Your Complete Manual on Apology Languages

The secret to a healthier relationship is knowing yours.

By Eapi DreganivulaPublished 3 years ago • 3 min read

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An apology language is how you express and receive a "I'm sorry," and is conceptually similar to a love language. And although though you've probably never given it much attention, how you apologise to your partner is actually incredibly important to think about—especially since everyone needs something different to get over a disagreement.

That is as a result of the unique wiring of every human. After a disagreement, you can find that hearing the words "I'm sorry, you're right" is enough. However, for another person, saying "I'm sorry" could come across as hollow and a hasty means of getting beyond the situation.

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In light of the fact that apology languages are just as significant as good love languages—and I do adore a good love language—break let's down what we know about them.

What languages are used for apologies?

Book By James Bauer

When Gary Chapman, PhD, and Jennifer Thomas discussed apology languages in their book The Five Languages of Apology, it became a thing. (And just so you know, he also penned The Five Love Languages.) According to Chapman, apology languages are ways of telling or showing someone you are sorry, and love languages are ways of expressing your love for them.

There are a total of five apology languages:

Confession of guilt (I'm embarrassed of how I damaged you.)

Taking ownership ("I was wrong to treat you that way.")

Sincere regret ("I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to understand how much agony I caused. I

won't repeat that. I'll approach ____ differently the next time.

Making amends ("This is how I'm going to make it up to you ").

Asking for pardon ("Will you pardon me for disappointing you?")

Why is it crucial to be familiar with your apologetic language?

Languages of apologies are crucial if you want your relationship to actually, like, work out.

According to psychiatrist Leela R. Magavi, MD, "They enable people to strengthen their relationships by strengthening their capacity to promote forgiveness." Furthermore, she continues, "individuals apologise in a manner in which all parties feel heard and respected." This is done by properly comprehending your partner's apology language.

It wouldn't make sense to express sorrow and accept responsibility if your spouse requires you to make reparations in order for them to feel better about the situation, which is what I'd hope is the case if the end objective is to move past a dispute with your relationship.

According to relationship and dating specialist Amy Olson, "people speak different apology languages and it's crucial to grasp them to not only develop a deeper knowledge of your spouse but also to yourself." If you and your partner use different apology languages, misunderstandings could arise. Knowing each other's types and acting accordingly when the situation calls for it is the only way to avoid them.

So what can you do if you and your partner apologise in different languages?

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Consistently make concessions. For a moment, consider the following list of love languages: If you are aware that your partner expresses love through physical touch rather than words of affirmation, wouldn't you still give them a hug to show your appreciation at the end of a challenging day? And you do that despite the fact that your love language is positive affirmation.

The same goes for apology languages. According to clinical psychologist and trained sex therapist Janet Brito, "want to understand and form a goal to practise each other's apology languages as a means to develop closer and heal together." If you want to be able to "make apologies, repair the hurt, and grow together," she argues, this is absolutely essential.

When coming to terms with an argument, your partner's needs should be taken into account (just as much as your own), even though it may feel strange to ask for forgiveness or take responsibility for anything. My friends, you can nearly totally figure this out through discussion.

Okay, how do you determine the language of your apology?

You may take Chapman's simple quiz right now on his website. You can do it in less than 10 minutes, and it would also be a cute date night idea.

Dr. Magavi advises journaling and/or talking to a therapist in addition to the questionnaire, though, to help you comprehend your own apologetic language and what you require from a partner.

Additionally, as communication is so important, ask your partner and loved ones to become knowledgeable about how to apologise. Alternatively, you can all complete the quiz together. She affirms that this understanding will aid in preventing relationship strife and mending broken relationships.