Introducing the Thought Transcribe Tool™

Have you ever noticed you write your best work in your head before you fall asleep?

Do you lie awake in bed for ages, writing full, award-winning stories in your mind, only to find you’ve forgotten almost everything when you wake up?

Well, never again.

Introducing the Thought Transcribe Tool™

Now all those random thoughts that pop into your mind at night can be transcribed in real time, and turned directly into a document.

How it Works

Simply insert the earbuds into your ears. Plug the USB cable into the USB port on your computer. Open the Thought Transcribe Tool™ writing program and you’re good to go. While the earbuds are inserted, all thoughts will be harvested by the machine using special invasive Thought Extraction Technology™.

Our software is powered by Beginners Expert™ machinery, designed for people who don’t know what they’re doing, but just keep fumbling through until it somehow works.

This creative contraption has been developed by experts in sleep-time nonsense thoughts and brain-to-text automation. They’ve been working around the clock to turn your brain babble into legible stories… well, stories. You still need to make them legible.

The device records all thoughts, so editing is required… once you wake up, of course. You’ll need to remove those not-quite-awake, not-quite-asleep thoughts such as:

“What if my breakfast could talk to me? Would it be angry I’m eating it… or grateful for the service?”

Or who knows, maybe those thoughts will end up being so genius, you’ll include them in your story.

Perfect For

Anyone who’s ever had a thought after they climb into bed.

You’ll never lose another Top Story in your mind again, plus, you can also get your shopping list done.

Disclaimers

This machine is imaginary and hasn’t been invented yet.

Side effects may include: several Top Stories on Vocal, a new appreciation for breakfast foods and multiple shopping lists.

Thoughts are not included, you need to come up with them on your own.

Bonus Features That Can Be Added at Extra Cost

A Scenario Assessor, which will allow you to replay that awkward situation you had at work over and over again. It will help you come up with the perfect useless comeback for a moment that’s already passed and no one, except you, can remember.

Spellcheck Disorientation. Just like a Word document, this allows your transcribed text to switch between British/Australian and US English before you even realise… or is it realize?

Fart Filter. Sometimes the Thought Transcribe Tool™ can’t distinguish internal thoughts from audible noises. The Fart Filter will filter out all sleep farts to avoid them being transcribed as “>>>>>” in your document.

Testimonial — Yes, there’s only one

Sandy G: As a parent, I can now use my unconscious time, also called “me time,” to be productive too.

How can I get my Hands on One of These Babies?

The Thought Transcribe Tool™ is predicted to be invented sometime in the distant future. We are currently working on inventing a time machine so we can travel through time to retrieve it.

In the meantime, you can purchase our Thought Transcribe™ Manual Writing Kit. This innovative kit contains a long, cylindrical scribing tool and a book-like implement filled with blank pages for manual data input.

As ideas come to you, simply use the tool to record your thoughts inside the implement.

It’s perfect for keeping by your bedside so you can sit up every time you have a thought and write it all down manually.

Since our Thought Transcribe ™ Manual Writing Kit has been developed with the latest technology, we have set the recommended retail price at $99.99.

A total steal for technology this advanced.