Life on Furlough

Yep. My greatest fear just happened. I am on furlough!

I kept asking for at least three days and finally they gave an answer:

"Hello, it has been made aware that you have concerns about your employment, please find the letter attached" DUH! Who couldn't be concerned? Anyway, I filled the form and I am officially on furlough.

I am scared. And when I say “scared” I mean SCARED, A LOT! But, you know, I sat down with myself, my insecurities and all the fears I have due to the lack of fortune of not being born in a rich and wealthy family, and I wisely decided to take this opportunity to finally have the time to keep working on my projects. I am building my own business, and instead of waking up at 5am every morning, dealing with awful customers for eight hours, coming home and only then being able to work on it, now I will have one entire month of nothing but all the free time I want. I never had all this free time. So let's use it! I will work on my business, I will rebuild my whole life. I will take two courses to do a completely different job, I will keep having my classes to reach my life goal, I will finally have time to rehearse my play every time I want, I will workout without struggling because I am tired, I will write, I will paint... I WILL DO ANYTHING!

But then the Morning of the first day came. And I felt lost. Completely lost. I have never been so free, so.... at home and not around and not rushing. I don't know how to be. Where to be. What to do. But I have a plan and I have to respect it. I took my chair, in the kitchen, because I don't have an office or even a desk, I took my laptop and I was back in school again. I hated school. I hated wasting all that time! I was good, but that was because I didn't want to spend more time rotting in those buildings, you know. But, again, there is a higher purpose behind this course. I need to wait for my real life to start and I have to find a way that is not physically destructive and give me more stability and freedom. Even if I won't like it, I won't smell like coffee or spices all the time. And that is extremely positive!

The first course is quite boring and it's stupid, honestly, to have to study common sense stuff to be able to work in that position, but hey! I don't make the rules (unfortunately) so I push myself to keep going because I want to finish it as soon as I can. But I will make sure that in my company these stupid stereotypes won't exist. These types of things are the ones that I always wanted to change in my life, you know. Following stupid rules just because someone said so and people who truly deserve that role, position or prize can’ have it ONLY because someone came with a certifcate. Let’s start looking at the true capacities and not at pieces of paper, people! Will ya?

After dinner, for some reason, I fell asleep on my couch. Maybe I still need to rest for some excessive tiredness I hold from work. My hands are still broken and dry, maybe I really need to bring back pieces of me and a piece of a life sold or stolen, I still don't know.

Well.. now I have to go, but I will keep you updated.

Thank you for reading me,

G.