The Canadian soccer drone scandal

Memo to all Canadians: let’s pool all our savings — if we have such funds in these economically challenged times — and buy as many gull darn drones we can. Send out social media posts, asking for as many people as possible traveling to Paris. Or, France. Or, even: Europe. Have them drop the drones off as close to the Canadian team as they can, and ask the nice person sitting at the security guard sitting in the security guard house — who, I sincerely hope, is wearing a Canadian red and white T-shirt and sipping a Timmy’s double double. A large one, of course.

Tell the guard to get the drones — and for goodness sake, I hope there are enough for everyone — to all the Canadian coaches with events remaining. Everyone, that is, except Summer MacIntosh, the 17-year-old aquatic goddess who can’t do anything wrong in the pool. She doesn’t need a drone, or any other type of superstition. And let’s be honest here, Grampa. This idea is all about superstitions. You could even, I think, squeeze in the word trends. That, admittedly, is a stretch. But, when it comes to winning, and winning at such a prestigious world athletic showcase, one that only graces out presence every four years, you do, alas, whatever it takes.

Drones. They occupy much of the Canadian Olympic’s news coverage — and, for all the wrong reasons. The Canadian women’s soccer team was caught for using a drone in a risky game of peek-a-boo in spying on one of their opponents’ practice. Not cool. The sanctions anct on the soccer team and its coaches were severe. We recognize that. And we support that, absolutely.

But … have you seen how the Canadian soccer women are doing? They won, Wednesday. One-nothing over Columbia. Ottawa’s Vannessa Gillies used her head, literally, to preserve the nail-biter victory, scoring the match’s lone goal, improving Canada to a 3-0 record, setting the table for a Canada-Germany quarter-final. Beyond impressive, one would quickly discern, for the Olympic champs, who had their head coach and two others sent back to Canada — and had other penalties handed out by FIFA, the international soccer body.

The cynical side of me conjured this idea that, if the soccer woman used a drone and got caught, the tool of the deed — a drone — certainly didn’t impair their on-field performance. In fact, it may have very well been a source of motivation … that despite the act, being publicly shamed and scorned on the world’s stage, and then being penalized points by FIFA, they were bound and determined to make Canada proud. And if having a drone investigation works for one sport, well, surely it would work for another. Wishful thinking and misguided ideas.

My good friend Fraser Armstrong and I go to a Canadian Football League game, once, every 50 years. I’m serious. The last one we went to was 1974. So, we went to an Edmonton Elks game on the weekend when the standal was just breaking. The Canadian flag was being unrolled from the northeast end of Commonwealth Stadium just as O Canada was sung. “Look at that flag,” Fraser said in his gentle but authoritative voice. ‘That’s the flag of a country that cheats. And I’m embarrassed of it — something, I never thought I would say.”

It made me think. And, so here we are: 557 words into a journalistic journey which I honestly hoped would be funny. Perhaps, it was … for a few seconds. Fraser’s point, however, isn’t. We need to accept what has been done and move on. It was wrong.

And there’s nothing funny about that.