Funny
How to Survive a Family Gathering Without Losing Your Mind
Ah, family gatherings. That magical time when relatives you haven’t seen since the last solar eclipse gather under one roof to eat, shout, laugh, and ask you questions that make you question your life choices. If you’ve ever walked into a family get-together feeling confident—and left with mild trauma and a missing Tupperware—you’re not alone. This guide will walk you through everything you need to barely survive your next family reunion with your sanity (and snack plate) intact. --- 1. Prepare for the Interrogation Room The moment you walk in, some well-meaning (read: nosy) relative will launch a full investigation into your personal life. Get ready for: “So, what are you doing with your life?” “Still single? Why?” “When are you getting married?” “When are you giving us grandchildren?” “Have you gained weight or is that just happiness?” Pro Tip: Wear sunglasses indoors and pretend you’ve become spiritually enlightened and can’t answer earthly questions. --- 2. Secure Your Snacks Early You have approximately 7 minutes from the start of the event before your favorite food items disappear into your cousin's bottomless stomach. Uncles will camp near the sweets like it's a Black Friday sale, and aunties will keep the good stuff "for later." Pro Tip: Casually walk into the kitchen and “offer to help serve,” then sneak your plate behind the microwave. Retrieval is a solo mission—use stealth. --- 3. The Cousin Comparison Game No matter what you’ve achieved, there will always be a cousin who “just became a doctor-engineer-astronaut-businessman,” and somehow also owns a startup and a wife who makes 5-layer cakes. Pro Tip: Nod politely, then fake a phone call from Elon Musk. Loudly say, “Sorry, I can’t join the Mars mission this year, my mom made biryani.” --- 4. The Baby Photo Blackmail Somewhere in the middle of the gathering, your mother or an aunt will pull out your most embarrassing baby photo. Usually naked. Usually during dinner. Pro Tip: Distract them with a fake medical emergency. “Uncle Shafiq is choking on a samosa!” Then delete the photo when everyone rushes over. --- 5. Surviving the Kids’ Attack Children at family events are either sugar-fueled tornadoes or quiet saboteurs. They will ruin your clothes, steal your phone, and ask questions like “Why do you look like that?” Pro Tip: Wear dark clothes, fake sleep, or bring a decoy phone filled with cursed videos like “How Cement is Made – Part 12.” --- 6. Auntie Gossip Hour (a.k.a. Live News) If CNN ever loses its ratings, it should hire your aunties. They know who’s getting divorced, who failed their exam, who dyed their hair red, and who was seen at a restaurant with someone not named "spouse." Pro Tip: Nod like you care, but slowly back away and pretend you just remembered the biryani is burning. --- 7. Crying, dancing, and music moments At some point, someone will turn on music, and your 50-year-old uncle will start dancing like it's 1997. Someone will shout “You used to dance so well as a child, show us!” Pro Tip: Fake an injury. Limp dramatically and claim “old football wound.” If asked to sing, say you’ve taken a vow of silence. --- 8. Escape Plan The event is wrapping up, but you’re not free yet. You must: Avoid helping with dishes without being labeled “lazy.” Escape with your Tupperware. Thank every adult personally or face lifelong grudge. Pro Tip: Create an emergency exit group chat with your siblings or allies. Use code phrases like “Operation Papadum” to coordinate exit. --- 9. Debrief & Recovery You’ve made it home. You smell like 7 types of curry and emotional damage. Sit back, scroll your phone, and prepare your social media post: > “Great time with the fam today! So much love and laughter!” (It’s all lies, but they’ll believe it.) --- Final Thoughts Family gatherings are chaotic, loud, and occasionally traumatic. But they're also full of memories, weird inside jokes, and people who’d fight a lion for you (or at least throw a slipper). So next time you're summoned, go prepared, stay sharp, and always, always guard your snacks with your life.
