10 Things I like About Myself

Before we decided to get married, my partner asked me, “What are ten things you like about yourself?” I had to think hard because I am humble, and it is difficult for me to think about myself that way. Ask me about other people I know, and I will be able to give you the list of ten things I like about them and perhaps at least twenty things I don’t like about them, in no time. However, when it comes to myself, it is a strenuous mental exercise. Nevertheless, I will give it a try before our big day, just to show my partner how strongly committed I am.

So, here’s the list:

1. I am the most loyal person I know. Now that all my friends are turning away and betraying me, I value this quality in myself even more. I am loyal to my friends and family, my people, and my country. I am ready to give my life for them.
2. I am brilliant, and sometimes I marvel at how my mind works, if I can say so myself. Other people tell me I’m brilliant, or even a genius, all the time.
3. I have a great vision and goals for the future. My mind works like a map, I can easily zoom in and out to see both the big picture of events and small important details. Because of this, I am a great strategist, tactician, and planner. Most of my plans came true easily, too. No one would have been able to stop me from achieving my goals. Only betrayal has.
4. I love long walks alone. Not just for exercise. They allow me contemplating life, human existence, and thinking through my plans. I come up with most creative things on my walks. My partner tried to join me on them, but that would disrupt my process. My partner was upset at first but ultimately resigned in understanding. I’m a good persuader. Or dissuader, if you will.
5. I am humble and despise luxury. Extremely rich people irk me because I know where their wealth is coming from. I knew poverty and my success in life is all mine. I’ve built myself up and achieved everything on my own. At the same time, I like simple comfort in life, new inventions, and convenient understated clothing that people can’t put a price on if they don’t know it’s Hugo Boss.
6. Despite my age, I have an incredible stamina and endurance. I don’t need much sleep. When I was young, I could easily go on 4-5 hours of sleep a day. Even now, I never sleep more than 6 hours, and because I am a night owl, I go to bed at 6 am and wake up around noon. I usually have a short nap around 8 pm, but no one except for my partner and the closest circle knows about it. Because of my stamina, I can stay and party all night - a remarkable achievement given I don’t drink alcohol. At all. Much younger people always ask me how I can do it. I just smile at them.
7. I am a brilliant orator. I don’t even need to explain this, everyone knows how inspiring and moving I am in talking with large crowds. I love it, too, because I know I can mesmerize them into complete obedience. I feed and charge my mind on it. I like this power of mine very much.
8. I love animals. Not wild animals that I can’t control, but the domesticated animals, like horses, cats, and dogs. Sometimes I wish I was just a farmer with a simple life of taking care of his animals. But I know I couldn’t do that because I’d have to kill them for food and profit. I can’t stand killing defenseless innocent animals. I am a vegetarian because I love animals. When I eat something prepared for me, I always ask what it is made of and how, just to make sure there are no killed animals’ products in my meals.
9. I am creative and artistic. I love painting and would have made a great artist if it hadn’t been for those elite snobs at the Academy who’d decided I was mediocre. I know I’m talented, and that's enough. I would have loved to see their faces when they find out for how much my paintings would sell one day. Had they accepted me, my life would have turned out completely differently and until today, I was very grateful for that. But again, where we are today only happened because of my most trusted "friend’s" betrayal. Also, because I couldn’t make art, I became an avid art collector. People will never know how many famous paintings I have obtained that I can only admire in secret alone.
10. Despite the painful betrayals, I love people. I also love order and strongly believe that my people were destined to create the new order and keep it for eternity, overseeing the entire world. But some evil disloyal people have interrupted my noble plans.

I already came up with ten things. This was not as hard as I thought it would be. I could easily continue. But because I have done this per my partner’s request, I will only add one more: I am extremely devoted and loyal in love. I have only loved one woman in my life, and still love her. She was the first one to betray and leave me behind, but I still love her. I hope deep down E. knows my heart forever belongs to G.

I’m getting married in several hours because E. insisted. In her words, she doesn’t want to face God unmarried, as a woman who lived her life in sin. If only she knew that it’s not God she’d be facing. But I’ll be holding her hand if that gives her any comfort. I am ready.

***

Author’s note: I imagined this as the last entry in Adolf Hitler’s diary, dated April 28, 1945. "G." refers to Geli, or Angela Raubal, Hitler's niece who had been found in his apartment, dead by a gunshot, on September 18, 1931. Ron Hansen wrote a wonderfully researched book, "Hitler's Niece," exploring the possibility of an incestuous relationship. Around 2 am on April 29, 1945, Hitler would marry E. - Eva Braun - in the Führerbunker in a small ceremony officiated by a registrar of marriage who’d been plucked out from the Berlin defense line and sent back right after signing the Hitlers' marriage certificate. One day later, on April 30, the newly-wedded Hitlers committed suicide. He was 56, she – 33. April 20 was Hitler's birthday.

I wrote this for two reasons:

(1) Every villain is a hero in their own story. I wanted to explore how Hitler could have thought of himself if asked by someone else. In no way this is meant to glorify or justify him. Please read it as satire.

(2) There's a new exciting challenge from Rick Henry Christopher for the Humans Community. As a judge, I won't be able to participate but wanted to see if a variation of a challenge story could be written for the Journal Community.