Memories: 5 February 2025

5 February 2025

8:24 am oh my! This is a much better result than yesterday morning.

I saw my gp yesterday. He said he will cut the cyst out for $200. I gasped in shock. Then he said “I will do it for you for $100. Medicare won’t cover cysts only tiny skin cancers.” He smiled and blushed with delight. “Why don’t you go to the other skin doctor?”

I stared at him. I said “The other doctor is an excellent surgeon but has the bedside manner of a psychopath. Zero empathy. I leave feeling shaken and terrorised. He also freaked out with my last cyst as he stated it was much larger than he anticipated and should have been done in hospital. He was sweating and shaking. I was traumatised. I want this done before it gets bigger than Ben Hur”.

This one smiled sanguinely. “Does he bulkbill?” “No” I reply, “Not any more”. He smiled again. “Or you could get it done at a hospital for free?” I says “Yeah, and wait weeks or have them butcher me like they did my daughter who now has to have restorative surgery as they cut through a muscle in her back and she can’t raise her arms. Yeah I could let some cowboy at me!” He gives me a script for antibiotics. That was something, I guess. Usually they withhold that as well.

I made an appointment for him for Tuesday next week. I wanted to scream “Fuck you and your Agenda 2030…it’s deliberate targeting of the poor and marginalised. You BASTARDS!”

But I go visit Lyn. She plasters on some drawing ointment and puts on a bandage. We hope it will get this small but irksome thing out of my back without me requiring surgical intervention.

Doctors are not doctors anymore. They haggle like hookers in a low rent marketplace. It’s humorous but astonishing. $100. Why do I go along with this? To survive? It’s nuts…People of Earth.

What would Boudiccea or Lagertha do? Hmmmm? Cut their own cysts out and cut off the heads of ignoble idiots with medical degrees that actually hate their patients.

Can we say “Post Covidian ZOMBIES?!” Complicit in genocide, now ruthlessly obfuscating their roles?! GovernMENTAL WHORES OF BABYLON!”

…

Waiting at Qld Transport to lodge my medical certificate. An elderly gent approaches me from the side. (Kinda outta nowhere!) He stands boldly in front of me. Looking down at me seated. Sweet smile on his face.

Says “You should get served real quick wearing that lovely dress! You look lovely”. I look up circumspectly…reply sanguinely “Thank you Kind Sir. That’s very charming of you!” With just a tiny tinge of “don’t fuck with me” in my eye. He shivers ever so slightly… moves on.

The admin officer seeing this (had earlier told me I need only wait 5 minutes)…calls me over. I tell him “You didn’t need to call out my number? Thank you for saving me from the predating older man! Will I even get out of here alive!”

We laugh. I tell him my non-Covidian vaccined ‘mones are driving them all wild. They don’t even have to see that I am actually not all that attractive. Just my scent is enough. I’m like a faery. We laughed again.

He tried to upsell me to pay my new license fees early. $200. I said I would need a few more weeks to gather that money together. Nice man. He tells me he sees the sexual predation when he’s out too. Women, with no dignity. I nodded. What a world!

…

I just debriefed with my worthy psychiatrist. He is just as shocked as I am at recent behaviours in the past few weeks. He said we need to document the sexual assault on the part of that woman two Friday nights ago. (24/25 January 2025).

I said I didn’t report it. Handled it myself. He worries it could escalate. Was she trying to dominate you? I said I think so, as she was lucidly telling with me and was clearly a straight woman so why would she suddenly twist into a monster that tries to plunge her fingers into my vagina?! It was extremely weird and chilling and inappropriate.

I told him about all the other crazy shit that has been going on in the past two weeks. He agreed I have only ever been heartfelt, genuine, loving, integral and transparent. He agreed with my decision to distance myself quietly and gently with grace.

He advised me to cancel the appointment with the malfeasant greedy haggling gp. Find someone else to treat me. I need to be safe.

5 February 2023

I had a lovely time at West End Drumming Circle. It was cooler by the Brisbane river, with a lovely breeze. A larger group of people attended so that was wonderful too.

5 February 2021

The female King Parrot is here. Glad to see her. I’ve only been seeing her mate lately. I was getting worried about her.

5 February 2020

…

Sunday night’s Tara Puja has wrought rather unusual spiritual attunements in my heart chakra. Which means I have made a damn fool of myself again. But all good. The angels know what I most need and want from life.

I will have to trust in their magnificent magical miraculous workings. They bring me back to Love. Reinvigorate me. Bring me bliss and that hagged creature called Hope. I find myself rather amused by it all.

I was really quite ill with asthma and yesterday with my gut. Purging all that no longer serves me and holding on dearly to the rest.

Strange existence...the life of The Tanya. But occasionally even I enjoy the ride or at least get curious about potential outcomes. May I merit the most beneficial outcome wrought by my spiritual healers from the purest highest Source of all life. I realised that I can’t do this alone after decades of evil sabotage and other viciousness. My heart is fragile even though it is glorious in its constant uprising.

So only the holy benevolent spirits that truly love me and have my back (and front!) can assist me with this relationship potential. I wonder how they will show me in no uncertain ways? Or is this just a delusion based on my long bout of ill health?

It’s probably a delusion. But I have only the love in my spirit to trust in. It’s intensely building inside me. I hope the One who is connected to me by heart and Mind and spirit can feel it too. I have waited eons. Seriously! Absurdist but seriously.

