You're Only Human

I started thinking about something this morning and I decided to write about it.

Life has not turned out the way that I have expected.

When I was younger, I had grand dreams of going to college somewhere far away from my hometown, graduating and getting married by the time I was 25 years old. I wanted four kids when I was younger. I always cherished the idea of becoming a teacher or a social worker or seriously, a marine biologist. This farm girl from the middle of the prairies with no ocean in sight seriously wanted to become a marine biologist. I think my parents thought my head was in the clouds most of the time actually.

Now, here I am, three children later, no degree in sight and no wedding ring on my finger at 26 years old. The reason I got thinking about this today, is because my cousin- whom I adore, did her life by the book and is now expecting her first child. She graduated high school, worked for a year, and then went off to school. She got her degree, got married a year later to her high school sweetheart and is now expecting their first child.

The reason I bring her up, is because her mom actually told my grandmother this one day while they were on the phone. "Don't you wish your kids did things the right way?" She meant follow life by the same model as her children, by going to school, then getting married, and then having children. It pissed her off to the point where she just hung up the phone.

I was 19-years old when my first child. My mom was 16-years old when she had me. My uncle- my mothers brother, had his first child in his late thirties and then married my now favourite auntie.

What my point is- nobody has any right to judge the way you live your life. Once you're 18 years old, the world is your oyster. It is up to you to live life the you choose to. There is no right or wrong way to enjoy life. As long as you're not hurting people, have kids young, go to school when you're thirty, get married when you're fifty. There is no blueprint to life.

My mom gave up her dreams of becoming a lawyer because she had me at such a young age, I never want to lose sight of creating a better life for me and my own children. I'd love to go back to school in the future- I'm currently working on upgrading my high school marks so I can achieve that as I dropped out and failed some classes due to poor mental health.

I want to nourish my children's goals in life. I want to breathe life into them, not snuff them out. But ultimately- I want them to become successful in their dreams.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to live life. Thinking back to my cousin, she always mocked me in high school and just overall wasn't a nice person. Kindness makes you brave, not becoming a bully because of your own shitty childhood. I see her social media and everything looks so picture perfect but deep down, I know it's not.

My counsellor actually told me that not everything you see on social media is real. It's a glimmer into someone's life, not the full story. Same goes for anything really, whether it be a blog post or social media or just a conversation- you only get bits and pieces into what goes on in someone's day. I've written about this before but I wish mind drives existed like they do in the TV show The 100. Basically, they put the drive into a computer and see absolutely everything from another person's perspective. It's quite cool if you like sci-fi actually.

Moral of the story here, just be kind, be loving, and if you don't live up to someone else's expectations- create your own and live up to them. Life has no rules. Allow yourself to be free from the societal expectations and just learn to enjoy every minute of the story you're living. Nobody has a picture perfect life.

Chloe Rose Violet🌹