Bad Drivers: A Field Guide to Vehicular Villainy

🚦 Exhibit A: Roundabouts – The Bermuda Triangle of Traffic

The instant certain drivers approach a roundabout, their brains reboot. All sense of direction and purpose evaporates, replaced by pure panic. It’s like watching a flock of birds get flash-banged by a solar flare:

• One goes left.
• One goes right.
• One just stops in the middle like it’s a museum exhibit.
• Meanwhile, Karen’s SUV enters orbit.

A roundabout is designed to simplify traffic. Instead, it becomes: "Thunderdome on Asphalt." (echoing down the hallway)

🛣️ Exhibit B: Exit Ramp Panic Attacks

Few things strike fear into the heart like missing an exit. Logical solution? Take the next one... Bad driver solution? SLAM BRAKES. REVERSE ON FREEWAY. Because clearly, if you miss that exit, it’s gone forever. Vanished. Erased from maps, history, and possibly time itself.

Nothing says “my life choices are questionable”, like reversing 60mph while honking at people honking at you.

💡 Exhibit C: The No-Signal Ninjas

These warriors of chaos have discovered a way to weaponize surprise. Left turn? Right turn? Lane change? Who knows! It’s a fun game called Guess Where I’m Going.

Apparently, turn signals must be paid for separately at dealerships because these people REFUSE to use them. If you ask them why, they’ll say:

“I knew where I was going.”

So did the Titanic, buddy. Didn’t help...

🛑 Exhibit D: Drive-By-Braille

Some drivers steer not by sight, but by sound. We here at The Pompous Post, affectionately call it "Driving by Brail". They drift lazily until ka-thunk-thunk-thunk... the road reflectors remind them where the lane is. Congratulations, you’re playing Blind Man’s Bluff at 70mph. It’s like sonar, except instead of a dolphin, it’s Greg in his Kia Rio.

👵 Exhibit E: Granny Over-the-Wheel

Bless their souls, but some grannies drive with only 4% visibility. From outside the car, you see two knuckles and a tuft of blue-ish hair. From inside, they see… nothing.

Bonus features:

• Blinker has been on since the Reagan presidency.
• Top speed: 27 mph.
• Will absolutely merge into your lane without hesitation, because in 1942 roads had manners.

📱 Exhibit F: The Phone Philosophers

Why focus on the road when you could deliver a full-length TED Talk on Bluetooth? These drivers multitask by swerving majestically into the wind while shouting:

“No, no, no, no, Sharon, listen... listen... here’s the thing…”

Meanwhile, everyone else on the freeway is praying their airbag is feeling limber and well stretched.

🌑 Exhibit G: The Night Ninjas (a.k.a. No Headlights)

Ah yes. Driving at night with no headlights, blending seamlessly into the void like a stealth bomber. Extra points if they’re in a black car. Maximum points if they don’t notice for 40 miles.

If you flash your brights to warn them, they get offended. “Don’t tell me how to live!” Okay pal, enjoy being invisible.

📬 Viewer Mail from the Void™

Q: “Dear Pompous Post, someone merged into my lane without looking, then gave me the finger. Am I cursed?”

A: Yes. By the Highway Gods of Petty Revenge.

Q: “I was behind a driver going 40 in a 70. When I passed them, they sped up to 85. Is this normal?”

A: Perfectly normal if you’re possessed by Satan’s cruise control.

Q: “My grandma drives with both feet. Is that safe?”

A: Only if she’s piloting a sewing machine.

🔮 Pompous Predictions™: The Future of Bad Driving

1. 2030: Turn signals are fully replaced with vague vibes and aggressive honking.
2. 2035: Cars come standard with Auto-Pilot that immediately quits after witnessing humanity’s choices.
3. 2040: Drivers will legally be allowed one “Free Reverse on Freeway” card per year.
4. 2050: Roundabouts finally banned, declared “cruel and unusual punishment.”

🎤 Closing Thoughts from the Breakdown Lane

Driving is the ultimate trust fall with strangers—and most of them will drop you. Bad drivers don’t just exist; they thrive, multiply, and organize. They are everywhere: at roundabouts, on freeways, in dark voids without headlights. And yet, we endure. Because deep down, we all know one universal truth:

The worst drivers on Earth are always… everyone else.

– The Pompous Post™, proudly signaling left since 2005 (sometimes).