The MAGA Rulebook: 50 Commandments of the Cult (Uncensored Edition)
The MAGA(t) Bible
I. Core Principles
1. Never admit you're wrong. Admitting fault is weakness. Weakness is treason.
2. Lie about anything and everything. Even if the truth works, lie anyway. The lie is the point.
3. If you're caught lying, lie more. If pressed, accuse them of gaslighting you.
4. For the love of God, LIE. Lying is not a tactic. It’s an identity.
5. The truth is whatever Dear Leader says right now. Don’t worry about yesterday. History resets hourly.
6. Alternate facts are real facts. Mainstream facts are communist plots.
7. Every investigation is a witch hunt. Unless it targets your enemies — then it's justice.
8. Freedom of speech means you're free to say anything. Others criticizing you is censorship.
9. Projection is your shield. Always accuse them of exactly what you’re doing.
10. Only elections you win are legitimate. Losing = fraud. Period.
II. Patriotism (MAGA-Style)
11. The flag is sacred. Unless you're making merch — then slap it on beer cozies, bikinis, and flip-flops.
12. The military exists to serve your politics. Veterans are props, unless they criticize you — then they're traitors.
13. You love the police. Until they enforce laws against you — then they're corrupt.
14. You love America. Except blue states. And cities. And universities. And minorities. And immigrants.
15. Patriotism means screaming at school board meetings. And packing heat while you do it.
16. The Constitution means whatever you say it means. You don't have to read it. Fox will tell you what it says.
17. Founding Fathers were basically MAGA before MAGA. Even though most of them would have hung you for sedition.
18. Freedom means doing whatever you want. Responsibility is socialism.
III. Media & Information
19. Only your media is real media. Everything else is fake news, even if it's videotaped.
20. Memes are facts. Facebook is your university.
21. Experts are elitist liars. Unless they say what you already believe.
22. Science is a conspiracy. Except when it can be used to sell supplements.
23. History is what you feel like it was. If it makes you uncomfortable, ban the books.
24. Critical thinking is unpatriotic. Blind loyalty is virtue.
IV. Social Order
25. Christianity means rage, vengeance, and owning the libs. Turn the other cheek? Never heard of it.
26. Jesus votes Republican. Despite literally everything he said.
27. Women exist to serve. Careful though: pretend you're protecting them while stripping their rights.
28. Gay people are an agenda. Unless it’s your favorite closeted pundit — then it’s private.
29. Trans people are an existential threat. Even though you didn’t care 5 minutes ago.
30. White grievance is holy. Diversity is oppression.
V. Economics
31. Every billionaire is self-made. Unless they're liberal — then they're globalist cabal members.
32. Welfare is theft. Unless it's your tax break, farm subsidy, PPP loan, or Medicare.
33. The free market is sacred. Unless it bans you — then it's censorship.
34. Unions are communism. Except police unions.
35. Trickle-down economics works. The trickle just hasn’t started yet — but any day now!
VI. Conflict & Control
36. Being armed makes you moral. The bigger the gun, the purer the patriot.
37. Civil war cosplay is normal. MAGA hats are uniforms; trucks are tanks.
38. Intimidation is free speech. Accountability is tyranny.
39. Protests are violent riots — unless it’s your protest. Then it’s 'legitimate political discourse.'
40. Law and order means ordering your enemies around. The law is flexible.
41. If you're losing, change the rules. If that fails, storm the Capitol.
VII. The Cult Mentality
42. Dear Leader is never wrong. If he contradicts himself, you're wrong.
43. Grievance is your love language. You’re always under attack. Always. Period.
44. Victimhood is strength. Cry oppression while holding absolute power.
45. Anyone who disagrees is an enemy of America. Or a pedophile. Or both.
46. Your team is perfect. Any failure is sabotage.
47. Never forgive. Never forget. Never compromise. Compromise is surrender.
48. Facts are optional. Loyalty is mandatory. Your feelings are evidence.
49. When all else fails: scream “Hunter Biden!” Or “Hillary!” — whichever plays better.
50. The cult is forever. If you leave, you're dead to us. Literally.
About the Creator
Jeff Olen
Husband and father living (currently) in California. As a software engineer I spent most of my career in Telecom and Healthcare. Then I found my calling in the video game industry. Still want to write sci-fi but we’ll see.
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By Sandor Szabo2 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
This made me laugh and cry...because I knew the list could be longer.