A lesser known life

When last we read of our Intrepid adventure he was amid narrowly escaping death from a freefall. Now under control he admires the beauty from the sky, looking upon the world below:

‘I cannot help but marvel at the beauty below, the winding rivers, lush forest, vast open plains. Perhaps I may have been too harsh regarding camping and sky diving. I mean look at the beauty, the sky, the fields of….. wait, are those power lines?’

And now for the conclusion:

I never knew I could be so calm about this, normally I would be freaking out. Ask anyone who knows me, I tend to panic.

It took me the full day to realize I was dead. That seems a little strange, doesn’t it? The worst part is, I am unsure as to why, or how. I just know I am no longer alive.

At first, I thought my co-workers were mad and just ignoring me. I didn’t blame them, after what happened on Friday and how I must have traumatized those children. Both, not my fault.

I assumed I was going to be sending out my resume when I showed up for work. Yet, my office was just the way I left it on Friday. But no one looked or acknowledged me, and my secretary didn’t have my coffee ready. Which should have been my first clue, as I cannot function until I have my morning half fat, half caff, stiff mocha whipped coffee, with a hint of caramel.

In truth that was new, I’ll be going back to just black coffee. I just sat at my desk waiting to get called into the boss’s office, handed a cardboard box, and ushered out the front door.

I don’t remember much of the day, until it was over. I opened my door and everyone was gone. I do feel like there is someone else I am missing, a vague recollection of a person whom I have strong feelings for…. But for the life of me I cannot place a name or face to this memory. I was beginning to suspect that something was out of place, not quite right, a little off.

It slowly comes back to me, it all started with me taking a walk down that lesser-known path, Then...Ah yes, the parachuting event, with the failed chute and me plunging to my demise. Then remembering the reserve chute, the jubilation of living and being alive and enjoying life….then the power lines.

And here I am.

I realize where I am or rather where I am not and conclude that my presence is required elsewhere. It is after this epiphany that my body starts tingling, and I feel myself dissolving into the unknown. The most remarkable part of the transformation is that I am okay with this. After all, I have turned into a risk taker, a new man. This is just one more adventure.

I find myself in a hazy luminescent mist, standing on neither a solid nor vaporous footing. In the near distance I see two lines of people treading upon two distinct paths, each leading to separate archways veiled in a cloud of white. One has a reddish smolder emanating from behind, while the other has a blueish glow, glimmering from within.

I am unsure of which path to take.

At the front of each archway are two characters completely different from one another. They appear to be the overseer’s of the gateways. I ignore the welcoming desk directing people to either line, and proceed walking down the middle towards the arch’s.

I catch a whiff of lavender and… brimstone? A weird choice of scent to spritz, but if you know me I’m one to mind my own business, therefore I continue.

Standing before the scarlet doorway is a gorgeous dark-haired woman in a tight-fitting red dress, which barely contains her voluptuous form. I adjust my gaze to the other person lounging around the cerulean doorway.

Now, I have never met a hippie, as I believe they went extinct decades ago, but this individual with long flowing golden locks of wavy hair, draped in a billowy white robe, seems to fit the description of one.

I quickly notice that while one was stimulating the other is calming. Stepping to the calm one I shape my fingers, in what passes for a bunny rabbit in the shadow puppet realm, hold my two fingers up and speak.

“Peace.”

He smiles and replies. “And peace unto you.”

I got this. “Groovy, this is a far-out pad you have…" I can’t speak like this, it aggravates my tongue. Instead I inquire as to this location.

With a wonderous smile and soothing voice, he replies. “You are where we all must be when it becomes our time.”

What the… that doesn’t tell me anything. So, I ask miss Universe the same question. To which she responds.

“Honey, if you don’t know, follow me and I’ll show you the way.” Her fingers gently caress my cheeks as she speaks. I give an involuntary shiver that quite frankly feels sexual.

Suddenly the hippie steps in between us and confronts the beauty. “Hang on Jezebel, you know the rules. No temptations in line, we both had our chances while they lived.”

“Don’t tie your robe in a knot, Peter.” Miss Scarlet sneers.

Turning to me he asks. “Which line did the front desk assign you?”

“I by passed the desk, the lines were much too long.”

Lady in red laughs. “Oooh I must have this one.”

Here voice causes me to shiver, I hope she giggles again. Gently, but forcefully, Goldy locks grips my elbow, steering me away and whispers. “Follow me.”