By Abraham Lopez9 months ago in Humor
The Medieval Madness Dash
Today, I took a detour on the way back from campus because of a call from my frantic sister-in-law. She had been invited to a medieval-themed party and needed to do some last-minute dress shopping. She’d been putting it off for quite a while, but the party was today at 4:00 PM.
By Staringale9 months ago in Humor
The Great Yard Sale Wars of Maple County.
Every neighborhood has a neighbor. Edna Mae Ferguson was there in Maple County, Ohio. Edna Mae was the yard sale queen—she was the unrestrained Empress. She topped every spring with shelves of color-coded bric-a-brac sold sensibly and advertised "free coffee with every $10 purchase." Nobody ever figured out how she did it, and she always seemed to have tons of stuff to sell. Either in gathering some or a fence for the second-hand store a block away, people would use to gossip. The whole lot of yard sales in bulk just in order to net a quarter resale, others suspected. Unrelenting. On the whole, in lighthearted jest, that could be grist for mockery throughout Maple County, stakes were high this year.
By Pen to Publish9 months ago in Humor
The Crazy Kite-Flying Fiasco
Hi, I’m Emma! I’m 10 years old, and I love sunny days because that’s when we get to do fun stuff outside. Last spring, my family decided to fly kites in the park, and it turned into the goofiest day ever! My little brother Jack, who’s 6, my Mom, my Dad, my cousin Mia, who’s 9, and our silly cat Whiskers came along. We thought it’d be a breeze—pun intended!—but the wind had other plans. Grab a snack, because this story is full of laughs!
By Fahad Ghani9 months ago in Humor
The Backyard Campout Chaos
Hey, I’m Max! I’m 11 years old, and I love adventures—especially when they go totally bonkers! Last summer, my family decided to camp out in our backyard. It was supposed to be a fun night under the stars with my little sister Lily, who’s 7, my Mom, my Dad, our goofy dog Bingo, and even my Aunt Sue, who’s always up for something wild. But instead of a peaceful campout, it turned into the silliest mess ever! Grab a marshmallow, and let me tell you what happened!It all started when Dad said, “Let’s camp in the backyard! It’ll be easy and fun!” Mom loved the idea because we wouldn’t have to drive anywhere, and Lily shouted, “Yay! We can roast marshmallows!” I was excited too—I imagined sleeping in a tent, telling ghost stories, and eating s’mores. Aunt Sue, who was visiting, clapped her hands and said, “Count me in! I haven’t camped since I was a kid!” Even Bingo wagged his tail, like he knew something fun was coming.We dragged out our old tent from the garage. It was a big blue one with poles and ropes, but it smelled a little like wet socks. “It’s fine,” Dad said, shaking it out. “We’ll air it out!” Mom grabbed sleeping bags, Lily found her flashlight, and I helped carry the cooler full of hot dogs and snacks. Aunt Sue brought a guitar, saying, “Every campout needs music!” We set up in the backyard, right under our big oak tree. The sun was setting, and it looked like the perfect night—until we tried to put up the tent.Dad opened the tent bag, and a million pieces spilled out—poles, stakes, ropes, and a crumpled instruction sheet. “No problem,” he said, scratching his head. “I’ve got this!” But five minutes later, the tent looked like a floppy pancake. Lily giggled and said, “It’s a blob, not a tent!” Aunt Sue tried to help by holding a pole, but she tripped over a rope and fell into the tent fabric, yelling, “I’m trapped!” We all laughed as she wiggled out, her hair full of grass.Finally, after lots of arguing and giggling, we got the tent standing—sort of. It leaned to one side, but Dad said, “It’s good enough!” We tossed our sleeping bags inside and started a fire in the little fire pit. Mom skewered hot dogs, and Lily roasted a marshmallow—except she held it too close and it caught fire! She waved it around, screaming, “Help! It’s a fireball!” Dad grabbed it and blew it out, but not before the gooey mess landed on Bingo’s nose. Bingo licked it off, looking confused, and we all cracked up.Then it was time for ghost stories. I