…

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/MvKmZeMedi8sNGj7/?mibextid=MOktm1

5 February 2019

1:27 pm finally out of bed for the day. I had a lovely afternoon and evening with Jarrod yesterday. Although my legs and feet ached for some weird reason.

So I rested today. I have a bit of asthma or impending chest infection which I am staving off. Hopefully it goes away without too much trouble.

It’s windy today. I have put Charlie outside but might have to bring him back indoors.

I wonder what magic we can manifest today? I have been feeling happier the past 2 weeks. It is such a relief, actually as it was awful being in that black abyss and not knowing how long I was gonna be under.

Life is a miracle. You never know what is about to rise and shine on any given day.

5 February 2018

Pain has been bad all day, especially the nerve signalling down my shinbone, like being played on by dwarvish ghouls with a xylophone.

So I took a teaspoon of magnesium powder that my beloved friend Julie brought me. Now slightly less jarring nerve pain. Although the horsekick in my lower back (tochas) and hip is still solidly aching. My body is a poorly tuned musical instrument in the cacophony section. Boom goes the Bassoon in the basement. A constant throb of hardarsed pain.

In my head I am singing out to the cosmos “heal me!” But all I get is Bubkes and snide superficial giggles. Yeah, whatever! Just you wait... you little daemons of pain and discomfort cos when I am better, there will be some arse-kicking of my own!

Mama T always.always.always. Gets up again. Always!

5 February 2017

I just skyped with my beautiful daughter. I feel a bit better. That and my little furry scaramouche boychik coming home. I no longer feel quite so distraught.

Crystal talked about going to Israel and Woofing or Working on a kibbutz at the end of the year (her UK visa expires in December. I have always dreamed of visiting Israel so I encouraged her to just do it. (Living vicariously through my kids as usual as my life is just so end-stage and utterly pointless).

She also wants to visit Prague. Hamburg, Poznan, Auschwitz, Warsaw, Krakow, Ouderkerk Am Der Amstel where my creepy weird concentration camp survivor stepfather came from (He was the only "grandfather" she knew). She will also visit Italy. She wants to spend a month in Italy and a few weeks in Israel. I hope she gets enough money together to do all these places.

Next week she is going to France. Paris! For Valentines Day! Awesome. I hope she finds love in the City of Love.

I wish my baby would come home (for entirely selfish reasons) but I am totally supportive of her spending the rest of this year in Europe and Israel, fully realising all her dreams.

5 February 2016

I just got back with Beauregard from his very first outing to the dog park behind my house. He was terrified. He made friends with an actual Maltese-Shitzu named Memphis (7 months old) and another 41/2 months old French Bulldog. He felt safe behind the fence in the small dog area. Memphis's owner, a friendly young guy, put him over the fence so he could play with Bobo but Bobo spent a fair bit of time running away.

My Bolshey cat and chicken chaser was not so tough encountering his own canine masters. Lmao!

Still it was only his first visit. He was amazed to see the forest behind me. A whole new world he didn't know existed. Now he has eaten dinner and having a rest.

5 February 2015

3.26 am have slept every few hours since Saturday might. Day 5 of breakdown but starting to feel 'happier'. My body is exhausted and just shuts down and my mind feels utterly on Turbo Speed, thrashing flashbacks and unpleasant memories left right and centre.

However tonight, under the glorious moon I felt this is for my highest good. A cleansing of old psychic garbage and attachments from false people. It is like draining a fetid Boil. The emotional pain really does drain out in fits and starts, then wells up again.

I have done this so many times before and each time feels like Dying.

I know I will come through this, clearer, sharper, wiser and triumphant in my own spirit.

Roll over, Mofos, Tanya is Back Up on her feet again...soon! Lmao!

5 February 2014

Weird sort of day, hot then showers, now I'm in a weird sort of mood. Don't know whether to laugh or cry, feel maudlin or celebrate? Almost my former mother's birthday, and the news from last week (Gila and finding out my father is alive) has finally sunk in and rattled my cage.

I am having a delayed reaction. This too, shall pass. Breathe in breathe out, expel negative energy, invite Light into my life. Come on, Baby Light my Fire. Ahem. Ok ran away with that one.

It’s almost Valentines Day so I’m going to the Anti-Valentines day party at the pub. I am thinking about dressing as a Toad as they want you to dress up as something or someone you love and hate.

I've kissed a lot of toads in the hope they might be decent guys, and well, I hate Toads. hahaah I would never let myself look that pathetic and ugly. Maybe I'll be just a woman who knows better. Myself! The most dangerous and exciting thing I can be for V Day.

5 February 2013

Chesty, raspy but dead sexy voice! Gotta focus on the positives lol.

5 February 2012

I spent a few hours talking to a guy online. Been talking to him since Dec. so asked for his phone number and he freaked so basically I've been talking to a time-wasting player! Lol! Lucky I have a life in real world or I'd be really upset right now!

It's a shame in a way, as I did like him. Oh well he is now deleted and blocked so can't keep playing me for a fool anymore! Where, oh where will I ever find a man who is not a lying cheating arsehole? Does such a man even exist for me? Ha!

5 February 2010

I visited my mother today. She seemed less deathly than she was last week so it was a great relief. She didn't seem to recognise Crystal or I though.

Copyright: Tanya Désirée Arons