Things I'm Thankful for as a True Crime Fan This Holiday Season

Thanksgiving is upon us, and that means we hear Mariah's All I Want for Christmas on every radio station known to man, and we’re all more thankful for life and all that it’s given us than we tend to be at other times of the year. While everyone shows their gratitude for Grammy's mac n’ cheese, their good health, friends, and family, I'm over here showing extra appreciation for my love of true crime, knowing I’ll never be the star of an ID Channel show.

True crime fans appreciate family, friends, good health, and happiness as much as the next person. We also find the little things gratitude-worthy. What are the things I’m grateful for as a true crime fan? Glad you asked.

• My Couch: Hearing victims tell their stories on my favorite true crime shows touches my heart. Hearing the despicable acts human beings are capable of is chilling. Both keep me in the house, on the couch, cuddled with the cats, thankful that I’m perfectly content with a simple, boring life of entertaining and educational TV.
• I’m Not a Criminal: I've always known my heart is too big to hurt other people, but true crime has taught me that I'm far too law-abiding, clumsy, and scary to switch to the other side. Unless getting caught and going to jail is the goal, I should never commit a crime nor be an accomplice. Plus, if the judge even hints at the idea of 10+ days in jail, I’m snitching on every damn body.
• I'm a Wussy: Thankful that I’m a wussy, terrified of prison inmates, correctional officers, locked doors, and loss of freedom. The idea of living with a killer, molester, or a lady who loves whoopin' ass for fun scares me beyond words. I don't put myself in situations that could get me locked up, nor do I hang with the wrong crowd. They scare me, too. Chicken shit? Wussy? Coward? Sure, but it's effective. Point fingers, laugh, and call me names. Bach-bach, baby. I'm cool like that.
• My Brain: Look, I'm no Sir Isaac Newton; my brain proves a person can be dumb and smart at the same time. But I do have enough thinking power to treat people kindly, work hard, and keep my ass out of prison.  I know my role, Jabroni, and it's clocking in to a 9 5, not committing crimes or doing time. For that, I am eternally grateful.
• I'm not Impulsive: Criminals act on impulse, and we all know impulsiveness is the devil. I create an entire blueprint before engaging in any serious activity, weighing the pros and cons of my decisions. It's really wild to know so many people act on impulse and commit horrific acts. Thankful I'm not one of them.  
• I'm Not Angry & Can Laugh it Off: Anger is a normal emotion when handled correctly. The problem is that the emotion is strong and many people cannot control it. Angry people do things they later regret, and sometimes that involves hurting people. Pissing me off takes a lot of hard work, as I refuse to allow others to dictate my emotions. In my eyes, nothing is ever serious enough to take me to a mental level that later requires police intervention. I'm blessed to be laid back, calm, and no, I don't want the smoke. I can laugh it off, knowing prison orange isn't my color. Unless it involves my life or my children, it’s not a big deal to me.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for family, good health, and good food, but also leave room for things so often taken for granted. I'm blessed to have the mind and mentality to know that watching my true crime shows from the comfort of my sofa with my cat curled up in my lap is much better than serving 20 to life. For someone constantly immersed in evil, I am forever grateful for these little things.