How I wanted to buy the Edmonton Elks

I guess the cheque bounced. Reports coming from TSN’S Canadian Football League insider Dave Naylor — the guy with more connections than Telus and Rogers, combined — says the Edmonton Elks are close to naming its first owner in their 75th year.

Quite the anniversary gift.

The news strikes a personal note, indeed. I was interested in buying the Elks and had, what I thought, was a damn good proposal. I thought my financing was secure. Maybe, my bank didn’t get the memo to increase my overdraft.

But being the community guy I am, and remembering the wonderful lesson of sharing my mother taught me when I was six years old — my sister Joan dearly wanted some of my chocolate ice cream cone — Mom and the importance of sharing, I’m going to give you a few of my ideas.

The new owner is more than welcome to use them.

First, the name. No more double E. Let’s make it tripIe E. The new name would be the Edmonton Elk Eskimos.

There you go!

And speaking of Elks, I’d have training camp and practices at Elk Island Park, just to show I’m respecting the name Elks. Having rode buses with junior hockey teams, I know the value of team bonding. So we’ll find a great bus charter company

There you go!

I openly admit I do not know if Elks can survive in the same cold weather as the Eskimos. But … global warming, right? And: think of the potential environmentalists season ticket holders their could be.

And there’s more: consider, if you will, the marking technique. “Come see the Triple E: Excitement. Entertainment. Endzone.”

My friend Rick LeLacheur is interim CEO and president. Under my plan there are two CEO’s. One honorary CEO. And one working CEO.

I can’t think of a better 90th — that’s right, 90th, August 19th — birthday gift for Bryan Hall, who has been broadcasting the EEE — let’s call them that, just for fun ‘cause I like the name — since … forever?

Not only does Hall deserve it, think of the wisdom he could share with the acting CEO.

Who would that be, you ask?

Sports 1440 morning man Kevin Karius. The EEE needs someone who knows what it takes to get the message out there, and someone who knows the CFL.

Besides, if the EEE needs a cash infusion, they could have — not sure what to call them — concerts of Karius and Hall discussing things: just like they did on ITV and Global Television.

Very entertaining. So why not make a few bucks on it to pay down the reported $22 million deficit.

And, I thought I had overdraft issues. (Overdraft? Wonder if it was ever a form of beer?)

On the football side of things, I would give interim coach Darius Jackson a long-term contract. The man, I think, deserves a chance. Same train of thought for GM Geroy Simon: the hinges on the GM and coaches doors are almost kaput from swinging because the club has not had either of those positions have had much stability.

I want to establish the EEE Community Foundation. Not right now, of course. But when the EEE has their bank account in order. The EEE Community Foundation would fund minor football programs to help build up and coming local football players — young Edmontonians to grow up to become part of the EEE. Marketing 101, right? The EEECF would establish a scholarship fund for the University of Alberta football program to, again, generate some traction in the Edmonton football community. And, we’re going to have some fun: fund a young person in Edmonton to create a CFL video game. Internet searches indicate such a video game has not been produced because of lack of funds. The buck starts … right here. And, by doing so, young Canadians have the opportunity to be engaged in the CFL.

And finally, I would buy a real fire truck — like the Elks used to have, instead of a miniature one — to run around Commonwealth Stadium after an Edmonton touchdown.

I have a few more ideas. But, I have to go.

I see I have a voicemail from the bank.

Could it, maybe, be about my overdraft issue?

Read Cam Tait’s column in on edmontonsun.com, listen to The 2-Minute Warning with Cam Tait on sports1400.ca, and read his work with the davidfosterfoundation.com