patches were barely noticeable…I had not seen them myself. I handed her back the $60 she had scammed me down in price to.

A bloody time waster. I am furious as I needed that money to put towards gas for my silversmithing. Today is not my day. Hmmm. Oh well, I will survive. I always do. 🙂

14 February 2021

I am very hungry today. It must be a side effect of the anti-inflammatory which has barely taken the edge off the pain.

What kind of Woman (even a Berserker Warrior Goddess) is constantly wanting to eat simultaneously while in extreme pain? It’s not normal!!!!

Might as well heat up a second helping of the mince and stir fry and pasta I took out of the freezer. It was quite yummy.

I guess I will just eat until I no longer have a desire for food. It happens occasionally. Thank the Goddess I don’t have the same attitude towards more carnal appetites.

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Mama T is under some weird kind of psychic attack...again. I bent over in the bath to shave my legs and a spasmed muscles across my lower back. (It is agonising!) I had to take a long time as just shaving my legs had to be done in small sections as the pain was so intense. Fml!

I managed to wash my hair, finish shaving and get out of the bath safely.

What an ordeal! But guess what?! I’m alive and it’s Valentine’s Day and I am so very loved by Supernal beings that a mere back spasm is nothing in comparison.

Although if the pain gets worse I will have to take an anti-Inflammatory.

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I had another lovely day yesterday (4 days in a row...:-)) Jarrod visited in the afternoon to attend my inaugural spiritual social circle and in celebration of our 29 year friendship I baked him an orange almond gluten free cake. This time the cake was a success!

He brought us pâté and cheese and other goodies. We feasted happily. We discussed egregors. (His topic of choice) I forget the word he used but they are built up energy that create a kind of spirit that did not exist on its own accord but was created by people’s thought forms. Interesting.

He bought us a lovely dinner, home delivered from Taco Bell. Yum. Together we watched the latest Borat movie which was both triggering and hilarious.

Then before he left we even had a little haunting from my resident spook, which was kind of sweet given that entity only comes out to play when I have visitors.

It hid a feather I was giving Jarrod for his smudge fan then replaced it when we came back into the kitchen area. It knocked down my Chamsa protection on my mirror that Jarrod actually drew for me years ago. It was certainly trying to get Jarrod’s attention!

But after he left, the house was settled again...thank god as I have to live here with my invisible mischievous “friends”.

I was very tired so I went to bed at 11 pm.

14 February 2020

As Valentines Day grinds to the end for another year I am musing over my true loves. Most of them, platonic. The men in my life who literally kept me alive. Jarrod and my psychiatrist who are both nurturing and protecting.

The former lover that was such a vapid disappointment. The rest...no longer a blip on my radar, even if they do come to leer at me at the Casino regularly.

My lawnmower man was very affectionate today. Clasping my elbow and attempting to put his arm around me in a vague cautious sort of hug. He asked me if anyone had been calling me regularly to chat. I said “Only you, Clarry”. He seemed happy about that.

Me...not so sure... still deeply triggered. I may never allow a lover in my life again (rolls eyes...famous last words) but 5 years of celibacy is easier to cope with, than feckless dirty treacherous flybynighters.

I am happy with my beautiful soulful loving friends though. I am loved by the most gorgeous decent people. Whom are there for me in my distress, and also in my triumphant recoveries. True friends who respect me and love me in healthy ways.

Lucky Tanya! Lucky!

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Home from my debrief. My doctor agreed with me, that the attitudes of various people on Wednesday night exhibited a level of denial and shame and a deluded psychosis projected at me for bravely speaking my absolute truth. It was nothing short of grandiose narcissism.

He also agreed it was a bunch of bored rich people invalidating a trauma survivor because I am a woman, poor and single. He said it was psychopomp too. It certainly was vile!!!

Thank God. He completely validated me. A decent man.

Meanwhile I am heartsick, soul tired and now have an upset tummy, along with the ear which has eased slightly.