“Where too?”

“To find your final place.”

“I don’t think so. If it is all the same with you Ill stay here.

“You can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because no one ever has.” He states.

“No one has or no ones tried?” I inquire.

My Lady laughs. “I simply must have him. Come with me little man you and I will have so much fun.”

As tempting as her offer is, something or rather someone pops into my head…Judey. Turning to her, forcing my gaze to look directly into her eyes, because between you and me they were staring a tad bit lower.

I quickly stammer. “As... tempting as... that is, I should mention that I have feelings for another person.”

Her arms drape over my neck as she whispers. “She can join us.”

Oh boy.

“Thank you for asking, but no thank you. I believe she is not that sort of person, and as adventurous as I have become, this doesn’t feel like the proper steps for creating a solid relationship.”

Tapping my nose with her fingertip she grins. “Oh sweetie, you know you’re dead don’t you?”

Before answering, I hear music emanating from within the red mist. “Is that Rick Astley’s, Never gonna give you up?”

She smiles. “Oh yeah.”

“Remixed to Disco?”

Rolling her eyes in ecstasy, she purrs. “All day long baby…on loop.”

Pointing towards the red cloud, I cry out. “Oh my God, that’s Hell.”

One of her eyebrows lift. “God has nothing to do with it.”

Turning to the Guru of the blue mist, I ask. “Do you play that up there?”

He vigorously shakes his head. “Not a chance in … well you know.”

“Good.” I sigh, hoping I don’t get picked for door number one.

Blondie continues. “We only play the original, the way it is meant to be heard.”

My life or death crash’s before me. Waves of regret splash over me like a tsunami. Instantly I tumble out of control, mentally not physically, that would be weird if I just started rolling around like a child having a tantrum.

I decide they are incorrect in their assumption of my demise and clearly let them know my thoughts on the matter, wishing to be succinct, I cleverly phrase my thoughts, and reply.

“Nope.”

They speak at the same time. “Nope?”

“Nope, you are mistaken. I still have things to do and will be unable to partake in the afterlife.”

I continue. " You have been misinformed, because I still have unfinished things to do. Like inviting Judey over to try my stuffed trout almondine. I never made it but how hard can it be."

While I pace, the two follow. I press on with my rant about places I still need to visit, and the need to experience life. How I’ll never have the chance to become a husband, a father, or try karaoke in a seedy bar.

I see they are captivated with my tale of woe, standing with mouths open, eyes wide. In fact, I believe tears fall from Goldy locks, it’s hard to tell as he suddenly holds his head between his hands, but I hear a sob.

Encouraged, I tell them of me being an introvert who failed to embrace life. But now enjoy trying new things, except skinny jeans, that was a failure. I spoke enthusiastically. Oh, how my words mixed with passion, like the perfect paring of blueberries and oatmeal.

I don’t know how long this discussion was, but there were no longer two distinct lines. Instead, it is mass confusion, thousands of people roaming around aimlessly, like the reincarnation of Woodstock gone terribly wrong.

The guardians appeared flustered. The hippie dude mumbles. "This is quite the pickle."

I have no idea what that means.

The crimson temptress raising her hands says. “I believe he belongs with you.”

While he crosses his arms, which is an unnecessary aggressive action, and backs away replying. “I believe we may have already hit our quota for today.”

They begin a very stimulating conversation with each other. Thinking that perhaps I needed another opinion, I begin talking to the wandering individuals, telling them about my dilemma, my woes, about the cute Minnie mouse tattoo gracing the back of Judey's neck.

It isn’t long before I find myself alone. If I were a paranoid person I would swear the mass of people were avoiding me.

Soon Sonny and Cher, as I decided to call them, approach me. Neither looks happy, even the nice one. With a shake of their heads, they glance at one another and nod. Raising their hands in a dismissive manner, wave me away.

Suddenly I feel like I am being sucked through a vacuum hose, which is silly because I never had that experience before, how could I know what it feels like. Regardless, the next thing I see is a bright light hurting my eyes and a mummer of voices. Blinking my lids open, I find my self staring into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

This angel, with tears upon her soft cheeks, looks at me. I hear her say. "Thomas?"

"Yeah."

Leaning down she kisses me ever so gently. "I thought we lost you."

"Judey?"

"Yes?"

"Do you like trout?"

Thank you,

Jason

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