Acts of Service: Definition and Examples of This Love Language

People speak one of five love languages, according to Chapman's theory in his book: acts of service, quality time, affirming words, physical touch, and gifts. These love languages basically show how you most likely give and receive love.

In this post, we'll cover everything there is to know about the "acts of service" love language, including what it means, real-world examples, and extra dating advice if this is your preferred method of communication. Okay, let's get started, shall we?

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What does it mean if your love language is acts of service?

As the name implies, you probably enjoy performing kind deeds for your relationship to show them you care, or you enjoy receiving kind deeds from your lover because it makes you feel the most loved.

According to Samantha Kingma, a licenced marriage and family therapist, "it means that you either feel loved by or enjoy caring for your loved ones by doing practical things that will aid them in some manner or that you believe that they will appreciate or enjoy."

Importantly: "These helpful behaviours may be performed whether or not the other person directly requests the assistance."

When we say "practical acts," we refer to things like doing things like switching their laundry, making their bed in the morning, cooking dinner, etc. We go into more detail on what this may look like below.

My personal love language is acts of service, thus when my spouse does things for me, I feel most valued and loved by him. It's so hot when he takes over making dinner on a certain night when he notices I'm stressed out from work or family issues just so I don't have to worry about it.

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And when he does things for me—without even asking—like running errands or going out to get me breakfast, I want to melt.

What are some indications that acts of service are your love language?

There are a few obvious signs that your or your partner's love language is acts of service. One option is to simply take the exam and see how you do. If not, though, "you may experience love largely through acts of service," adds Kingma, "if you feel appreciated when others notice things they can do to assist you out, and you tend to feel overlooked when people don't pitch in to help you do tasks."

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According to Kingma, this indicates that if you frequently prepare meals for others, reduce their workload by taking on a few duties yourself, or make their beds in the morning so that they have one less task to complete before starting the day, then this may be your calling.

Important distinction: Serving someone is different from performing acts of service. There is a narrow line between wanting to assist and entirely taking care of someone else who won't accept responsibility for themselves. It could be time to reconsider the relationship if you ever stop appreciating completing these tasks or feel unappreciated for doing them.

Examples of deeds of service

Remember that it doesn't have to be anything significant. Acts of service are your partner's love language, therefore here are some simple things you may do for them:

Washing dishes

Chatting with them after a long day at work,

Making them coffee in the morning,

Bringing out the garbage,

Getting them up from the airport,

Helping them with travel arrangements,

and taking care of them when they are sick or need dental treatment.

It really doesn't matter what you do; believe me, as someone whose love language is acts of service, they just want to feel appreciated and assisted.

But keep in mind that you might need to start a conversation with your spouse about your wants and expectations if your love language includes acts of service and theirs isn't (without really blaming them for not having the same language as you). This is a crucial step to take so you can make sure you're receiving love the way you want to and not just according to their preferred love language.

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