Life of the Tanya goes on. As precarious and whimsical but brave, as ever.

14 February 2018

I love my psychiatrist. He is so validating. I also love my friend Jarrod who has stood by me for 26 years.

I also love my other awesome friends.

I love my daughter. Wished she knew what that truly means but one day she will get it.

I love myself. I love Byron Bay (my dream of serenity and freedom on the beach). I love Coochiemudlo Island. I love my little zenzone/hot house in Holland Park.

I love my dog Mr Beauregard. I love Penny, Socks, Sophie and Charlie and my one lone hen! I love my fish. I love the universe. I am grateful for the miracle of survival against all odds while simultaneously under attack for several decades.

I love living in a time where evil perpetrators finally face court. I love the me too campaign. I love the Sisterhood and I love the Divine Feminine.

I love my mind, (even if a bit fried from heat exhaustion).

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Happy Valentines Day to my Beloveds. It’s gonna be 36 degrees Celsius so there will be a lot of melting...hearts, chocolate, sweaty commingling bodies and stay cool, people. Cos if V day won’t smother us singles with epic disappointment in life strategies gone sour, then the fricking heat will.

14 February 2017

Off to the QE2 dentist...again. I have an earache in my right ear that woke me up with pain at 4 am. Grrr. Lucky I still had ear drops from the last tooth-related earache.

Stage 2 and 3 root canal today (if they have the funding?) they tried to cancel my appointment yesterday so I told them that would not be a good idea as I have pain in the tooth that requires completion of root canal.

G-d I am so tired of having to fight for myself constantly! But will see how I go this morning.

I am one helluva strong woman and life has not been gentle to me.

Anyway, on a positive note:

Happy Valentines Day to worshippers and practitioners of Love. May it bring you joy, peace, comfort and devoted loyal passionate companionship. May Love strengthen you in dark times, even in isolation, or in a busy crowd.

May Love come to you, See you as you are and love you anyway. May it show you only truth, light, justice and childlike wonder. May it hold you close and precious, yet still honour your need for freedom and individuality. May Love never lie to you, betray you or cheat on you.

May it be an eternal supernal gift from the Holy One and may it keep its promise to you through all the eons. May it find you and bring you bliss. May you find it and honour it and share it with the world, and your beloved in a unique way that is yours and yours alone.

Let our Love join in the cosmos so that no one entity is left behind, forgotten, abandoned and neglected. We are all connected to the Source that is/was/always will be Love.

Blessed be the lovers who bring light and joy to all the world. Amen.

14 February 2016

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“Losing love is like a window in your heart, everyone sees you're blown apart, everyone feels the wind blow”.

At the dog park with Beauregard. Just holding on. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Just keep breathing. Moving forward. Life after the death of all love, hope and joy.

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. Said John Lennon who had a true enduring love then got shot and lost it all.

Irony.

I made myself a vow after the filth and rot of David Davidson that I would never love again, and if I did, and had fallen for another abuser, (3 men came after him!) That I would end my life.

Well, that hasn't been successful either. No end to this misery. Maybe I should have grabbed the lady pistol at the clubhouse and pointed it to my chest and pulled the trigger. But I liked them too much to mess up the clubhouse. They did right by me, scaring me off. The entire clubhouse handed in their patches not long after.

I still believe they valued and protected me. Wild men understand Wild Women. That was 4 years ago now. And for the Love of G-d I am still alive. Fuck it!!!

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Today I celebrated Valentines Day by burning my wedding dress, veil and circlet I wore as a young bride, almost 32 years ago (20 May 1984). That marriage brought me no joy, except in the very beginning when I was naïve and unaware, as to how abusive that man and his family would be.

(Not my in-laws Harry and Hilda who did right by me and wanted me to be happy and prosper so much they paid off Micheal's home -for their future grandchildren). How were they to know that he and his siblings and their partners would be so vicious, or that my own family of origin were so very cruel that I barely survived into adulthood?

