A CLEAN DESK IS A SIGN OF A SICK MIND

I DO! I DO! I DO HAVE A DESK!

So, that’s what I kept bumping into!

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I’ve heard it said that “A Clean Desk is a Sign of a Sick Mind.” My mind must be super healthy, then.

Normally, I’m a neat and tidy person. I’m not saying you could “eat off the floors” in my house (who the heck would want to, anyway?) but you’ll rarely see anything out of place.

The throw pillows on my couch are arranged so they gently overlap each other. The throws on the couch and folded and gracefully draped over the back. The only things on the coffee table are the books my husband and I are currently reading with the ceramic bowl in the center.

Everything is dusted and vacuumed.

You won’t find dishes sitting in the sink. They are already neatly stacked in the dishwasher to be washed after tonight’s dinner.

Yes, everything is in order – EXCEPT my little home office.

My husband does his best to stay out. If he needs me, he’ll stand at the doorway and tell me what he needs.

“It looks like a tornado went through here!” he’ll often say.

“Oh, honey,” I begin to answer, “if a tornado went through here, it would have all been wiped away!”

He looks around. “Did you move your desk?”

“No. It’s here somewhere. I just have to work on these piles of papers.”

“Do you have ANY idea what those papers are?” he asks.

I smiled, “, yes, I do. I know what each pile contains and on what date they need to be done.”

That conversation usually takes place about every month, give or take a week. It happened again two days ago and between yesterday and today, I tackled those paper piles. I’m down to one pile that needs to be filed and that will get done as soon as I print my last updated report on my writings.

Oh, now you’re asking yourself, “if she has a computer, why is she printing anything?”

I can answer that in two words: computers crash!

While I back up everything on an external hard drive, there were times with I’d be in the middle of something and my OLD computer crashes and loses just about everything. It’s happened before and I know it will happen again. I just don’t know when.

Okay, your next question might be, “Then why don’t you buy a newer computer with more memory and RAM?

I can answer that in one word: money!

Currently, that’s a luxury I can’t afford and if this one still works, why go through the expense? I’ll keep using this one until it fries itself.

Looking at my desk, I have a small pile of junk(?) that I’m hesitant to put away. In that pile are three inkjets for my printer. Why are they sitting here? My inkjet sent me a notice saying they are VERY low. I know my luck. I’ll put them back in the closet and whamo! I’ll need one. So, here they sit – waiting.

Also in that small pile is the cushion for my elbow. I tend to lean on one elbow. Because of that habit, I came very close to needing ulna nerve surgery. The surgeon gave me a cushion and said if I had the urge to lean, lean on that instead of the hard desk (which I normally can’t find anyway).

Then, of course, there’s my small note pad that I use to jot down things that need to get done, correspondence that needs answering, notes for stories. I use all these items on a daily basis. How can I just put them away?

I also keep my appointment calendar book. Between my husband and me, the doctor, lab, and imaging centers, the pages get filled quickly. He’s always asking, “When is my lab appointment?” Yes, I made him a calendar and hung it in the kitchen – as per his request! Will he look at it? Why on earth should he when it’s easier to walk two rooms from the kitchen, come to my office door, interrupt me, and ask?

Then, there are a few old photographs that I need to scan into my computer. They are not critical but if I file them, I know I’ll forget them. So, they are also tucked into that small pile of junk (?).

Down here in Florida, we normally wear shorts. It’s way too hot for long pants.

No, I’m not changing the subject, just leading into my next “hey I have a desk” issue.

My husband noticed a new bruise on my left leg. “What did you do now?” he asks.

I respond with, “I stood up and planned on making a cup of tea. When I went to leave the desk, I didn’t realize it stuck out so much and slammed my leg into the corner. Hence, the bruise!”

He shook his head and said, “You mean you didn’t tell the desk you planned on walking through it and wanted it to move?”

“Ha, ha, very funny!” I said sarcastically.

“You really need to move a bit slower. Either that or keep your desk a bit cleaner. Or, hey, why don’t you do both? Now, there’s an idea!”

Guess he thought he was being funny.

So, here I am, once again, with a fairly clean desk. The filing is now done. The piles of papers have been reduced to about ten pieces of paper which currently are in progress of … something! I have a few papers sticking out of my printer but can’t finish printing of that small owner’s manual because I forgot to buy ink. It should be delivered by tomorrow. The tea I made has been reduced to a quarter of a cup.

Is my desk neat? Uh, nope! And it probably never will be but at least I can see it! I know it’s there and I see each corner. I have a space in the middle I can now use for writing. My stapler is in clear sight.

At least for today, I won’t be crashing into the corner and giving myself another bruise.

I found out the hard way that inanimate objects don’t move on command. You need to move them using your own muscle. Screaming at them just doesn’t work.