Nothing about Australia is normal!

“Gidday mate!”

“Howzit goin'?”

These would be typical greetings you might receive when arriving on the fair shores of the land of Oz. Not to be confused with the Wizard of OZ, Australia is populated by a breed of animal called Aussies. Some people think the typical Aussie, if there is one, is weirder than the Wizard of Oz characters.

Struth - Nothing about Australia is normal!

The country

Australia is the sixth-largest country in the world, after Russia, Canada, China, the USA, and Brazil. At 7,688,287 km² (2,968,464 sq mi), it accounts for just five percent of the world's land area of 149,450,000 km².

It is also the smallest, flattest, and second-driest continent. It is a very confusing place. It is an island, a country, and a continent all in one.

It stands out in a picture from space because it looks like someone took a giant bite out of its bum!

Geologists say this happened due to plate movement when it split away from other Asian Pacific countries. It’s no coincidence that this area has sharp cliffs dropping into the ocean. This area is known as the Great Australian Bight (funny spelling, right?), which hosts some of the largest populations of white pointer sharks globally.

Maybe it was a giant prehistoric shark that got a bit too adventurous; who knows?

The Animals

Australia also has not only some of the deadliest but also some of the weirdest animals in the world. Safe to say, there are three types – deadly, weird, and sheep.

Australia has more than its fair share of venomous snakes; there are between 100 and 145. These include both land and marine types. Overall, Australia has over 200 or 220 snake species. That's more than 50%. It includes the Inland Taipan and the Eastern Brown Snake. Both are among the most venomous snakes in the world.

Spiders are not much better. In Australia, there are about 10,000 spider species. Only a few are venomous, but those few can be very dangerous. Funnel-web spiders, Redback spiders, and white-tailed spiders can make you wish you hadn’t crossed their paths.

Above ground, Australia has a unique range of weird animals as well. Australia developed as an island around 300 million years ago. Some animals became so specialized to the rugged land that they are unique to Australia.

We all know kangaroos and wallabies, the cute koala, and the sneaky dingoes (who steal babies). Over 80% of our plants, mammals, reptiles, and frogs are unique to Australia. You can’t find them anywhere else in the world.

Two notable animals are the platypus and the wombat. The platypus lives in mountain streams. The wombat, on the other hand, resembles a small Sherman tank.

The Platypus is a unique creature. It has an otter-like tail and a duck-like beak. It lays eggs like a chicken. Its feet are webbed like a frog's. Also, it finds prey like an electric eel.

These amazing little creatures have a deadly spike at the back of their hind legs. All Australian animals have some way to defend themselves.

Speaking of which, the wombat is like a mini Sherman tank. It digs burrows all day to hide in until it comes out to feed at night. Digging in the tough Australian red dirt builds arm muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger's. These little guys can send cars into a spin without flinching when they wander onto the roads.

Trying to stop their forward motion as they bite your calves with teeth like a horse is impossible. The best defense - RUN!

The beaches of Australia are among the best in the world. The issue is that various animals have taken over these areas as their homes. This is bad for humans. Some of these include man-eating sharks, stunning stinging jellyfish, and tiny, bright octopuses.

While there are about 20 shark attacks annually, they are often spotted at popular tourist beaches in Australia.

The Box Jellyfish has long tentacles that can sting quickly and fatally. In just minutes, its venom acts. The tiny Irukandji jellyfish is nearly invisible but can cause serious problems. It leads to deadly symptoms known as Irukandji syndrome.

The blue-ringed octopus is a small, brightly colored little guy that would be ideal for a child to pick up. They are highly venomous, and their bite, though often painless, can be fatal.

The final group of animals that we won't mention in detail is sheep. 75 to 79 million of them support the Austrian agricultural industry. That's three times the number of people.

That may seem a lot, but it is not as bad as Australia's arch-rivals across the Tasman Sea in New Zealand. They have five sheep for every human.

Reminds me of a joke about sheep in New Zealand:

Q: Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest racehorses in the world?

A: Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep.

True Blue Aussies

The first Australians were the Indigenous people. They came from Asia around 65,000 years ago and adapted to the tough terrain. They lived on grubs, nuts, plants, and any strange animal that stayed still long enough to be hit with a stick.

Purely by chance, an Englishman stumbled across the great southern land. The English decided that this would be a reasonable place to send convicts as a form of punishment.

The English created conflict. They were good at lying, cheating, and stealing land from the natives so that they could grow crops. Their initial efforts were doomed. It took them a few years to work out that the seasons were all back to front in the land down under.

The Indigenous people ran back to the Red Centre, and then civilization grew quickly (sort of!).

If you venture into the Australian outback, you will have a better chance of spotting a true-blue Aussie. They usually wear blue shorts and a blue singlet, a pair of thongs (also known as flip-flops in some countries). They also look like a well-done potato from hours in the harsh sun.

You will pick them when they talk because they're always negative.

“Hello, how are you?” - “Not bad.”

“How far is it to the next town?” – “Not far.”

“Is the road ahead good?” – “Not bad.”

You will also have to navigate Australian slang, not just in the outback but also in suburbia. That is a whole different story, though, for the next time.

So, if you go to Australia and explore the bushland, treat all snakes and spiders as dangerous. Also check under the toilet seat (for redbacks) and in your shoes. Never try to pat a wombat or pick a fight with a kangaroo. If you do find a true-blue Aussie, reverse everything he says. Never tell him the beer is no good or too cold, and if he asks, “What do you think of our country, eh?” the only answer is “best [insert local swear word] country in the world."

Apart from that, it is a beautiful country.

Till next time,

Calvin.