went first, telling one about a spooky shadow in the woods. Lily hugged her knees and said, “Is it real?” Aunt Sue made it funnier by whispering, “Ooooh, the shadow’s coming… for your marshmallows!” We were laughing so hard—until Bingo barked at nothing and ran circles around the tent. “He’s chasing the shadow!” Lily said, and we lost it again.After snacks, we decided to sleep. We crawled into the tent—Mom, Dad, Lily, me, Aunt Sue, and Bingo, who insisted on squeezing in. It was crowded, and Bingo kept stepping on my legs. “Move over, Bingo!” I said, but he just flopped down and started snoring. Then Lily whispered, “I hear something!” We all froze. Scratch, scratch, scratch. It was coming from outside the tent! “It’s the shadow!” she squeaked. Dad peeked out and laughed. “It’s just a raccoon sniffing our cooler!” Sure enough, a fat raccoon waddled off with a hot dog bun in its mouth.We settled back down, but then the real trouble started. In the middle of the night, I woke up because my sleeping bag was wet. “Ugh, what’s this?” I groaned. Aunt Sue sat up and yelled, “The tent’s leaking!” A big raindrop plopped on her forehead. Yep, it was raining—hard! The tent’s “good enough” roof had holes, and water dripped everywhere. Lily shouted, “My pillow’s a sponge!” Mom tried to cover us with a blanket, but it soaked through too.Dad jumped up to fix it, saying, “I’ll put the tarp over the tent!” He ran outside in his pajamas, but it was dark and slippery. We heard a splat and a loud “Whoa!” Mom peeked out and gasped, “He fell in the mud!” We looked, and there was Dad, covered in goo, holding the tarp like a soggy superhero. Aunt Sue laughed so hard she snorted, and Lily said, “He’s a mud monster now!”But the chaos wasn’t over. Bingo, excited by the noise, bolted out of the tent and jumped on Dad, getting mud all over both of them. Then the wind picked up, and the tent started shaking. One of the ropes snapped, and the whole thing sagged like a melting snowman. “Abandon ship!” Aunt Sue yelled, grabbing her guitar. We all scrambled out, slipping in the mud, as the tent collapsed into a wet heap.By now, we were soaked, muddy, and laughing like crazy. Mom said, “Let’s just go inside!” So we grabbed what we could—sleeping bags, the cooler, Aunt Sue’s guitar—and ran for the house. Bingo shook mud all over the kitchen, and Lily slipped again, landing on her butt with a squelch. Dad looked at us, dripping and giggling, and said, “Well, that was a campout to remember!”We dried off with towels, made hot cocoa, and sat by the heater. Aunt Sue played a silly song on her guitar about “the night the tent went splat,” and we sang along, even Bingo, who howled like he was part of the band. The next morning, we looked at the backyard—the tent was a muddy puddle, the fire pit was a soup bowl, and raccoon tracks were everywhere. “What a disaster!” Mom said, but she was smiling.We didn’t get a peaceful campout, but we got something better—a story we still laugh about. Lily drew a picture of Dad as the mud monster, and we hung it on the fridge. Now, every summer, we talk about “the backyard campout chaos” and wonder if we should try again. Dad says, “Next time, we’re checking the weather!” But I think the mess was the best part. Perfect nights are boring—silly ones are the ones you never forget!
By Fahad Ghani9 months ago in Humor
Meet My Family: A Walking, Talking Comedy Show
Families come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of loudness—but mine? We’re like a sitcom that never got canceled. I don’t know whether we should be on TV or under observation, but one thing’s for sure: we’ve turned everyday life into a full-blown comedy routine.
By Leesh lala9 months ago in Humor
Anesthesiologist Jokes: Laughing Through the Pain-Free Zone
Anesthesiologists may be known for their serious work in the operating room, but behind the scrubs, they’re just like any other professional—ready to share a laugh. Whether you’re a medical professional, a patient, or just someone who appreciates a good laugh, these anesthesiologists jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
By JokeJester9 months ago in Humor