My own Denial meant I had not accepted that reality or even begun to shine the light on the darkest, murkiest, most sinister aspects of my life with them. Not until 20 years of therapy did I finally realise the enormity of what I had endured, attacked by not one but approximately 20 different family members and their consorts, or cohorts. Yup, everyone had a ride on Tanya's train-wreck to hell. Well, I have hit the skids, and reached my destination.

I decided to burn, and cleanse the filth of decades of bad luck with relationships. Much of it connected to my awful marriage and even more awful divorce, then the next 3 relationships, 3 strangulations, one threat to cut my head off with a ornamental Samurai sword and the last one, parry and thrust with energy vampirism, psychological warfare of a psychopath and his group of enablers.

Just not a worthy opponent. Not worth my heart and soul which he has broken and shattered into a million pieces with his Dreaded Mallet. He picked the early hours of Valentines Day to do it. Contemptuous shallow vapid cunt.

All to protect Irish Murphies from my curse. As if! That curse holds whether I dance at the casino, or anywhere I go. I will ask the universe for it to hold even decades after my death. Too much damage was done to myself and other women there.

They can turn my beloved against me and flock together like fetid Bubonic Rats to hurt me, but I will heal. I will overcome. I will have love in my life again. Perhaps even be happy and peaceful but those ghouls. Hahahahaha! One day in the not too distant future, I will not even remember their names or their shallow plastic energy. Liars and Fakes.

Speaking of plastic, my beautiful ancient Satin dress Melted. Satin must be made from nylon or some plastic base. It took some doing to get it all to burn.

Good riddance to my last connection to that past (even my wedding day was traumatic).

I release all connections to that dress, that marriage, the divorce, the shitty dangerous cruel hateful relationships then…and that came later. I release all the bad mojo connected to me.

I release all friendships and connections that are based on envy of my power and my love. I pray for healing and a better happier life surrounded by genuine friends and a partner who loves me completely and wants the best for me, as I have wanted for him.

I ask G-d and his angels to surround me with Love, healing, Light, protection and to block anyone who is false and cruel from getting close to me from now until eternity. I have loved enough abusers in my life.

I'm out of love, set me free, let me end this misery, and really, at the end of a day, or a life - it's only smokes and ashes baby. (Thanks Roberta! Your soundtrack to my life is always pure genius. Hallelujah).

Man, that guide is so funny, witty but always on point. Thank you Universe. For giving me life, sustaining me and bringing me to the full humbling mortifying profound meaning of this moment. Amen v' Selah!

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha Olam Schehecheyanu V'Kiyemanu V'Higeyanu Lazman Hazei. Amen v' Selah.

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4.42 am. I had a wild night dancing to MissionX but was saddened and humiliated by that fucking psychopath I have loved for over 2 years. Time to get over the incessant abuse.

I sat outside the 7/11 drinking a cappuccino to calm down and sober up before I drove home. My homeless friend Bones waited for me to settle as I promised him a lift home. He studied my face as I tried hard to contain my emotions.

I must have looked a wreck as a very drunk Irishman gave me a cigarette and another indigenous man kept asking me if I was all right, then offered to take me back to his place. Gawd. No, a fuck will not cure my romantic problems or make me happy or fix me in any way.

I sat with Bones for a while until I sobered up. Then dropped him home and went home myself.

I am lucky to have a roof, even if it is not mine and I will never have security or stability again. Bones asked me if I had ever been homeless and on the streets. I said Not yet, but it could happen at any time.

He told me he is being evicted from his place but he prefers the streets anyway. I told him to keep his unit no matter what, as at least he has somewhere to lay his head at night.

So funny coming from me who can't even get a genuine partner, or a life.

Just as well I went dancing though, or my entire weekend would have been awful.

I think I will quit dancing. It takes so much energy and effort on my part and all I mostly get in return is abuse.

I will try to work out what else I can do to rebuild my life from the ashes.

14 February 2015

7.09 am. Finally lying in bed with Penny. She stared into my face like I am an alien and then turned away to clean ahem, certain body parts of hers. Remind me again why I am the crazy cat lady?

Oh yes! Never lies, cheats on me, never nags, (except at dinner time), purrs lovingly and loves me no matter what. What did she get in return? At one time an unwanted litter of kittens, an expensive hysterectomy and was rescued from the crazy bf of my younger daughter who threw her into a wall.

Penny, not my daughter! If he had thrown Jasmine into a wall I would have killed him. Everyone knows to never fuck with my kids, even though Jasmine has no contact with me, if she needed me, I would protect her.

Anyhow, Penny and I have some psychedelic dreaming to do. See you this evening, on the flip side. It's a beautiful morning but my ankles ache, my feet are thrumming and I am exhausted.

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6.20 am going outside to let the hens run free, gonna cross-pollinate my dragonfruit flowers which opened during the night. Then off to bed with my cats.

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3.35 am Sore Throat is back with a vengeance. Still glad I went out. My body needed to Dance out my stress and pain.

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2.55 am I went dancing, even with asthma. I feel better for the exercise. Ramjet was playing. They usually play much harder rock but they mainstreamed a bit for the casino.

I was really happy when they finished with Zombie so I could mosh out.

Anyway, Happy Valentines day to all the Romantics and Lovesick Puppies out there.

14 February 2014

I am going out like a Blister in the Sun being a not so Violent Femme on Valentines Day. At least I have fond memories of OP who was my lovely Cup of Tea from last year. We will never meet again. Alas but you never know who I might see out tonight?

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My psychic sidekick friends from Paltalk all promised me a man by April, some even said by February! Lol

They promised me a love by April last year too. I met one too, but he was a time-waster.

So I am now thinking I am meant to be alone and just enjoying watching all the other Lovers and being Happy for them and continue to enjoy my Freedom which is worth more than Gold to me.

I love going out feeling beautiful and desirable but after fending off the drunks, stalkers and trolls, I sure as hell relish coming home alone too!

I guess the right man is out there in the Twilight zone, drinking iced tea and Not thinking of me lol.

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4.53 am woke to some weird animal noise. Most likely one of the scrub turkeys stealing leftover grain on the ground. Barely Dawn.

Happy Valentines Day to Would-be Lovers Everywhere! It's time for Romance and some Delicate Negotiations of the Ardent Kind. Hope you all have a Bodacious Bodice-Ripping time of it. Mutually exclusively merrily agreed upon, of course!

Cupid (that fat little child of Eros) is a notoriously bad shot but when he bites you on the bum with the Love Bug, well, it's a weird kind of Insanity.

To my suitors out there...Good Luck on your Quest. I am still waiting for your expressions of Interest.

Waiting...watching...yearning...(tap, tap, tap...) Will you hurry up cos I got myself down from my mouldy cobwebbed shelf, dusted myself off and been hot shoe shuffling ever since.

Hell, I even look pretty good with a spit and a polish. I am not too hard on the eye (except at 4.52 am when Awoken by odd animal noises not of my own making).

Godot can just get off Godiva's High Horse and stride right into my life.

Now anyone who looks like Travis Fimmel or Charlie Hannan (wild blue or green eyed men lol ) may apply for Head Hunter of my Heart. (The loins can quiver later...or sooner) but I am realistic.

You can't always get what you want but you get what you need so show up, keep up, stay up and we will renegotiate my Terms of Endearment next Valentines Day.

Love You in Advance!

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14 February 2013

Happy Valentines Day to all you crazy lonely Wannabe Smoochers out there! Empty pockets to the rest. :-)

14 February 2012

I had a lovely visit from Lyn and her little granddaughter Aaliyah, who sweetly collected all the Dahlia flowers and put them in my glass lanterns and hung them back up in my Frangipane tree! My Faeries will be pleased with all the garden decorations and we left some honey out for them too.

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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY - may I meet my true Love soon! In the meantime I am surrounded by Love with good friends, my pets and my magical garden. Bliss!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons